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The Skins Are Delaying The Inevitable
Case Keenum declared that Washington’s dead-on-arrival loss to the Bears Monday night was “all on me.” That is absolutely false. Any truly great or truly awful team is just that, a team effort— it requires 53 men, plus coaches and front office and even ownership. And the Skins are a unicorn turd of ...

Heartbreaking: Dan Snyder Won't Buy This Man A Spoon
In what is absolutely not a metaphor for Jay Gruden’s coaching and [gestures vaguely at Washington’s routine ascendance to new frontiers of dysfunction], the Monday Night Football broadcast caught a team employee on Washington’s sideline stirring a cooler full of Gatorade with what appears to be a p...

Of Course The Skins Misspelled London Fletcher's Name During His Ring Of Honor Ceremony
Dan Snyder’s football clown show spent halftime of their Monday night meltdown loss inducting retired linebacker London Fletcher into the Ring of Honor of their miserable, far-flung hell-hole of a stadium. Fletcher spent less than half of his career in Washington and won zero playoff games, but wha...

You Will Never Unsee Morgan Moses's Hasty Right Leg
I do not advise tuning in for the Monday night matchup between Washington and the Bears for any reason. Those deranged enough to watch this horror show have seen the Bears pound the bejeezus out of the home team in every phase, starting with a first-quarter pick-six to open the scoring. The especia...

At Least Freddie Kitchens Knows He Blew It
We’re three games into Freddie Kitchens’s first full season as head coach in Cleveland, and so far things have been rather chaotic. The Browns are 1-2 and one of the more heavily penalized teams in the league, and Kitchens often looks and coaches like a guy who was handed the headset after winning a...

Rookie Bengals Head Coach Zac Taylor Lost His Shit Because He Didn't Know The Rules
Despite an encouraging second-half comeback on Sunday afternoon against the undefeated Bills, the Bengals couldn’t pull out their first win of the 2019 season, losing on the road 21-17 after Andy Dalton threw an interception with 12 seconds to go....

In Stunning Reversal, Reds Pitcher Amir Garrett Runs <i>From </i>Fight
Reds pitcher Amir Garrett, who led a valiant if poorly planned solo charge of the entire Pittsburgh Pirates organization back in July, seems to have put those salad days behind him....

Washington's Running Back Conflict Resolves Itself In Characteristically Grim, Destructive Fashion
Washington running back Derrius Guice missed his entire rookie season after suffering a knee injury during his first career preseason game. This year, Guice injured his other knee in his first career regular season game, and is expected to miss only half the year. If he keeps this pattern up, the th...

Jay Gruden's Players Are Pissed After He Inexplicably Made Adrian Peterson A Healthy Scratch
Washington head coach Jay Gruden opted not to use Adrian Peterson at all in Sunday’s loss to the Eagles, despite the running back being healthy and ready to go. Gruden instead fielded Derrius Guice and Chris Thompson, who rushed a combined 13 times for 28 yards, and Wendell Smallwood, who didn’t hav...

Red Sox Fire Team President Dave Dombrowski Nearly A Year After Winning World Series
Not even a full year after the Boston Red Sox won the World Series, they’ve fired president Dave Dombrowski, per ESPN’s Jeff Passan. Dombrowski had been with the team since August of 2015....

Vernon Davis Hurdles Defender, Burns Eagles For 48-Yard Touchdown, Walks Off In Pain
With Jordan Reed inactive, Washington started Vernon Davis at tight end today against the Eagles. It paid off early with this spectacular 48-yard touchdown, but that might’ve used up all the remaining gas in the 35-year-old’s tank....

Here Are 13 Seconds Of Baseball That Were More Exciting Than The Entirety Of <i>Thursday Night Football</i>
Thursday night’s regular-season opener between the Green Bay Packers and the Chicago Bears was a real dog. Fancy camera angles and old-timey costumes could not lift the sloppy, disjointed mess on the field. It would be generous to describe it as a defensive battle, but defense had little or nothing ...

Referee Tony Corrente Pays Tribute To Late Red Cashion With Signature "First Dowwwwwn" Call
Early in the first quarter of Packers-Bears, Tony Corrente, the game’s referee, announced a defensive holding call against Green Bay. At the end of it, he paid tribute to late former NFL referee Red Cashion by doing his own version of the classic elongated “first dowwwwwwwn” call....

Reds' Jacked Renaissance Man Michael Lorenzen Homers, Plays Field, Earns Win Against Phillies
Armed with his fantastic set of, uh, arms, Reds reliever Michael Lorenzen nudged the Phillies’ wild card dreams further out of reach in an 8-5 win Wednesday night, and became the second player in major league history to hit a home run, play a position in the field and earn the win in the same game. ...

Dan Snyder Actually Good At Owning An NFL Team, Says Direct Competitor, Presumably While Snickering
The upcoming NFL season will be the 20th since Dan Snyder purchased the Washington Redskins from the estate of Jack Kent Cooke in May of 1999. To mark the anniversary, the Washington Post has a state-of-the-franchise story up today, sort of a report card for Snyder’s first two cartoonishly dysfuncti...

In A Surprise To No One, Aristides Aquino Broke Another Rookie Home Run Record
It didn’t take long for Aristides Aquino to hit another home run and attach his name to yet another record. On an 0-1 pitch from Miami’s Robert Dugger, the Reds rookie smoked one into the stands in left for his 14th dinger of the month, officially breaking Cody Bellinger’s NL rookie record of 13 set...

Aristides Aquino Continues To Homer At An Alarming Rate
Aristides Aquino is a phenomenon. But with every home run the Reds’ rookie outfielder hits and just keeps hitting, he makes it slightly harder to dismiss as a late-season, Kevin Maas/Shane Spencer–type smash-in-a-pan, and adds evidence that he might just be a young dude who’s really, really good at ...

The Skins Have The Amazing Ability To Complicate And Worsen Any Injury To Their Players
Colt McCoy was the presumptive favorite to earn the not-especially-coveted starting quarterback job in Washington during training camp. That race appears to be up in the air today, after head coach Jay Gruden announced Wednesday that McCoy will miss Thursday night’s exhibition against the Bengals, w...

As A Formerly Decent Middle School Athlete, I Can Relate To This 13-Year-Old Who Won The European Diving Championships
This week in Ukrainian diving news: 13-year-old diving prodigy Oleksii Sereda has captured gold in the 10-meter European Diving Championships in Kiev, a historic feat I would definitely be significantly more impressed with if I too had not enjoyed athletic success as a 13-year-old. Sereda finished f...

Curt Schilling Once Again Threatens To Run For Office
Curt Schilling, former major-league pitcher and World Series hero who squandered away so much goodwill that the Red Sox no longer want anything to do with him, has for the umpteenth time floated the idea of running for office. What makes this time different is that Donald Trump gave him a signal boo...