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Tom Brady's Apparently Been Spending His Suspension Tanning His Butt
The New York Post just published a cool update on how Tom Brady’s been spending his Ballghazi suspension: tanning his large white ass in Italy....

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How The Hell Do The Patriots Do It?
Bill Belichick and Josh McDaniels are rightly being universally praised for the game plan that resulted in last night’s complete ass whupping of the incompetent Texans. But the Patriots’ 3-0 start with a pair of inexperienced quarterbacks not named Tom Brady, and a total of 14 snaps with banged-up R...

Report: Jacoby Brissett Needs Surgery On His Thumb
New England Patriots quarterback Jacoby Brissett injured his thumb in Thursday’s game against the Houston Texans and will need surgery, according to Mike Petraglia of WEEI....

The Texans Were Tremendously Incompetent
The Patriots entered tonight’s game against the Texans as slight underdogs at home, despite a history of destroying Houston anytime they had a chance, especially at home. The Patriots were starting a rookie quarterback, the Texans came in hot at 2-0, and Gronk looked banged up, but the Patriots are ...

Thanks To Draymond Green, NBA Refs Will Be Cracking Down On Hits To The Dick And Balls
Draymond Green was the loudest, brashest, most dick kicking-est player on the NBA Finals-losing Golden State Warriors, and he has already secured a legacy of sorts for himself: starting next season, NBA referees will be making a point to spot and penalize strikes to the dick and balls, or what the A...

What Do You Get For The Baseball Player Who Has Everything? A Busted Up Phone Box
Let’s go back to 2013. David Ortiz was putting together an all-star season at 37 years old, but on one July night in Baltimore, he was melting down. After arguing with umpire Tim Timmons’ strike zone, Papi got ejected. So he went back into the Red Sox dugout and destroyed the in-dugout phone....


Mario Balotelli Scores Two More Goals, Remains On Fire
Mario Balotelli has always been kind of a headcase. Of late, his nuttiness has unfortunately overshadowed his undeniable abilities. But now, after commemorating his second start with his new club Nice with his second two-goal match, it’s beginning to look like maybe Balo is more crazy good than just...

Adam Jones Wants To Know Where All The Orioles Fans Are
The Orioles are right in the thick of things, holding on to the second wild card and, at least before dropping the first three of their four-game series with East-leading Boston, contending for the division. They just wish more fans were showing up to see it....

Mookie Betts Is So Damn Mean To The Orioles
Mookie Betts—currently hitting .314/.356/.541 with 31 home runs, 24 steals, and 40 doubles—may very well end up being the American League MVP. If he wins the award, he should thank the Baltimore Orioles during his acceptance speech....

Rick Porcello Got Into It With Manny Machado And<em></em> Pitched The Most Efficient Game Of The Season
Rick Porcello has been the anchor of the Red Sox’s rotation all year, and tonight, he put forth his best game of the season, and the most efficient game anyone has pitched all year. It only took him 89 pitches to take care of the Orioles tonight, 65 of which were strikes. That’s the fewest pitches i...

Lindsey Graham Wants To Destroy America
Nary a single flag-humping horse’s ass, badge-licking fraud, or smarmy nostalgic thinkfluencer in the Western Hemisphere passed up the chance to display performative patriotism in the wake of Colin Kaepernick’s ongoing national anthem protest. Here in 2016, national fabrics both figurative and liter...

It's Jacoby Brissett Time, I Guess
The New England Patriots had prepared to work around Tom Brady’s four-game suspension for the start of the season: Use Jimmy Garoppolo, err on the side of caution with anyone injured, and aim to scrape together a couple of wins. The team’s 2-0 after a 31-24 victory over the Miami Dolphins, but that ...

Lions And Titans Combine For 29 Penalties In A Battle Of The Inept
Today’s Titans-Lions game was a sloppy showing between two teams that seemed to have no self-discipline on the field....
![Jimmy Garoppolo Hurt His Shoulder [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/oq1gndknnqabl9n0mq5e.jpg)
Jimmy Garoppolo Hurt His Shoulder [Update]
The Jimmy Garoppolo era in New England has been suspended after the Patriots quarterback suffered a shoulder injury in today’s game....

This Is Maybe But Probably Not Tom Brady Secretly Calling In To A Radio Show
Boston radio show Toucher and Rich received an interesting call from a listener on Wednesday’s program. “Matt” from “San Diego” had a bone to pick with the radio hosts....

Orioles Post Lots Of Pretty Numbers As They Make A Run For The AL East<em></em>
The addition of a second wild card has kept plenty of teams playing meaningful games around Major League Baseball well into September. But when it comes to the real pennant races, only the AL East is any fun. ...


He Kicks You In The Financial Balls
Have something you think we should know? Email us at [email protected], call our confidential tips hotline at (347) 746-8471, or contact our writers directly, or use our SecureDrop system. You can also follow us on Twitter, like us on Facebook, and sign up for our newsletter!...