rb Page 448 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
It Just Keeps Giving
I'm afraid I gave you only part of the story with the earlier Mike Cooper post. Carl Monday has gotten himself involved again, and where there's Carl Monday, there's more story....
Mike Cooper Avoids Jail Time; Prison Showers
The sentence has come down, once again, courtesy of our man Jimbo. Mike Cooper, he of library-masturbating fame, was found guilty, and was fined $150 plus court costs. That's it. Bail was $500,000, and the fine is $150. All is well that ends well, I suppose. Who among us hasn't paid $150 for an or...
The Mike Cooper Sentencing ... You Are There!
Well, the Mike Cooper sentencing is over, and our man Jimbo was, indeed, there. We're still not sure precisely what Cooper's sentence was — Jimbo didn't make it that far into the proceedings — but he was there, and he even captured Cooper and his parents on his camera phone ... kind of....
Quick! Time To Save Barbaro Again!
Apparently, there aren't enough children writing letters: Barbaro is in serious trouble....
Hit One in the Handicap Section
So, the odds on the Home Run Derby have been released by venerable betting gurus Covers. Favorites for the derby include Fightin's swatting sensation Ryan Howard (+540), Big Papi (+530), Lance Berkman(+530). Underdog collars go to Jermaine Dye(+1130) and Troy Glaus (+1116)....
Todd Sauerbrun Gets Suspended for Fat Kid Pills
The Denver Broncos Todd Sauerbrun will most likely face a one month suspension after his pee -pee test revealed that he had dietary supplement Ephedra in his system. As you may remember, Ephedra was a popular drug used to curb people's appetites, speed up their metabolism, and, oh yeah, possibly k...
The Real Story Of The World Cup
After all the talk of diving in soccer yesterday, we couldn't possibly have been happier to receive this comprehensive study from "Information Builders." The point of the study is to look at the World Cup so far — up to but not including this morning's Germany-Argentina game — and tally which teams ...
Live Blog: Serbia & Montenegro Vs. Cote d'Ivoire
OK, so fine: This is another one of those games that doesn't mean anything. The Poland-Costa Rica game yesterday was supposedly "meaningless" too, and that didn't stop it from being perhaps the most entertaining game of the day....
Live Blog: Argentina Vs. Serbia & Montenegro
You know, we're pretty proud of ourselves for not once — not once — making a single "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina" comment. Maybe it's because they haven't lost yet. We're gonna see if we can keep that going. Except for now, that is....
Ross Verba Is Once Again Employed
Ross Verba is an NFL offensive lineman. Well, he used to be, and then he wasn't, and now, I suppose he is again. Here's a quick list of things you should know about Ross Verba:...
Barbaro Finally Responds To Fans
As we have widely documented extensively and in excruciating detail, all kinds of gentle-hearted simps have been sending letters to the injured Barbaro over the last few months....
Scott Sauerbeck Apologizes To His "Fans"
So, for those who might have missed it yesterday, Cleveland Indians relief pitcher Scott Sauerbeck was arrested with a female companion after weaving drunkenly through traffic and then hiding in some bushes behind a house. (That's his mugshot, there.) No explanation had been given for the sudden d...
So, How Is That Horse Anyway?
For those of you who were wondering how everyone's favorite non-sentient being was going in his quest to survive long enough to have sex with any horse in sight, the Associated Press has a full report on jockey Edgar Prado visiting the horse in the hospital today....
Just Another Manic Monday
Before the week runs its course and we head into our pleasant weekend of barbecues and hangovers, we just wanted to once again salute the genius of CLEVELAND'S INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER Carl Monday, who continues to blow the lid of the cottage "jerking off in a library to get away from one's terrifyi...
What Being "Put Out To Stud" Can Really Mean
As recovering horse Barbaro continues to rake in the get-well cards and well-wishes from somewhat bewildering "fans," we take a moment to look at what being "put out to stud" really means. If Barbaro does survive all this, we all have an image of Barbaro spending his golden years humping around, b...
The Most Brilliant Thing You'll See All Day
So a local television station in Cleveland decided to put together an "investigative report" on the dangers of allowing your children to go to the public library....
Letters To Barbaro
As BarbaroMania sweeps the nation like a crazy horse tsunami, we pause to pay tribute to our army of commenters, who were in top form on Wednesday. Your messages to Barbaro were, um, at once inspiring and disturbing: "Get up. WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME. — Jack Bauer, 35; Los Angeles, CA, USA, soon ...
You Don't Bring Me Apples, Anymore ...
OK, we'll admit it; we wrote a letter to Barbaro. Dear Babs: Get well soon, you big, crazy ungulate mammal. Sorry you got hurt, and also for breeding you with legs like chopsticks. Our bad. Well, see ya. Yeah, like you haven't written. Sure. Have you seen New Bolton Center, the hospital in Kennett...
Jake Plummer, Terror On The Road
It's easy to forget now, but for a while there last year, Broncos quarterback Jake Plummer was having a pretty cool year. The Broncos had the best record in football, some were touting him as an MVP candidate and some even thought he could lead the team to the Super Bowl. And then the blowout and ...
Isiah Is Keeping Good Company
Not to imply that matters in New York have passed the point of no return for Isiah Thomas and the Knicks — they were hammered by the Magic last night — but Knicks fans-turned-haters are now comparing him to Zimbabwe president Robert Mugabe....