rum Page 35 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Our Night-Blind President
There are different degrees of being on vacation. There are the ones that involve unplugging all the way—smash your dumbass phone with a large flat rock, shred your passport, move to the woods for like six days, then come home and I guess shop for a new phone. There are the moderate, heavily hedged ...
Giants Co-Owner Burns Donald Trump, Says Giants Players Will Not Be Punished For Any Anthem Protests
Giants co-owner Steve Tisch told The Hollywood Reporter this week that Giants players who demonstrate against police brutality and systemic racism during pregame national anthem ceremonies will not be punished by the organization, whatever ultimately happens to the NFL’s increasingly dumb-looking an...
Finally, Here's The All-Borat Episode<em></em>
When we recorded this Deadcast, Sacha Baron Cohen’s Who Is America had yet to premiere. To the extent that we or our extra-lanky returning guest Patrick Redford knew anything about the show, it was through a series of brief promotional videos in which Cohen himself didn’t even appear, although it se...
All The Controversy In The World Can't Stop NFL Revenue From Hitting A New All-Time High
Amid all the hand-wringing and propagandizing over the damage done to the NFL’s popularity by player protests during pregame national anthem ceremonies, the important available numbers continue to paint a picture of a league that is invulnerable to controversy. The NFL’s ratings are up in relation t...
Donald Trump Pauses Historically Embarrassing Press Conference To Toss A Soccer Ball At His Wife
Donald Trump just finished up a joint press conference with Russian president Vladimir Putin, during which he has stopped just short of offering to lay down on the stage and suck Putin’s toes. He also interacted strangely with a soccer ball before bouncing it in the direction of his wife:...
Report: Trump's Supreme Court Nominee Blames Massive Credit Card Debt On Nationals Season Tickets
In a truly troubling sign of poor judgment, Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh says he racked up huge sums of credit card debt purchasing season tickets to watch the chronically disappointing Washington Nationals play baseball in their charmless stadium year after year:...
The Manny Machado Sweepstakes Is Raging
Manny Machado turned 26 on Friday; he is in the prime of his career, and he is having the best season of his life. The Baltimore Orioles have the worst record in baseball, and not much hope of being better any time soon. It seems certain that by the end of this month—maybe even by the end of this we...
For The Last Time: NFL Ratings Are Not Down. They're Up, Compared To Everything Else
I am once again forced to use this space to explain something that is evident to anyone who has been paying attention to the nature of the television industry over the past few years....
Joshua Blew A Trumpet And Fell The Walls Of Jericho; Tim Tebow Blew A Fly Ball Off The Wall And It Hit Him In The Head
Look, man, I dunno how many more of these Tebow headlines I have left....
Magi Came From The East Upon Seeing Jesus’s Star; Tim Tebow Is An Eastern League All-Star
Binghamton Rumble Ponies outfielder Tim Tebow, a 30-year-old man who has admirably persisted in his dream of playing professional sports for a living, has earned himself a small token of success by being named to the Eastern League All-Star Game. Tebow has only batted .261 all season, but heated up ...
Mike Leach Is Extremely Normal
Mike Leach is not mad, but mostly he is not crazy. He’s your average Fox News viewer, mostly, but also famous and rich and the best-paid public employee in the state of Washington....
The Entire NBA Draft Depends On Whether The Kings Screw It Up<em></em>
The NBA Draft is tonight! It feels terrible. ...
Celtics Great Kevin McHale Enjoys Old Feeling Of Being In An Arena Full Of Screaming Bigots
Donald Trump held one of his insane rallies in Duluth, Minn., on Wednesday night, and he was joined by thousands of angry ghouls who got to enjoy an evening getting intoxicated on white grievance. Among those in the crowd was ... Celtics legend Kevin McHale!...
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Let’s Remember Some Guys: Pro Wrestling Edition
My uncle introduced me to pro wrestling. I think I was seven. He clued me in on the gag right away: Guys pretended to fight, and it was hilarious....
LeBronWatch: Earl Boykins Says LeBron Will Never Play For The Knicks, Is A Near Lock To Join The Nuggets
The LeBron James free agency news is coming hot and fast now. Some important things have already been settled: LeBron is definitely joining the Lakers; LeBron definitely wants the city of Houston to sink into the ocean forever; LeBron is definitely joining the Knicks. Also something about Scottie Pi...
LeBronWatch: Scottie Pippen Can Neither Confirm Nor Deny That LeBron Is Definitely Going To The Lakers
Welcome back to LeBronWatch, where we are watching LeBron. So far, our observations have provided us with two unassailable truths: LeBron James is absolutely going to sign with the Los Angeles Lakers, and he believes that Houston is a city of puke. Today brings us more insider information, though co...
Ho Hum, Dennis Rodman Weeping On CNN Over The Personal Sacrifices He's Made To Broker Peace With North Korea
Monday night North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un joined a historic summit with Donald Trump, a sleazy failed businessman turned sleazy reality television star turned sleazy opportunistic Republican turned President of the United States, and I mean to tell you we haven’t even gotten to the truly psyche...
They Already Said They Weren't Going To Go, Man
Even though LeBron James and Steph Curry had already said that neither of their teams would visit the White House if they won the NBA Finals, today Donald Trump tried to pretend like he wouldn’t have invited them anyway. Surely the basketball players will regret the opportunity to watch a septuagena...