red Page 371 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Playoff Pants Party! Redskins at Seahawks
Snore. Anybody else smell craptastic blowout on this one? Even though the Seahawks are notorious bed-shitters when it comes to the playoffs, it seems almost impossible for them to lose this game. Yes, the Redskins defense is great, Greg Williams is a multi-millionaire genius, and the offense is...hm...
J.J. Redick's Coming Out Party
And we thought the USC girl celebrating a Texas touchdown would've been the best photo of the week? Never underestimate the cleverness of a sneaky Terrapin fan....
I Like It When You Call Me Big...Pansy?
Red Sox bohemoth David Ortiz appears to be enjoying his black catsuit and mothball ensemble a little too much. Ortiz is this year's cover boy for the MLB '06 video game. He also enjoys late night strolls along the beach, pottery class and snuggling next to the fireplace....
He Stands Before You. Clinton. Simply Clinton.
If the real sports world were like the Deadspin sports world, someone like Dennis Rodman or Joe Pepitone would be popping open some champagne this morning, 1972 Dolphins-style: The Clinton Portis madness streak has finally come to an end....
Poll Results: Super-Size New Mexico!
You have spoken, dear readers, and it's perhaps little surprise that you'd be most afraid to run into Marcus "New Mexico" Vick at your local McDonald's. You know what's cool, though? He has a THUG LIFE tattoo across his McRib....
Blogdom's Best: Hating The Fighting Irish
Perhaps nothing says hatred like college athletics. We have witnessed the body painting, we have seen the flaming objects hurled onto the court. Yes, we have seen the pants waving from atop the flag pole. And today, we salute those pants. We believe that college athletics were invented to give stu...
Sean Taylor Needs To Practice His Spitting
If you watched last weekend's Redskins-Buccaneers game, you saw Washington safety Sean Taylor ejected for spitting on Tampa Bay running back Michael Pittman, and you know when you spit on a Marine who has been known to drive his Hummer into vehicles that contain his wife and child, there will be r...
Poll: Whom Do You Least Want To Run Into At McDonald's?
We still haven't quite come to terms with the bat-shit crazy weirdness of Marcus "New Mexico" Vick whipping out a gun at McDonald's the day after he declared for the NFL Draft, but it did get us to thinking: We haven't been to McDonald's for a long, long time. At first, we thought it was because w...
Redskins Surprisingly Effective Car Salesmen
With the Redskins improbably advancing to the NFL's Final Eight, we're obviously going to be ratcheting up the Clinton Portis coverage even more than we already have, if that's not terrifying enough for you. As a little appetizer, though, we present you this gaggle of advertisements for Easterns A...
NFL Playoff Roundup: Riiiiipppppp!
• Honestly, we know this was covered all weekend, but man, that Carson Palmer thing was the worst playoff moment we can remember. We think Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals have it tough; Bengals fans finally get in the playoffs, and two plays in, their Pro Bowl QB tears an ACL and MCL. (Quest...
Redskins vs. Bucs - 4th quarter
• Mike Patrick just said the words, "An exciting muff."...
Redskins vs. Bucs - 3rd quarter
• That's how you get back into a game. First, the Bucs force a 3-and-out with a sack on third down, then a nice punt return, then a very slick offensive drive capped by a Simms TD on a bootleg. That's quality work you did at halftime, Jon Gruden. 17-10 Redskins....
Redskins vs. Bucs - 2nd quarter
• The Redskins front 7 is playing very well, keeping Cadillac Williams in check. In essence, they're putting the game into the hands of Chris Simms. • Tampa Bay gets on the board with a Matt Bryant FG, making the score 14-3 Redskins. This leads to the positively infuriating "Score, Commercial, Kic...
Redskins vs. Bucs - 1st quarter
• Anthony Becht and LaVar Arrington seem to have different levels of respect for the recent accomplishments of their alma maters. Becht announced himself as being from "The 2006 Sugar Bowl Champion West Virginia Mountaineers," while Arrington said he was from "North Hills High." • Chris Hovan has ...
Coach Janky Spanky: Cliffs Notes Version
We know this has already been covered here, but, honestly, we're still so blown away by Clinton Portis' performance as "Coach Janky Spanky" yesterday that we feel obliged to point out the highlights for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of watching it yet. Here's a cheat sheet....
Manny Ramirez Mood Changes Again. Look, Again!
If you have the stomach for yet another Manny Ramirez update, apparently he told ESPNDeportes that he plans to say in Boston....
Playoff Pants Party: Redskins Vs. Buccaneers
The NFL playoffs start this weekend, and we can't wait. We'll be previewing all four games throughout the day today....
Portis Becoming Subtle Character Actor
We've witnessed the newest Clinton Portis character, and we have to say, even though the costume leaves much to be desired, it might be our favorite one yet....
Clinton Portis' Supermarket Sweep
Ever wonder what Clinton Portis might do if given $10,000 to spend in a Best Buy in the span of half an hour? Jeez, who hasn't?...
Culpepper: Lap Dances? Who, Me?
We don't want to overstate — and it probably won't happen, anyway — but if Vikings sex boat gods Daunte Culpepper and Bryant McKinnie get their way, we might be in for the real trial of the century....