phillies Page 23 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Pat Burrell Is Retiring, But "The Machine" Just Might Live On
MLB Trade Rumors had it first, and noted rich guy Jon Heyman confirmed on Twitter: Pat Burrell is retiring. The thumping, lumbering outfielder posted a .253/.361/.472 line in 12 MLB seasons, most of them with the Phillies. He had ranked 25th among active players in home runs. He won two World Series...

Phillies Sign Dontrelle Willis, Reports Some Guy Who Says He Accidentally Got Forwarded An Email From Ruben Amaro
Ruben Amaro is a ninja—except when his email blasts on free agency signings find their way into the wrong hands. A reader forwards along this missive, purportedly from Ruben Amaro to the front office announcing that the Phillies are signing Dontrelle Willis to a one-year deal pending a physical. Bec...

A Perfectly Designed Killing Machine, The Phillie Phanatic Silently Stalks Its Prey
If you take nothing else from this insane week in sports, let it be the fact that the Phillie Phanatic was born in the Galapagos Islands. MLB has photos of the Philadelphia mascot furbirdthing "returning to his homeland" to terrify wildlife and hawk his book to local children. [MLB.com via The700Lev...

Jonathan Papelbon To The Phillies And Ramon Santiago To The Pirates, And Other Engrossing Hot Stove News
Your roundup of all the hottest hot-stove items of the day (and whatever shit Ken Rosenthal is throwing against the wall). This is ... HOT FUCKING STOVE!!!!...

The Rangers Made The Most Out Of Losing Cliff Lee, And So Have Their Fans
Your morning roundup for Oct. 26, the day we swear she turned into a donkey. Photo via Midwest Sports Fans. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Presenting Your Ryan Howard At A Food Store In A Motorized Scooter Photoshop Roundup
The above photo is of Ryan Howard, and it was taken at a suburban Philly Whole Foods on the day after the Phillies were knocked out of the National League playoffs by the Cardinals. The game ended with Howard recording the final out and tearing his Achilles in the process, which explains the scoote...

Photoshop Contest: Ryan Howard At A Food Store In A Motorized Scooter
The internet has been passing around this photo of Ryan Howard for several days, or at least since it was discovered after being tweeted by a fan who snapped it at a suburban Philly Whole Foods. It is at once sadly and hilariously emblematic of the sudden conclusion to the Phillies' season....

This Year, Ryan Howard's Season-Ending At-Bat Resulted In Physical Injury
Your morning roundup for Oct. 8, the day we learn that it's best just to plead guilty when caught handing out semen-tainted yogurt at the market. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

SprtsCntr: The Squirrel Heard 'Round The World
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

Hey Look, A Squirrel Ran Onto The Field During The Phillies/Cardinals Game
Bottom of the fifth. Cardinals second baseman Skip Schumaker seemed to have an issue with a muscle in his ass or upper leg. Trainer came out. All seemed fine....

Shane Victorino Forgot How To Play Baseball On This Throw
It looks like he's gonna remember, but then, no, he doesn't. Doesn't matter: Phillies are still leading, 2-1....

Your NLDS Games 1 Open Thread
Milwaukee hosts Arizona, first pitch scheduled for 2:07 p.m. eastern. Then, the Cardinals try to beat Roy Halladay and the Phillies starting at 5:07 p.m....

Roy Halladay Came Here To Bury, Not Praise The Cardinals
Crossing Broad brings us this tale of how Roy Halladay gives a menacing, literate answer to a reporter's silly softball:...

Did Kirk Herbstreit Drop An F Bomb In The LSU/WVU Booth Last Night?
Your morning roundup for Sept. 25, the day Catwoman got real. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors. (Video H/T Casey)...

Boise State Calls Mississippi State's Misspelling And Raises Em A Misplaced Apostrophe
Your morning roundup for Sept. 17, a day we pour one out for the late Jeffrey Jarrett. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

The Video That This Phillies Fan Made May Be The Strangest Fan Video You'll Ever See
When tipster Kevin W. sent in this video of a Phillies fan's interpretation of, Christ, who knows what this is except "JGarzzle."...

Now The Phillies Have Decided To Affect The Outcome Of Milwaukee's Sausage Races
"Before the top of the sixth began, [second baseman] Pete Orr forgot to look both ways when exiting the dugout and accidentally stepped in front of five racing sausages. He ducked between Polish and Italian but smacked into Hot Dog. The fans booed the sheepish Canadian, who smirked as an entire du...


Phillies OF John Mayberry, Jr. Has Requested That His Agents Set Him Up With The Sexy Mermaid From <i>Pirates Of The Caribbean</i>
John Mayberry, Jr. is a man who knows what he wants. One cannot, after all, become the Phillies' best pinch-hitter without knowing what he wants. But Mayberry is still missing something. Evidently, that something is the Sexy Mermaid from Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides....

Some Phillies Fans Went To Miami And Interfered With The Marlins Right Fielder
This whole thing happened in the sixth inning of today's Phillies/Marlins game. Hunter Pence of the Phillies hit one to the right-field wall. It may or may not have hit that yellow stripe. We'll never know....