pe Page 787 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Cyclists' Squirt-Gun Attack On PedalPub Cops Results In Six Arrests
The Minneapolis version of a biker brawl involved some cyclists, three PedalPubs, squirt guns, and water balloons, but the results were, in their way, nearly as disquieting as the Waco incident—the thin veneer of society cracked like a cranium under a billy club. It seems Minnesota nice ends when yo...
Chinese Goalie Sips From A Refreshing Bottle Of Water, Gets Scored On
OY, HEAD ON A SWIVEL, MATE! KEEP ALERT AT ALL TIMES! Here’s video of Chinese Super League keeper Sui Weijie’s career low:...
Fenerbahçe Get Four Players Sent Off, Ruin Their Süper Lig Hopes
Fenerbahçe needed a win today at Istanbul Basaksehir to keep their hopes alive of beating rival Galatasaray for the Turkish Süper Lig title. Instead, they earned four red cards and managed a 2-2 draw with only seven players left on the pitch. One of those reds came from a substitute, Pierre Webo, wh...
Sloane Stephens Upsets Venus Williams In First Round Of French Open
40th-ranked Sloane Stephens upset 15-seed Venus Williams 7-6, 6-1 in their first round match at the French Open on Monday. ...
If You Grill All These Foods On Memorial Day, The Planets Will Align
Cold fusion. Mars colonization. A cure for cancer. Peace on earth. Cute li’l goals, I guess, if you’re looking for a self-esteem boost. ...
Roger Federer Does Not Want To Take A Goddamn Selfie
The typically mild-mannered and milquetoast Roger Federer had a bone to pick Sunday after a fan approached the tennis star seeking a selfie on court after Federer’s match at the French Open. ...
Please Do Not Interrupt The Indianapolis Motor Speedway Chairman
IMS chairman Mari Hulman George has been ordering Indy 500 drivers to “start your engines” for longer than most of us have been alive. Today, another woman tried to butt in on her command, Kanye-style. Mari Hulman George wasn’t having any of it, and damn near backhanded the young lady....
Dumb People Upset Championship Sunday Is Pre-Empting Their Reruns
Among the great things NBC has done since acquiring the Premiership rights in the U.S. is to air all ten matches of the final day of the season on the broad spectrum of NBC Universal-owned networks. That includes Syfy, Esquire, Oxygen, Bravo, and other networks that are usually airing some kind of g...
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Who's Up For Some Weird Grilled Meat And Jefferson Davis Pie?
The Woe of Cooking is an ongoing fiasco where the guy who does the Beer Idiot unearths the weirdest, grossest recipes he can find in The Joy of Cooking. Last week he cooked Quick Fish Loaf; this time he’s settling for red meat and pie. Okay have fun....
Horrible, No-Good Keeper Sends Flying, Cleats-First Kick Into Ref's Back
A yellow? You’re going to try to embed your cleats into this unsuspecting referee’s vertebrae for a measly yellow card? The world’s a cold, cold place....
"School's Out" Forever: The Secret History Of Alice Cooper's Classic
Before he became the makeup-wearing, chicken-killing, parent-scaring degenerate known as Alice Cooper, Vincent Furnier was a happy kid. He loved art, ran cross country, and fronted a band that booked so many gigs in his hometown of Phoenix that he had the money to buy a 1966 Ford Fairlane GT 390 by ...
Letterman Guests: "Top Ten Things I've Always Wanted To Say To Dave"
David Letterman’s final Top Ten list featured some of the late night host’s most legendary guests each announcing “something they’ve always wanted to say to Dave.” Alec Baldwin, Steve Martin, Barbara Walters, Jerry Seinfeld, Jim Carrey, Chris Rock, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Peyton Manning, Tina Fey, and ...
Bryce Harper Ejected, But Nobody Knows Why
Bryce Harper was tossed from tonight’s game against the Yankees for ... well it isn’t exactly sure what he was tossed for. Home plate umpire Marvin Hudson made a (bad) strike call that Harper disagreed with, and he said a few words before digging in for the next pitch. But then manager Matt Williams...
Pittsburgh Man Wants Home Run Ball That Landed In His Boat
Pittsburgh television station WTAE tracked down the owner of the boat that Pedro Alvarez hit a home run into last night, and he wants the ball back. ...
Jamie Foxx's Doc Rivers Impression Is Perfect
Jamie Foxx was a guest on the Tonight Show last night, and busted out a surprise Doc Rivers impression during his segment. Jamie Foxx is really, really good at sounding like Doc Rivers....
There's A Mushroom Growing In My Tub!
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She’ll be here every week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....
Pedro Alvarez Wallops Home Run Out Of PNC Park, Into Moored Boat
Both AT&T Park and PNC Park were built alongside large bodies of water. But whereas the San Francisco Bay is only about 370 feet from home plate at AT&T Park, the Allegheny River is 443 feet from home plate at PNC Park. Thus, in its 14-year history, there have only been two splash hits at PNC Park. ...