rio Page 168 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Royals Assault Defenseless Orioles Pitcher With Barrage Of First-Inning Dongs
Orioles pitcher Dylan Bundy had a very short Tuesday night start against the Royals, but his outing was anything but merciful. Bundy marked himself with the dreaded infinity ERA by failing to record an out in the first inning as Kansas City smashed dong after dong, scoring seven runs on Bundy off ho...
Mario Balotelli Scores Wonderful Goal, Talks Shit About Referees
When last we heard from our favorite mohawked madman, Mario Balotelli, it right about this time last year as he came to the close of what turned out to be an unexpectedly impressive but still quintessentially Balotellian inaugural season with Nice in France. We are delighted to inform you that since...
Bay Area TV Reporter Resigns After Stealing Warriors Employee's Jacket
Mike Shumann, a longtime sportscaster for KGO-TV in San Francisco, has announced his resignation after being caught on camera last month taking a jacket that belonged to the Golden State Warriors’ director of team security....
God Bless Playoff Rondo
The Pelicans grabbed a vital and unexpected win in their second-round series against the Warriors Friday night, in a game that was never close after the Pelicans ripped off a 10-1 run near the start of the second half. Anthony Davis and Jrue Holiday were fabulous; Nikola Mirotic got loose for a doub...
The Final Installment Of The Engelb Vielma Tracker, Featuring The Greatest Anagrammed Hits
Many—most?—Orioles games feel vaguely pointless right now. The end result is usually clear before the game is underway, and while there’s plenty of different ways for the team to reach that result, those differ only in substance rather than sentiment. It’s all going to be pretty depressing. This was...
Rey Mysterio's Career Victory Lap Is Almost Here, And That's A Good Thing
The dubious politics of WWE’s Greatest Royal Rumble card in Saudi Arabia have taken center stage in the sport over the last week, but there were still some bright spots on the card itself. One of those was 2018's second WWE guest appearance from Rey Mysterio, this one coming in the titular 50-man Ro...
A Very Special Edition Of The Engelb Vielma Tracker: Let Viable Man Single!
The Engelb Vielma tracker is back, and this time it holds some excellent news for the utility infielder. When we left the 23-year-old last week, he had been sent down to Triple-A. But he was called back up to join Baltimore’s big-league club yesterday, and today—well, today, he got his first hit....
Report: Donald Trump Spent Quality Time Last Week Talking Football With Bill Belichick
In 1993, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen found time between Full House episodes to record an album called I Am the Cute One. Songs include “I Am a Kid,” “I Love to Scream,” and “No One Tells the President What to Do.” The last of those is a celebration of the truth of its title—the president can do whate...
Rajon Rondo's Really Trying To Bug Draymond Green
The Warriors facing the Pelicans in the second round means that two notorious shit-stirrers will be on the court together, and even if the series result is lopsided, the antics of Rajon Rondo and Draymond Green will compensate for it in entertainment....
Draymond Green Dares Charles Barkley To Punch Him In The Face
As he often does during Inside the NBA, a show designed to bait its hosts into late-night ramblings, Charles Barkley got to talking shit last night. Specifically about Warriors forward Draymond Green:...
Steph Curry Makes The Warriors Invincible
The version of the Golden State Warriors that dispatched the Spurs in five games and cruised to a blowout Game 1 win against the Pelicans is a fine NBA team. One that, if not destined to, certainly looked capable of winning the title while being led by top-five NBA player Kevin Durant. The version o...
Pedro Alvarez Clotheslines Teammate Chance Sisco
The Orioles are the worst team in the American League by record—8-20, tonight’s ongoing game against the Angels not included—and by just about everything else, too. (See: a collective OPS of .673.) Here’s a play from tonight that sums all that up pretty well: Pedro Alvarez running into Chance Sisco ...
The Warriors Revved Up And Beat The Pelicans At Their Own Game
There was a short period during the first quarter of Saturday’s Game 1 between the Pelicans and the Warriors when it looked like the Warriors were a little flustered by New Orleans’s frenetic pace. That five-game first-round series with the Spurs was downright sluggish, by Warriors standards: at 95....
The Pelicans Actually Have A Chance To Give The Warriors Problems
Klay Thompson doesn’t have too many ugly nights these days. It’s easy enough to isolate the one so far this postseason: On Sunday, he shot 4-of-16 from the field and logged a -18 plus-minus in the Warriors’ sole loss to the Spurs. It was a reminder that the league’s best offense can still sputter ou...
Engelb Vielma Tracker: Engelb Vielma Back To Triple-A, Plus Hot Fresh Anagrams
Today’s edition of the Engelb Vielma Tracker must open with an apology: We recognize that this update is tardy, and for that, we are deeply sorry. ...
Report: Sports Anchor Booted From Warriors-Spurs Series After He Stole Steph Curry's Bodyguard's Jacket
Bay Area ABC7 sports anchor Mike Shumann was sent home from San Antonio and kept off the air for Sunday’s Warriors-Spurs game after he was caught stealing the jacket of the Golden State Warriors’ director of team security, according to The Athletic....
Bill Belichick's Tiny Adorable Dog Attends Sporting Event
Meet Bill Belichick’s new puppy! The little tiny Alaskan Klee Kai is named after a Greek goddess, and he got to attend his first lacrosse game last night. Fittingly, he dressed up just like Bill....
Human Gronk Wants To Ride Horse Gronk
Rob Gronkowski, a 6-foot-5 steed who loves to gallop real fast, has purchased a minority stake in Gronkowski, a 6-foot-5 steed who loves to gallop real fast....
Who Does This Alleged Trump Goon Remind You Of?
Lawyers for Stormy Daniels released a sketched drawing of a man that Daniels says threatened her in a parking lot in 2011 after her alleged affair with Donald Trump. The goon is described as being a handsome fellow between 5-foot-9 and 6-foot, with a “lean but fit” profile....
Nothing Matters, But LaMarcus Aldridge Was Awesome Last Night
They have to say they believe they can win, of course. More than that, they have to actually believe that it’s at least possible, or they would not be the sorts of people capable of claiming the West’s seventh playoff seed with a roster that looks like somebody sat on a keyboard. None of the rest of...