people Page 65 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
It's Time For A National Conversation About Drake's Horny Watch
One thing that can be said about Drake that cannot be said about a disconcertingly large number of other famous people is that it is clear why he is famous. He has done actual things—performed some hugely popular songs about how disappointed he is in various exes; endorsed one of the better-liked le...
This Lady Running Like A Horse Is Really, Really Good At Running Like A Horse
This is Ayla Kirstine, a Norwegian woman who went viral on German Twitter this week for running like a horse. You may have questions—“Why is she running like a horse?” would be a good one—though you cannot deny that this pferdmädchen is extremely good at running, and even jumping, like a horse....
Don Cherry Is Not Going To Let His Blood Feud With The Hurricanes Die That Easily
Back in February, Don Cherry took a brave stand against the encroaching forces of fun and entertainment that were descending upon the world of hockey led by the Carolina Hurricanes. He famously called the Hurricanes a “bunch of jerks” for the elaborate choreographed celebrations they’d perform after...
Bucks Take Pistons' Best Punch, Then Coolly Dropkick Them Into A Toilet
The Pistons got off to a very good start Monday night, at home, in Game 4 of their playoff series against Central division foe Milwaukee. Blake Griffin was lively; Reggie Jackson poured in 20 first-half points; the Pistons all but played Brook Lopez and Khris Middleton off the court. It was about as...
Betsy DeVos "Corrects The Record" On Desire To Defund Special Olympics By Reiterating Desire To Defund Special Olympics
On Tuesday, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos went before a House appropriations subcommittee and, as she has in every previous year of the Trump presidency, requested a series of huge cuts to the Department of Education—$7 billion in total this time around, which is roughly 10 percent of the depar...
Australian Shopping Center Terrorized By A Pair Of Hellion Nine-Year-Olds
Two extremely, ah, feisty(?) nine-year-old girls went on an absolute fucking rampage at the Helensvale Shopping Centre in Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia yesterday. And by “absolute fucking rampage” I mean that they abused an old lady, spat on, punched, and kicked a security guard, and danced on a...
Trump Department Of Education Wants To Defund The Special Olympics
On Tuesday, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos met with members of a House appropriations subcommittee to defend her department’s proposed budget for the next fiscal year. It was, like most of what happens in government, a ritualistic offering—the proposed budget is a proposal that reflects the admi...
Does MLB Care If No One Cares?<em></em>
“The Rays have the right under the collective bargaining agreement to renew me at or near the league-minimum salary,” defending American League Cy Young Award winner Blake Snell said in a statement issued on the day the Rays re-upped his contract with a $15,500 raise. Some $10,000 of that raise was ...
<em></em>Donald Trump Awards Donald Trump Trump's 20th Trump Golf Club Championship
According to people whose lives may well have depended upon it, the late North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il had an excellent golf game. One story told of Kim’s golf prowess crossed the demilitarized zone and become something of a minor meme: that Kim, while playing the first round of golf of his life...
What You Need To Know About Meghan McCain's Jewish Heritage
Meghan McCain, daughter of the late statesman and presidential candidate John McCain and co-host of ABC’s The View, has taken an increasingly prominent role during the recent national conversation over the troubling rise of antisemitism in American politics. Here’s what you need to know about one of...
You Don't Have To Believe Any Of This Shit
A non-refundable $45 fee on a bank statement whose existence cannot be explained by anyone; Raytheon’s Twitter account responding to a jape from Lockheed Martin’s Twitter account with a GIF of a grimacing Steve Carell from an episode of The Office; a show on The Learning Channel that is just goatee...
Angry Horse Racing Attendees Turn English Racecourse Into Merseyside Mosh Pit
Action at the Haydock racecourse had to be brought to a momentary halt on Saturday when a group of spectators engaged in a minor brawl in the area right next to the track. Initial reports estimated about anywhere from 40 to 60 people were involved in the tussle, but the Guardian reports that CCTV fo...
Don Cherry Whines Like An Old Pissbaby About The Carolina Hurricanes' Postgame Celebrations
Well, it was bound to happen eventually. The secret society of old, decrepit members of hockey media recently had a meeting and decided that Don Cherry would be the latest ancient asswipe to drone on about the Carolina Hurricanes and the team’s postgame celebrations. For those unaware, one of the m...
Joel Embiid, Who Is Joel Embiid: “I’m Joel, Joel Embiid”
The Sixers routed the LeBron-less Lakers last night, 121-105. It was kind of a weird game for Philly. Jimmy Butler played point guard. Ben Simmons played power forward. One thing was the same: Kendall Jenner was in attendance, improving the Sixers’ record to 12-2 when she’s there. ...
Don't Doubt What You Saw With Your Own Eyes
Two days ago, video was posted online that pretty much everyone who saw immediately recognized for what it was—footage of white teens taunting and harassing a Native American elder named Nathan Phillips on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. What was happening was clear and unmistakable, not just res...
What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?<em></em>
Happy new year, one and all. This year, resolve to take better care of your dick and balls; last year you did a really bad job of it....
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?<em></em>
It’s here! It’s finally here! Every year it seems like the big day will never come, but it’s here. It’s the day to gather with your family and friends ‘round the hearth, warm beverages and sweet treats at the ready, and have a hearty chortle over the things America stuck inside itself and couldn’t r...
Former Marlins President David Samson Taunts Fleeced Taxpayers: "$1.2 Billion. Fuck You!"
Miami has arguably been hit harder by the pro sports stadium scam than any other city in America. When former Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria managed to get a publicly financed stadium built in 2012, he stuck Miami-Dade County with a stupefying bill that will eventually cost taxpayers $2.4 billion. Give...
Phoenix Woman Dunks On Suns Owner Robert Sarver At City Council Meeting
The Phoenix City Council was supposed to vote Wednesday on a murky proposal to give Suns owner Robert Sarver $150 million in public money for arena renovations, but the formal vote was pushed back a month, in part because the plan, which is bad, would have failed. Citizens were still able to speak t...
I Took My 84-Year-Old Neighbor With The Only Good NBA Takes To A Pacers Game
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Iris Clawson, 84-year-old NBA superfan, spent some time on the trainer’s table....