pti Page 11 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jeffrey Webb Secures $10 Million Bond With A Shitload Of Luxury Goods
Jeffrey Webb, the former FIFA vice-president and CONCACAF president, was one of the men arrested in Switzerland in May on corruption charges. Since he didn’t fight his extradition from Switzerland, he was the first of those arrested to be extradited to the United States to face the charges. ...
First FIFA Official Arrested For Corruption Extradited To U.S.
Swiss authorities have approved the extradition of one of the seven FIFA officials who were arrested on corruption charges in Zurich two months ago. The unnamed official was handed off to a three-man U.S. police escort and flown to New York, according to Reuters....
Closed Captioning Transcriber Did Brad Guzan Dirty
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FIFA Exec Investigated For Disappearance Of Haiti Earthquake Money
If you were harboring any notions that FIFA couldn’t possibly be any more corrupt than it already is, prepare to be disabused of those notions. ...
NCAA Finally Puts Hammer Down On Games Against Fake Colleges
The NCAA is finally setting actual standards for its members, declaring “countable opponents” must be real colleges and not pseudo-schools masquerading as real colleges in order to earn game checks for showing up and getting blown out....
Report: Sepp Blatter Linked To Allegedly Corrupt $10 Million Payment
A 2007 email between supposed-to-be-resigning FIFA president Sepp Blatter and then-South African president Thabo Mbeki discussed $10 million that went to allegedly corrupt soccer executives as a payment for the country’s successful 2010 World Cup bid, reports South Africa’s Sunday Times ($)....
How Kevin Johnson Used Public Money To His Own Personal Ends
Kevin Johnson has ambitions of becoming something much more than just mayor of his hometown of Sacramento, Calif. So far, the former NBA star hasn’t found a way to realize them—but his desire to expand and promote his brand has meant that Sacramento city staffers have had lots of extra work to do th...
Indicted Official On National TV Broadcast: FIFA Funded 2010 Elections
Former FIFA official Jack Warner bought airtime on some of Trinidad’s biggest TV networks in primetime tonight to air his own “The Gloves Are Off” political message, claiming he had proof FIFA money influenced the 2010 Trinidad & Tobago national election....
How Much Is FIFA Like <i>The Godfather</i>? ESPN And ABC Count The Ways
Josh Margolin with ABC News is reporting today that Sepp Blatter is a target of the federal investigation unveiled last week, which included the indictment of 14 international soccer leaders and businessmen. Those charges included some old-school classics familiar to anyone to who loves a good organ...
Arrested Ex-FIFA VP Cites <i>The Onion</i> In Strange Self-Defense Video
Today in Dumb FIFA Man, arrested ex-VP Jack Warner tried to thank his supporters and clear his name during a strange Facebook video in which he cites a report from The Onion to prove FIFA’s generosity. ...
Missouri TV Station Airs <i>Branson Country USA</i> Instead Of Game 7
Hockey fans in Joplin, Mo. hoping to see an exciting Game 7 between Chicago and Anaheim tonight aren’t getting live Stanley Cup Playoffs hockey on NBC. No, their affiliate KSNF has the most redneckian of redneck shows on instead: Branson Country USA. The channel helpfully advises viewers looking for...
How Many Ways Can You Hide A Bribe? The Best Of The FIFA Indictment
“There are some people here who think they are more pious than thou. If you’re pious, open a church, friends. Our business is our business.”...
IRS Goober Hits FIFA With A Tasty Burn
There were a lot of important things to discuss at today’s Department of Justice press conference about the corruption charges being brought against FIFA, but let’s worry about that stuff later. For now, we can focus on this dude from the IRS, who stepped up to the podium and unleashed hell:...
Reports: Justice Department Brings The Goddamn Hammer Down On FIFA
According to reports in both the Wall Street Journal ($) and New York Times, a number of FIFA officials were just arrested in Zurich, Switzerland, and according to the Times are expected to be extradited to the United States where they will face charges of “wire fraud, racketeering and money launder...
Please Do Not Interrupt The Indianapolis Motor Speedway Chairman
IMS chairman Mari Hulman George has been ordering Indy 500 drivers to “start your engines” for longer than most of us have been alive. Today, another woman tried to butt in on her command, Kanye-style. Mari Hulman George wasn’t having any of it, and damn near backhanded the young lady....
Closed Captioning Error Blesses Nik Stauskas With Fantastic Nickname
Something wonderful happened during Tuesday night’s game between the 76ers and Kings. Sacramento rookie shooting guard Nik Stauskas hit a pull-up three, and the closed captioning translated the play-by-play call of “Stauskas, hitting the three” into “Sauce Castillo hit the three.” Sauce Castillo!...
Madonna Needs A Nap
Madonna needs a friend who will grab her by the shoulders and ask the hard questions, like, "Are you sure this is such a good idea?" She has needed a friend like this for many, many years, and no, the help does not count. Sure, I know she has a new album out and all that, but she really needs to dri...
The Tears Of A Clown
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Even The Big European Powers Can't Stop The Winter World Cup In Qatar
As the tides of progress surge on, even Europe realizes its powerlessness in the face of Qatar's insistence on making the 2022 World Cup the first to be held in the winter, thus wrecking the domestic leagues' seasons. Our last hope for sanity to prevail—a defiant UEFA protecting its own highly-profi...