rist Page 68 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Christian Pulisic Rings In The New Year With A Powerful And Absolutely Legit Slam Dunk
Christian Pulisic—the wonderteen, the nation’s best and most favored soccer man, an elite athlete blessed with speed and agility and hops we don’t normally associate with slight, diminutive whiteboys—had himself a (mostly) great 2017. To commemorate his metaphorical ascent to the heights of the spor...
The SEC Network Yule Log Is Our Nation's Greatest Contribution To Avant-Garde Cinema
My family only has a few Christmas traditions, among them cinnamon rolls, trips to the dog park, bike rides, and yard work. But the most important tradition—one that gets us up early on Christmas morning—is the SEC Network Yule Log, which is just like other yule log broadcasts except that the orches...
Kyrie Irving, On Christmas, The Holiday: Christmas Isn't Necessarily A Holiday
Kyrie Irving is a man of many strange and poorly constructed takes, and he has never been shy about launching these dizzying takes into the public consciousness. Christmas, you may have heard, is Monday. Here is Kyrie Irving, on Christmas, a holiday celebrated the world over:...
Eggnog's Better In A Cup Than On A Carpet
‘Tis the season to get messy....
The Actual Night Before Christmas<em></em>
‘Twas the night before ChristmasAnd all through the house…Not a damn thing was ready....
The Penguins Do <i>A Christmas Story</i>
Every year, the Pittsburgh Penguins put out their own version of a holiday classic. This year it’s A Christmas Story, and I hadn’t realized this until now but the holiday season can’t officially begin until you’ve seen Kris Letang admiring himself in a bunny suit while Phil Kessel moans, “He looks l...
Do We Grow Out Of Going Home For The Holidays?
This year on Christmas morning, we four adult children will emerge from our various haphazard sleeping situations, my sister and I from the double bed we traditionally share, and my brothers from their makeshift beds in the unfinished basement, or perhaps one of them will have fallen asleep on the c...
Bristol City Fans Invade The Pitch After Last-Minute Winner Against Manchester United
Korey Smith sent home a stoppage-time winner for Bristol City to give his club a 2-1 win over Manchester United in the League Cup quarterfinals today. Although United can mostly shrug off this defeat in a relatively unimportant competition, the Bristol fans at Ashton Gate won’t forget their night fo...
Please Enjoy "The Joy Of Christmas," The Greatest, Goofiest Christmas Album Ever Made
Tastefulness. It has no place when celebrating the holiday season, but some people just can’t fucking help themselves. Look at this Spotify playlist:...
Here is Kristaps Porzingis's Spherical, Slightly Worrisome Personal Trainer
From the Daily News today comes a profile of Kristaps Porzingis’s flavorful “personal physician and trainer” Dr. Carlon Colker, who has no affiliation with the Knicks....
Could Santa Claus Defeat Godzilla?<em></em>
I got more Star Wars takes before we get into your letters. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna spoil anything, but I watched The Force Awakens a couple times after seeing the new movie and the difference in dialogue is night and day, man. Everyone in TFA had better lines than they do in The Last Jedi. Take ...
Christian Yelich And J.T. Realmuto Are Fed Up With The Marlins
The Miami Marlins spent the last two weeks trading most of their players worth a shit elsewhere, and now, the rest of their players who are worth a shit are reportedly unhappy with the team’s management....
America's Wonderteen Delivers 89th-Minute Match-Winner For Dortmund
Borussia Dortmund claimed a 2-1 win over Hoffenheim today when Christian Pulisic juggled his way past Oliver Baumann in the 89th minute to score yet another game-winner for his side, keeping them in third place in the Bundesliga....
Jets Offensive Coordinator Admits He Gave Up Against Broncos
Okay, so the Jets’ offense didn’t turn out to be historically awful this season, as I said it had a chance to be. Shoot me. Hell, the Jets even have five wins, which is ... something, I guess. But it still took a grand total of 13 games for their offensive coordinator to cop to saying, Fuck it, let’...
Kristaps Porzingis Is Hurt, But He's Smart
Kristaps Porzingis removed himself from last night’s 111-104 win over the Nets after a non-contact injury to his left knee. He tweaked it once in the first half and then left the game in the third quarter after re-aggravating it on this play. ...
Michael Beasley Was The Space Oddity The Knicks Needed
Tuesday’s game between the Knicks and Lakers was pretty fun to watch, but it was also a reminder that New York is gradually staggering out of the Basketball Dark Ages, its path forward lit by the bright French teen Frank Ntilikina and the divine rays emanating from The Long Son of God....
The Lakers And Knicks Went Nuts For Two Minutes
Madison Square Garden looks like an extremely fun place to be tonight, as two teams filled with intriguing young talents keep going back and forth with each other through three quarters. The game’s excitement peaked (so far) with this pulse-pounding two minutes of basketball, which kicked off with a...
Marlins Continue Begging Other Teams To Rob Their Clubhouse
Time for some wholly unsurprising news! The Marlins front office’s brazen salary dump is continuing apace. Days after trading Giancarlo Stanton to the Yankees in exchange for a handful of trampled sunflower seed husks and one (1) cup of moist infield dirt, they’re now reportedly shifting their focus...
Enjoy This Lovely Christmas Moment
Last weekend, Santa made a preseason appearance at the Tampa Bay Beach Bums Operation Santa Charity Volleyball Tournament to deliver a toy to a very lucky nine-year-old. He opted not to use a sleigh, instead skydiving into the beach but before that into a tree and a lightpole....