pe Page 734 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Yaya Touré And Pep Guardiola Have No Choice But To Play Nice

It’s funny, seeing Yaya Touré and Pep Guardiola say nice things about each other through the media, when it’s pretty clear that that the two probably don’t particularly like each other in the slightest....

Jonathan Papelbon Subjected His Teammates To Terrible Pro-Trump Music

If there’s one thing you can say about Jonathan Papelbon, the ass-faced former Nationals closer who moves through life like an angry 14-year-old with a boner, it’s that he is always exactly who you expect him to be....

Russian Recovers From Being Choked Out, Wins Gold

Russian wrestler Roman Vlasov won his second gold medal in the Greco-Roman competition when he beat Denmark’s Mark Madsen in yesterday’s final round, despite having been choked out in an earlier semifinal....

Coutinho Draws Liverpool Level

Liverpool’s star-filled squad struggled with Arsenal’s collection of anonymous jamokes until Philippe Coutinho rocketed home this bender past Petr Cech to draw his side level at the half....

Florida Gators' Top Receiver Cleared In Sexual Assault Case Adjudicated By Booster

Last Friday, it was revealed the University of Florida would allow Jake Schickel, a Jacksonville lawyer and UF football booster, to serve as the third-party counsel for the Title IX sexual assault case being heard against wide receivers Treon Harris and Antonio Callaway. Today, Callaway was cleared ...

Lawsuit: Kansas "Encouraged" Rowers Raped By Football Player To Cheer At Games

Kansas is currently being sued by two former rowers who say they were raped by the same football player. The player was investigated and expelled, but in their lawsuits both women say the university still violated Title IX in many ways. They claim that they suffered retaliation from the rowing coach...

But Does She Like Motorcycles

Armenian Weightlifter Suffers Horrifying Elbow Injury [Graphic]

Andranik Karapetyan is the reigning European champion in 77 kilogram weightlifting, but his hopes for an Olympic medal ended when he suffered a disgusting elbow dislocation while trying to lift 195 kilograms (430 pounds)....

Messi A Fool

Behold Lionel Messi’s perfect overhead-kick assist from today’s friendly against Sampdoria in all its glory:...

Épée Is For Losers<em></em>

Fencing is a great sport. It’s pseudo-techno-sword-fighting! What more could you want? I’ll tell you: to get rid of épée, the stupid version of the sport....

<i>SI</i>'s Peter King: I Like To Eat Diarrhea, It's Good, Mmm, Gimme That Hot Diarrhea With Onions

Here is Peter King, a face drawn on the side of Roger Goodell’s hand, telling you two ways that he likes to eat diarrhea. He likes to eat diarrhea on top of spaghetti with onions and cheese, and he likes to eat diarrhea on a hot dog, also with onions, but with no mustard....

What To Pack For A Nuclear Attack You Won't Survive Anyway

I spend most of my time thinking about one of two frightening things: how I could have had more fun in college, and what will happen when there’s a nuclear attack against the United States. (And I do believe it will happen in my lifetime.) Nuclear war and nuclear terrorism are just about the scaries...

Dead Letters: The Horse People Are Furious

Last week, I wrote a blog trashing the presence of horse sports at the Olympics. My point was that they should get these goddamn horses out of my face, because the Olympics are for humans. I watched a bunch of horse sports during the first weekend of the Olympics, and they were even more boring than...

Bad Soccer Man Smacks The Piss Out Of A Referee

Our latest example of Bad Soccer Manning comes courtesy of Daniel Pedrosa in Guatemala’s third division. The player didn’t like seeing the referee’s red card after Pedrosa appeared to bump into him, decided that the ref didn’t deserve to be able to see out of his left eye, and sent his forehead and ...

A Dumb, Avoidable Comedy Of Errors Led To Cancelling The Hall Of Fame Game

Last night’s NFL preseason curtain raiser between the Packers and Colts, the annual Hall of Fame game, was canceled because of unsafe playing conditions. Apparently, the paint used for the logo and end zones turned sticky, and congealed into a hard mass. Considering the weather was normal and that t...

Entire Russian Team Banned From Paralympics For Doping Scandal

The 2016 Paralympics begin in Rio as soon as the Olympics are over, but one of the world’s largest delegations will be absent—as the International Paralympic Committee has decided to suspend the entire Russian team for doping....

Hunter Pence Fouls Ball Off His Own Eye, Finishes The At-Bat

You know how sometimes it’s awful to watch another person put in a contact lens? Here’s Hunter Pence fouling a ball off his own eye. He finished the at-bat afterward, incredibly, though with a strikeout....

Kip Keino's Emotional Speech And Everything Else NBC Edited Out Of Its Opening Ceremony Broadcast

NBC’s tape-delayed Opening Ceremony broadcast ran a cool 4:58:38—more than an hour longer than the event’s real-time duration—but, as usual, the Peacock Network left plenty of the show on its cutting-room floor. Here’s everything NBC excised from last night’s broadcast:...

Florida Hired Football Booster To Oversee Hearing For Player Accused Of Sexual Assault

The mysterious “student conduct violation” that kept WRs Antonio Callaway and Treon Harris away from the Gators all spring was revealed by ESPN to be an accusation of sexual assault by a female University of Florida student. But that’s just the start of the news today....

Mets Tell Injured Yoenis Cespedes To Cool It With The Golfing

Yoenis Cespedes really loves golf. Loves it. Plays on game days if he can. Has probably played 10 rounds in the last couple of weeks, according to one Mets official....