people Page 72 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Awkward Minnesota Super Bowl "War Room" Is One Big Tiger Woods High Five
So my home state of Minnesota "won" the right to host Super Bowl LII in 2018, presumably because Zygi Wilf convinced local taxpayers to pony up for a new stadium with funds from electronic pull-tab games that haven't generated any actual revenue yet, and such triumphs must be rewarded. Anyway, sinc...
Terrible Dude Takes Selfie With Collapsed Cyclist
David McCarthy is a junior cyclist who learned a valuable lesson while attending the Giro d'Italia in Dublin: snapping a selfie with an exhausted cyclist who just collapsed to the ground in agony is a not-cool thing to do....
Who Is The <em>Real</em> Racist, According To The Internet?
Everyone is in agreement: There are a whole lotta racists out there. What we can't seem to agree on, however, is who the real racists are. For help, we searched the internet, which had a few thoughts on the subject....
Listen To The Roots' New Single, "When The People Cheer"
The Roots' new album, ...And Then You Shoot Your Cousin, is out on May 13; the album's first single, "When the People Cheer," is out now. It suggests that this new album is going to be very good. ...
Here Are Some People Playing Jenga Who Don't Know How To Play Jenga
Everybody knows how to play Jenga, right? The word "Jenga" is Swahili for "build," and the purpose of the game is to pull a brick from the base of the structure and add it to the top without making the whole thing topple over....
Guy Drops A "Deez Nuts" During Interview On <em>People's Court</em>
Meet the man who just lived the lifelong dream of anyone who ever attended a public middle school. We've all fantasized about pulling off a classic "Deez Nuts" joke on TV, but this guy actually went out and did it....
Larry Brown Reminds Us That College Basketball Is So Full Of Itself
Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban recently said some very smart things about the uselessness of the NCAA, suggesting that the NBA D-League is a viable alternative for developing future NBA players who would only attend one year of college before going pro because of the one-and-done rule. Larry Brow...
Here Is Some Very Important News About Dick Vitale
I'd drop a "Slow news day?!?" burn here, but I'm willing to bet that every day is a slow news day for the Lakewood Ranch Herald....
How To Prevent Your Spine From Turning To Mush
Hey, you! Mr. Spry Twenty-Five-Year-Old! Feeling pretty limber these days, eh? Going out and CRUSHING beers and playing campus golf and bending over to pick up entire crates of taco meat. Life's pretty swell for you! Well, I have fun news for you, sport. PAIN IS COMING. So much pain. One day...
This Photo Of Dick Vitale Is Art
"It is brutal out - stranded at airport" is the caption that accompanied this photo on Dickie V's Instagram account. ...
Dumb People Mad At Multilingual "America The Beautiful" Coca-Cola Ad
Coca-Cola aired a Super Bowl ad with "America the Beautiful" sung in numerous languages. It was sweet and forgettable—there are many things not to like about Coke, but their harmless pandering to the idea that America is, among other things, a polyglot nation is not among them—except to dumb, intole...
These Very Happy, Very Gay Young People Changed The Super Bowl Forever
No matter what Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers do on Sunday, they will owe a giant, choreographed debt to Up With People....
British People Offer A Perfect Explanation Of The Super Bowl
Everything they have to say is pretty much exactly right. ...
Dumb People Say Stupid, Racist Shit About Richard Sherman
Richard Sherman gave one of the best NFL postgame interviews of all time to Erin Andrews, with the air of a pro wrestling heel. Some people didn't like Sherman's act, which is stuffy, but fine. But others didn't like it, and to voice their displeasure, said some remarkably racist, vile things in pub...
What Can We Learn About America From The Stuff We Put Up Our Asses?
This Christmas, we took our annual look at what Americans got stuck in their butts this past year. It sure felt like a banner year for rectum accidents, but was this really this case? And the obvious followup: What does it mean for the economy?...
What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?
While collecting insertions into various orifices for our annual feature, we stumbled across a good number of truly awful penis-related mishaps. Culled from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission's database of emergency room visits, here's a year's worth of self-abuse....
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?
As in past years, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission has created a searchable database of emergency room visits around the country. And as in past years, we have trolled the data for the finest examples of insertions showcasing extraordinarily bad luck and/or ingenuity. [Note: Headline has ...
Mizzou Scores On Fumble Recovery; Old Man Does Not Give One Shit
I hope he's just a sourpuss and not so old that he's physically incapable of expressing joy. [CBS]...