pe Page 979 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Beau Hossler Is Young, Has Braces
As we await the final round of the 2012 U.S. Open, the story of the week has been the young amateur Beau Hossler. He is a 17-year-old junior from Santa Margarita High and he is tied for eighth, four off the lead. There's a lot to say about a performance like this on a course that is humbling the be...

The Time I Tried To Get Tim Tebow To Sign <i>The Origin Of Species</i>
Earlier this week I went to a New York Jets open practice in Florham Park, NJ. I brought with me a copy of Charles Darwin's The Origin of Species with the plan being that I get Tim Tebow to sign it. It would have been a fun little bit of Gotcha! shmournalism, I suppose. Sadly, I was not successful....

Your Saturday Open Thread Smorgasbord
Hey, sorry 'bout that. Here is your place to talk about why there will be two soccer games going on at the same time, whether Tiger Woods is back and other random things about baseball. Get nuts!...

Chris Berman At The U.S. Open: "I'd Rather Sit In The Corner Of A Deserted Warehouse And Slug Rats"
Chris Berman, the sentient sports fan's favorite punching bag, spent the last two days ruining the U.S. Open, according to many. Operating brains everywhere were firing off questions like "Why?" and "Is ESPN trying to kill me?" Probably not, but It is, of course, a symptom of the larger problem a...

A Frustrated Sergio Garcia Smashes The Shit Out Of An ESPN Microphone
Garcia came up short on a short par-3 this afternoon at Olympic — a bad shot, but not that bad — and took out his frustrations on the microphone embedded near the tee. Garcia is four over through 36 holes, just in under the projected cut line....

You Whores: A Complete Guide To Woody Allen's Many Hooker Characters
When you've made over 45 films, it's pretty hard not to repeat yourself. Woody Allen's latest, To Rome With Love, which opens next Friday, has lots of now-familiar features: It's set in a touristy European city, it has a large cast (Alec Baldwin, Jesse Eisenberg, Ellen Page), and it deals with matte...

Banana On The Pitch! A Roundup Of Horrible Euro 2012 Fans, With Croatia In The Early Lead
Ah yes, the traditional banana hurled at a black player. Euro 2012 is officially on!...

Charles "Peanut" Tillman Scornfully Responds To Local Teacher's Anti-Bears Math Homework
The Bears' Pro Bowl corner Charles Tillman was promoting his Cornerstone Foundation in a suburban Chicago runner's shop, when he was approached by a teenaged girl. She was the daughter of the store's owner, and she was just killing time doing her math homework, when she came across a problem she tho...

Erin Andrews's Contract Is About To Expire, And No One Wants To Hire Her Away From ESPN
Around the time that news of Michelle Beadle's departure leaked, there was (surprise!) a US Weekly report that ESPN sideline reporter Erin Andrews and Gossip Girl guy Chace Crawford had gone out on a "couple" of dates. There were also a bunch of tweets about how much time Andrews spends with models ...

"No One Can Hear You Down There": A Roundup Of Days Three And Four Of The Jerry Sandusky Trial
The trial of former Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky began Monday morning in Bellefonte, Pa. For a review of what happened on Monday and Tuesday, click here and here. What follows is some of what's worth noting from Wednesday's and today's testimony:...

How Not To Be The Biggest Asshole In Media: 4 Lessons I Learned From Meeting Jay Mariotti And Reading His Awful Book
It's been almost two years since Jay Mariotti last wrote a sports column or appeared on ESPN. In that time, sports media's ur-controversialist—a pioneer of the sportswriters-being-dicks-on-television genre—has pleaded no contest to misdemeanor stalking and assault-related charges stemming from a hai...

Gary Payton Has A Message For Seattle: "It's Not Our Team Anymore, Let's Move On"
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Payton says he'll do all he can to bring a new team to Seattle....

The USTA Will Make The U.S. Open The Most Fogeyish Grand Slam Tournament
For years, the U.S. Open was the antidote to Wimbledon and Roland Garros' fussiness (the Australian was basically just irrelevant and a big Whatever). At the Open there were ungodly late matches, bigger stadiums, the made-for-TV scheduling bonanza in Super Saturday, loud music, longer commercial bre...

From Ukraine With Love: 24 Racism-Free Hours At Euro 2012
KIEV & KHARKIV, Ukraine—The fast train from Kiev to Kharkiv takes four hours. I know this, although I am not on it. I want to be on it, but tickets are gone, sold weeks ago to assorted Germans and other more prepared fans traveling from the Ukrainian capital to the industrial city that lies 300 mile...

Accuser: Jerry Sandusky Called Himself The "Tickle Monster" Before Touching Him In Shower
We'll have a more comprehensive roundup of the last two days of testimony at the Jerry Sandusky trial a bit later, but here's something particularly icky that just couldn't wait: An alleged victim who took the stand this morning said Sandusky referred to himself as the "tickle monster" before huggin...

Who Will Win This Year's U.S. Open? Probably Someone You've Never Heard Of
Golf's major tournaments just haven't been that interesting lately. Over the last 17 majors, there have been 16 winners. In theory, this could be nice! A little diversity, a little surprise. But since Tiger's sabbatical, we've lost any hope of narrative. Individual sports thrive on story lines, riva...

Matt Cain Threw MLB's 22nd Perfect Game, And Here's The Final Out As Called On TV, Radio, And <em>En Español</em>
With a dominating 14-strikeout performance, San Francisco Giants pitcher Matt Cain dispatched all 27 Astros hitters he faced tonight at AT&T Park in earning this season's second perfect game, the first in Giants history, and the 22nd in official baseball history. ...

Professional Athlete Used Drug, Says Someone
Lance Armstrong, who you might remember as that guy who won a bunch of bike races while everyone said he was doping, is accused of winning a bunch of bike races while doping. The U.S. Anti-Doping Agency formally charged Armstrong over blood samples collected in 2009 and 2010 that are "fully consiste...
![We Have A Winner For The Dumbest Story Ever Written About Derek Jeter [NSFW?]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17po8uagmcz3wjpg.jpg)
We Have A Winner For The Dumbest Story Ever Written About Derek Jeter [NSFW?]
We asked you on Monday, after a particularly objectionable item ran in the New York Post, to write the dumbest story ever about Derek Jeter. You did not let us down. ...

Bryce Harper To Prying Canadian Reporter: "That's A Clown Question, Bro"
Must be tough doing business in the Toronto press corps. The town’s favorite team is toast by February every year. You can do “Where Is Gary Roberts Now?” or “At Home With Nazem Kadri” only so many times. Sometimes you have to write about the Blue Jays and their opponents, and, yes, there are a fe...