rock Page 67 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
When The Machines Finally Take Over, It Will Be Because Of The Assholes Who Designed A Robot That Cheats At Rock-Paper-Scissors
Thanks to the incredibly short-sighted scientists at Japan's Ishikawa Oku Laboratory we now have this robot that will never, ever lose at rock-paper-scissors. And it's not even a cool robot that processes a million variables per second and beats you straight up. No, it's just got a super fast camer...
Denver Brewery Makes Clown Question Bro Beer, Bryce Harper Suggests Donating Proceeds To Fund For Daughter Of Slain Officer
Fine, so it was someone in Bryce Harper's stable of handlers, but still, it's a nice sentiment. "That's a clown question, bro" has taken on a life of it's own and a Denver brewery named a beer using the famous retort to join in on all the fun just as Harper was in town to play the Rockies....
Four-Team Trade Sends Lamar Odom To The Clippers, ESPN Searching For New Picture Of Tadija Dragićević
The Mavericks sent disgruntled power forward/Kardashian sweetheart to the Los Angeles Clippers in a deal including four teams. The Clippers sent Mo Williams to the Utah Jazz who in turn received the draft rights to Shan Foster from the Mavericks. Dallas received the draft rights to Tadija Dragićevi...
Raven Wanted To Rent <i>Buffy The Vampire Slayer</i>, And We Didn't Have It In Stock: More Wrestler Run-Ins
Inspired by the saga of "Wrestling Superstar Virgil," pro wrestling's saddest man, we continue with readers' encounters with the titans of the squared circle. If you've had your own run-in with wrestlers past or present, e-mail us, subject line "Virgilbag."...
John Rocker Is Now An Unsurprisingly Bad Political Columnist
If you are a fan of John Rocker and third-rate conservative internet rags, today is a big day for you. WND.com, which is essentially an even stupider version of The Daily Caller, has brought the infamous former Atlanta Braves closer onto the site as a political columnist. Based on what happened the...
Report: Prosecutors Have More Victims Ready To Come Forward If Jerry Sandusky Is Acquitted
Another day, another round of potential allegations of child sex abuse against Jerry Sandusky. Last night, NBC's Rock Center aired a report in which 30-year-old Travis Weaver said Sandusky began abusing him when he was 10, and that the molestation even took place during a trip to California for Penn...
Todd Helton's Heartbreaking Moment Of Staggering Forgetfulness Leads To Walk-Off Loss
It was a bad night for Todd Helton, the cornerstone of the Rockies for 16 seasons, he of the .321 lifetime batting average and 58.7 WAR (good for 11th among active players and higher than Vlad Guerrero, Ichiro, and a slew of others you'd expect to be above Helton). But tonight in Philadelphia, when ...
The Rockies Go To A Four-Man Rotation
Coors Field is being Coors Field again, with balls flying and batters partying like it's 1999. Despite the best efforts of the magic humidor, numbers are cartoonish and the only proffered explanation is that it's been extra dry in Denver this spring. Whatever the cause, the Rockies can't pitch. They...
So, Who Embarrasses Himself The Most In <em>Rock of Ages</em>?
The central appeal—or anti-appeal—of any Hollywood adaptation of a musical is not about the music or the choreography or the set pieces; it's about watching actors who don't usually sing, sing. One of the most fun aspects of Chicago was learning how charming and deft Richard Gere was; it was equally...
The Rockies Are Losing Because They Were Mean To Ubaldo Jimenez, Idiot Columnist Claims
The Colorado Rockies have been awful this year. For example: Jamie Moyer was the team's most reliable starting pitcher for a good chunk of the season. After they ditched Moyer, Jeff Francis came back for the lamest return-of-the-prodigal-son ever (he gave up eight earned runs in less than four innin...
The Flaming Lips, Oklahoma City's Only Other Reason For Being, Rewrite 1999 Track to Celebrate Thunder
While the Thunder ponder what might have been in San Antonio last night if they hadn't committed four offensive fouls in the fourth quarter, or if they'd defended Manu Ginobili with something sturdier than hard glares, they can regroup to the flattering sounds of OKC's favorite local psychedelic roc...
Look Mom, No Hands: Home Run Edition
Old Man Moyer will be shaking his cane at kids for days after this one. On a day when he gave up four home runs and allowed seven runs against the Cincinnati Reds, this right here will stick in his craw most. Todd Frazier hit a home run in the bottom of the fourth by essentially throwing his bat at...
![Today's Diamondbacks-Rockies Game Was Delayed Due To Bees. Lots Of Bees. [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17mxy031xa9hdjpg.jpg)
Today's Diamondbacks-Rockies Game Was Delayed Due To Bees. Lots Of Bees. [UPDATE]
A swarm of bees delayed today's Arizona-Colorado game in Denver for several minutes during the top of the fifth inning, as the mass of winged insects invaded the first base line and Rockies' dugout before eventually gathering near a photographers' well on the the right field line....
Jamie Moyer Continues To Break Every Oldest Baseball Player's Record
Record-breaking old man Jamie Moyer, who legend has it is older than dirt, legged out a two-run infield single tonight, becoming the geezeriest ballplayer to ever drive in a run. Pitcher Jack Quinn of the Brooklyn Dodgers was 48 years, 11 months, and six days when he hit a three-run double back in ...
This Photo Of Troy Tulowitzki And The Rockies' Trainer Is Not What It Looks Like
In the eighth inning last night, Rockies shortstop Troy Tulowitzki was standing on the top step of the dugout when he took a foul ball from Dexter Fowler off his left leg. Tulowitzki told the Denver Post the leg went numb and that he thought it might have been broken, but X-rays were negative. Tulow...
Padres Fan Catches Foul Ball In Beer Cup, Chugs
OK, OK. As you can see in the video below, it wasn't a clean grab, since it's obvious the ball ricocheted into dude's cup. But so what? Both Padres play-by-play man Dick Enberg and his broadcast partner, Mark Grant, knew what had to be done. And, just like that, dude obliged....
Jamie Moyer Has The Oldest Grudges In Major League Baseball, Too
Nobody survives till age 49 in the major leagues without making enemies. Hence Jamie Moyer's dustup with whippersnapper Chipper Jones this weekend. And before that, the middle-aged mushballer talked to Westword for a feature story. In one of the outtakes, he explained that he had come close to signi...
Tim Welke Demonstrated Why "The Human Element" Is A Pathetic Joke
Tim Welke's the embodiment of the "human element" defense of baseball's reliance on live umpiring and reluctance to use replay except in specific situations. Indeed, it was that phrase he used in his letter to Sports Illustrated complaining about the use of his picture in their "Kill The Ump" iss...
Rain Delay Theater, Human Toilet Edition
We're closer to living in a just world, a world where college baseball rain delay antics are front page news and lead SportsCenter. Edgewood College knows what's up: their athletics office put together this video and sent it along. That's the D-III Eagles and the Rockford College Regents engaging ...
Sometimes You're The Cyclist, And Sometimes You're The Pavement Splatter
This video comes to us via good old Jimmy Traina, and god damn. Sunday's Rock Lititz Tour in the heart of Amish Country was highlighted by this brutal crash, and maybe your turn is too sharp when the two race leaders both hit the barricades. According to the YouTube uploader, the first cyclist was...