Premier League Page 49 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

At Least Liverpool Still Has One Fernando Torres
With Torres headed to Chelsea for a record $80 million, you know who's got to be steamed? The Liverpool fan who legally changed his name to "Fernando Torres" last month....

Swedish Orgy Blackmail For Premier League Star? Sure, Why Not
Someone's trying to blackmail a Premier League player with video and photos of his Las Vegas tryst with three Swedish blondes. And he wants this covered up...why? [Daily Mail]...

Soccer Could See Its First Photoshop-Related Fine
Soccer players: they're just like us! Liverpool's Ryan Babel could face discipline for Tweeting this photoshopped picture of the ref wearing a Manchester United jersey after a controversial FA Cup match yesterday. He should be suspended, if only for using "SMH." [Guardian]...

The Spoiler’s Premier League Team Of The Season (So Far)
As is tradition, The Spoiler shall start with the bad news — only ONE player from our "Predicted Team of the Season" compiled in early August looks set to make the XI once the league is done and dusted....

Is MLS Actually Doing Something Better Than European Soccer?
Arsene Wenger thinks the Premier League offseason should be in the winter rather than the summer. Well, it'd do wonders for Blackpool's tourist-heavy attendance....

Robert Green Will Never Be Allowed To Forget His World Cup Gaffe
The poor bastard made one little mistake in his Premier League match that was slightly similar to his cock-up against the US, and immediately, everywhere, it's "Robert Green will never recover from the World Cup."...

Confused Sideline Reporter Unable To Follow Game He's Covering
SkyTV's Chris Kamara had one job at this weekend's Portsmouth-Blackburn match: Watch the game. And maybe try to pay attention to what happens. He failed miserably on both counts....

Socialized Soccer: The Ill-Conceived Plan To Return English Football To The English
Sick of foreign businessmen and oil magnates buying up the Premiership's best, then driving them into the ground, the government has proposed some ways to put teams back in the hands of the fans. They're all unworkable....

ESPN: The British Invasion
ESPN is creating a new UK-based channel in order to broadcast the live Premier League matches they now own the rights to. If "First Take" ends up on the schedule, this could destroy the NATO alliance. [Guardian, via Sports Hernia]...

Goalie Uses Newfangled Gadget To Outfox Penalty Kickers
Manchester United won the Carling Cup last weekend in a dramatic(?) penalty shootout, but it turns out that goalie Ben Foster may have had some technological assistance....

Premier League Club Kindly Asks Its Fans To Keep The Noise Down
The English are legendary for their politeness, but this is ridiculous—below is a real letter that was sent by Middlesbrough FC to their own fans, scolding them for being too darn loud....

Press Conferences Are More Fun In The Premier League
There have been plenty of profanity-laced coaching tirades in American sports, but until you've seen soccer coaches go at it with the British press, you really haven't seen anything. Here's Newcastle United interim head coach Joe Kinnear, exchanging pleasantries with some newspaper writers during hi...

United Move Closer, Lose Nani
Manchester United dominated West Ham en route to a 4-1 victory, holding off Chelsea for another week. Ronaldo netted a double for the Red Devils before his countryman Nani received a red card for a blatant headbutt to Lucas Neill's nose. Now Nani will be forced to sit out the final match of the seas...

I Can't Even Think About Doing This Without Falling Down
Cristiano Ronaldo had an impressive back-heel goal in Man U's 4-0 rout of Aston Villa yesterday. In other news, I just tripped over my mouse....

Never Bring A Lion To A Cannonfight
For some reason, great teams always play with more fervor after a loss. We can all assume the New England Patriots will win the Super Bowl if they fall in Week 17, or that Duke basketball will win the Final Four if they trip up in the ACC tournament. But this isn't the case over in England. Instead,...

Today In The Premiership...
• Wigan 1-1 Birmingham. Birmingham plays a quality second half, earning a point against Wigan and keeping themselves out of the league's bottom three. The more I follow soccer, the more I like this relegation idea. Some American sports should really look into it....

Today In The Premiership...
Fulham 0-4 Arsenal. The Gunners threw an old-school beatdown on Fulham, getting two goals from Thierry Henry, and outplaying Fulham in every possible way. Arsenal plays Real Madrid on Wednesday, and I'm definitely watching that. If it's on TV. And it doesn't conflict with the Big East tournament....

Today in the Premiership...
Blackburn 1-0 Arsenal. It was letdown time for the Gunners today, after beating Real Madrid on Tuesday. The Rovers gave them a bone today, and look at that... with their win today, Blackburn has crept ahead of Arsenal in the league table....

Now They Are <em>Literally</em> Convicts On The Field
Reason No. 32,452 that people in other countries are infinitely more unhealthy about their sports than we are: Welsh Premier team Carmarthen Town has signed a man who is currently in jail. Craig Hughes, who plays some position called "striker," was banned from attending soccer games for eight year...

This, Of Course, Means You Can't Use Your Hands In Heaven
It's actually kind of surprising we haven't heard of this before, though if it were to happen, it was obviously going to be soccer. The Reading soccer club of England can now buy an officially licensed coffin. The coffin weighs 500 pounds and is a "blue and white striped coffin adorned with the c...