red Page 193 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Modern Olympics Were Founded By A French Baron Who Was Sad That France Kept Losing Wars<em></em>
If you were looking to create an object that was the perfect physical manifestation of the Summer Olympics’ contradictory relationship with the partially invented history they sprang from, you could do a lot worse than the Olympic Torch....
Joey Votto Owned Me
On June 1, Cincinnati Reds first baseman Joey Votto had a triple slash of .213/.330/.404. I wrote an article expressing the opinion that, at the time, he was bad. A lot has changed since then. Joey Votto, like he did to the buffoon in the Reds shirt at last night’s game, has owned me....
Mariners Fan Fights Stadium Netting, Loses
Hanley Ramirez jerked a big dong this evening, sending a Wade LeBlanc fastball some 455 feet into the Seattle evening. It nestled its way into the netting above the scoreboard in left field, thus beginning this enterprising Ken Griffey Jr. fan’s treasure hunt. ...
Joey Votto Owns Clown-Ass Reds Fan
Don’t try to pull any shit on Joey Votto. Asking for some charity while sitting in some expensive seats? That’ll get you a taste of Joey Votto’s praxis. Trying to catch a foul ball and getting in Votto’s way? He’ll pull your card. ...
Nick Diaz On 2013 Loss To Georges St-Pierre: "Somebody Frickin' Drugged Me!"
American icon Nick Diaz is back, as an 18-month suspension the Nevada State Athletic Commission laid on him for possibly having smoked weed before a fight with Anderson Silva ended today. Is he still Nick Diaz, the guy who once mugged Mayhem Miller on broadcast TV as an appalled Gus Johnson shouted?...
Tiny, Adorable Dogs Attend NFL Training Camp
It’s NFL training camp time, which means it’s time to check in on Eddie Lacy’s middle, and also, apparently to check out some good-as-hell dogs. Washington cornerback Bashaud Breeland supplied the dogs....
Chief Zee, Washington's Naive, Aggressively Racist Mascot, Is Dead
Reports out of Washington, D.C., say Zema Williams, the most racist mascot in all of sports but otherwise a real nice guy, is dead....
Lou Holtz Is Really Going For It At The RNC
Donald Trump may not have been able to convince any famous athletes to speak at this week’s Republican National Convention, but he did get Lou Holtz’s support, dammit, and Lou Holtz is giving it everything he has....
Lindsey Vonn Jokes on ESPYs Red Carpet That She Masturbated J.J. Watt Back To Health
Tonight on the ESPYs red carpet, Hannah Storm was set to interview J.J. Watt alongside Lindsey Vonn. Storm’s first question was to ask Watt how he was able to play up to his historic standard last season despite suffering a handful of injuries. “I have a very good training staff and great teammates,...
Twitter Prankster Fools Sky Sports Into Reading Made Up Facts About Team From Gibraltar
Yesterday afternoon, Celtic lost a 1-0 stunner in Champions League qualifying to the Lincoln Red Imps, who are a semi-professional team from Gibraltar. A police officer scored the lone goal, and Celtic now have to win at home to avoid getting bounced by the best team from a country of 30,000....
Mighty Celtic FC Lose Champions League Qualifier To Lincoln Red Imps, Who We Swear Are A Real Team
Celtic FC’s annual European humiliation came early this year, as they lost today in the Champions League second qualifying round against a team of semi-professionals from Gibraltar. A police officer scored the only goal in the 1-0 victory. ...
Sprinter's Reaction To Learning He Won Euro Championship Gold Is Priceless
Spanish sprinter Bruno Hortelano placed second in the 200m at this week’s European Championships in Amsterdam, setting a new national record for Spain in the process—but a post-race inquiry revealed the runner who placed first in the final, Dutchman Churandy Martina, would be disqualified for leavin...
Tips For Getting Your First Credit Card As An Adult
If you’re an adult without a credit card, the barrier to entry can seem to loom a lot larger than it actually is. Somehow, during the inescapable progression of getting older, you missed a step in the far more deliberate process of growing up and now, not only do you not have a credit card, you don’...
The Atlanta Braves Borrowed Their Parking Scam From Dan Snyder
Last week, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported that the Braves had quietly asked for and received new traffic ordinances from Cobb County lawmakers. The Accessory Special Event Parking rule, which is among those edicts, bans all privately owned parking lots near the team’s new stadium from ope...
Billy Hamilton Scored From Second On A Passed Ball
Billy Hamilton: still an absolute terror on the basepaths. He scored the first run of today’s game against the Cubs by walking, stealing second, and then making it all the way home on a passed ball. John Lackey and David Ross really needed to be paying more attention to him!...
Holy Shit, The Canadiens Traded P.K. Subban
Minutes after the Oilers sent Taylor Hall to the Devils for Adam Larsson, the Montreal Canadiens traded P.K. Subban to the Nashville Predators for Shea Weber in a one-for-one trade. The hockey stove is so fucking hot....
Wild Brawl Breaks Out At Minor League Baseball Game
The Memphis Redbirds hosted the New Orleans Zephyrs this evening for some AAA action, and they treated their guests to a very spicy basebrawl. Apparently, Jose Urena tried to bean Jeremy Hazelbaker in the fifth inning, he charged the mound, and it was on....
You're A Bag Of Blood, Give Some Away
Several times a year—five if I can—I get stuck by a needle. A friendly hand hunts the crooks of both my elbows for a vein fat enough to poke, swabs it down with iodine, and dabs the spot with a marker as if it were a treasure map. Depending on whether or not I’m in the mood for sterile and unthreate...
Boris Berian's Legal Fight Against Nike Could Change Track And Field Forever (UPDATED)
UPDATE: Late on June 23, Nike dropped their breach of contract suit against Boris Berian, not because they were wrong or because the bad PR had reached toxic levels, but as a consideration of the stress the suit was causing Berian. Or Boris, as the congenial Nike spokesperson likes to call him....