pe Page 764 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
A Christmas Gift Of Gonorrhea, And More Of Your Holiday Party Mishaps
As you may have imagined, our call for your sordid tales of holiday party mishaps yielded tales of in-office hookups, puking, and even sexually transmitted diseases. Merry Christmas, indeed! Here are your best/worst war stories:...
Pete Rose To Remain Banned From Baseball
When Pete Rose got himself a meeting with MLB commissioner Rob Manfred a few months ago, it seemed like there was at least a chance Manfred might decide to reinstate Rose. Today, Manfred released a three-page(!) decision in which he makes it very clear that Rose will remain on the curb....
The Horse People Are Mad Online
This morning, Sports Illustrated announced that Serena Williams is the magazine’s sportsperson of the year. Williams took home the title despite losing to racehorse American Pharoah in the fan vote, and people who like horses are very mad about this....
Is Pete Carroll Trapped Up There? Someone Help Him Down
Please someone grab a ladder....
How The Charlotte Hornets Turned It Around
In their last four games, the Charlotte Hornets have blown out two of the Eastern Conference’s better teams, beaten the Bulls, and whooped on the Grizzlies. Charlotte’s only lost twice since Thanksgiving, to the Cavs and the Warriors (which is forgivable, since losing to them is like losing to grav...
Mike Swap
The Pittsburgh Penguins fired coach Mike Johnston today and named Mike Sullivan their new coach. The new Mike was serving as coach of the Penguins’ very succesful AHL affiliate....
Tell Us About Your Holiday Party Mishaps
Many of you may be having office holiday parties today, so let me start by asking: What are you wearing? I can’t decide. In any case, company holiday parties—and holiday parties in general—always end with remarkably un-festive stories. Someone makes out with someone they shouldn’t, the HR guy gets d...
Now Is Not The Time, Pepsi
Promoted tweets are never good, but they’re especially bad... here....
Talking, Fictional Dog To Play In NBA Game
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Cocky Teen Goalkeeper Goes Coast-To-Coast And Scores On One-Man Fastbreak
You really have to have some balls as a goalkeeper to snatch a corner kick out of the air, immediately decide to book it towards the other net, punk your opposite number by knocking the ball around him, and finally kick the ball into the other net after taking it by yourself from one end of the fiel...
The 2015 Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog
I have terrible news for you, America. I know that you’ve already endured a harsh autumn of partisan politics and mass tragedies and inconsistent NFL officiating. I know you can’t handle one more goddamn piece of bad news right now. It’s too much. It may break your spirit entirely. But I have to do ...
Mike Pettine Says He Didn't Realize How Bad Johnny Manziel's Drinking Problem Was
Johnny Manziel will get the start for Cleveland against the 49ers on Sunday, and the job is his for the remainder of the season if he can hang on to it. Of course, that’s what we thought three weeks ago, before some bye-week partying put him back on the bench. ...
Hail To The Redksins
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Rogério Ceni, The Goalkeeper Who Thought He Was A Striker, Retires
In his over two decade career, Rogério Ceni scored 131 goals in 1,256 matches for club and country. A goal once every 10 games or so would be a piss-poor return if Ceni was a striker, but he wasn’t. He was a goalkeeper....
Brandon Browner, Who Is Bad, Makes Fun Of Shannon Sharpe's Teeth
Brandon Browner has had a horrendous season just in terms of defensive coverage. Add in the absurd amount of penalties, and the Saints cornerback is on the verge of making history....
Danny Jacobs Wins The Middleweight Championship Of Brooklyn
There’s the hometown guy. And then there’s the hometown guy....
Hot Wiring A Car, And Other Tales Of The Worst Trouble You Ever Got Into
It may feel like it’s been a long time since you were an idiot teen, but the memory of being grounded for the stupid things you did has a way of sticking with you. Last week we asked you to tell us about the worst trouble you got into, and the biggest takeaway from your replies is that many of you h...
Report: Jonathan Papelbon Files Grievance Against Nationals Over Suspension
If there’s one thing you can say for Jonathan Papelbon, it’s that he just does not give a shit about potentially making things awkward at his workplace....
Missed Field Goal Followed By Marcus Peters Puking
Marcus Peters is as sickened by the state of placekicking in the NFL as you. CBS cameras caught the Chiefs defensive back vomiting after Oakland failed to get points on their fourth quarter drive today. Get well soon, Marcus....