ryan Page 131 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
How The West (And The MVP) Might Have Been Won
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who thinks that a Lakers/Celtics Finals is starting to look like a seriously real possibility. When he's not dusting off his old "I Hate The Lakers" t-shirt, you can find him practicing his "Beat L.A." chant at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...
Bryant Mercifully Leaves the Booth
Bryant Gumbel does excellent work for HBO Sports, but as a play-by-play announcer for the NFL Network he was terrible. Fortunately both parties came to terms with that fact, and we will no longer be subjected to any of his two-minute "mournings" or legendarily indecisive first down calls. Awful Anno...
Kobe Cries Tears Of Blood, Lakers Win
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who believes that only you can prevent forest fires. So the next time there's a forest fire, it's totally your fault. When he's not blaming you for nature's fiery blazes, he can be found fanning the flames of Basketbawful. Enjoy! And the Warriors went down ...
Ron Artest Says "Raaargh," But Lakers Win Anyway
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who never thought he'd live to see the day when Joel Przybilla could push around Shaquille O'Neal. When he's not having his most cherished basketball memories irrevocably altered by The Big Eraser, he can be found dancing the funky chicken at Basketbawful. E...
Kobe Won't Stop Looking At DWade
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who freaking slept through the Mavs/Spurs game but then woke up for the Heat/Lakers game and therefore wants you to please, please kill him. When he isn't begging for death, he can be found seeking it out at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • Tim Duncan + Doing Everyth...
Bryant McKinnie, Back In The News, Thankfully
We will always hold a special place in our hearts for the four most prominent participants in the Vikings' sex boat scandal from a few years ago: Daunte Culpepper, Fred Smoot, Moe Williams and, today's featured star, Bryant McKinnie. Those guys have us so much enjoyment that we remain honored to hav...
Watch Where You Park Your Truck Around The Cows
Far be it from us to tell Rockies outfielder Ryan Spilborghs what to do with his truck, or how to live his life, but we think he should either consider new parking options, or stop offending the golden gods of animal excrement....
Ryan Dempster Says ... No Wait ... He Says ... Really ... The Cubs ... Ha ... Sorry, We Just Can't
You'll have to forgive us, considering this happened pretty early in the day yesterday, but, well ... sometimes we just can't help ourselves. We have to point out legendary romantic Ryan Dempster's bold proclamation for the Cubs this season....
The Clashing Of The Titanic Titans
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who is in no way related to Kevin McHale and who has taken the necessary legal steps to ensure that it stays that way. When he's not screaming in soulless rage at the merciless Pagan gods, he can be found making fart jokes at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...
Today's Episode: Isiah Has An Epiphany
Skeets is off celebrating Christmas Eve the way that all Canadians do; pantsless and migrating with a herd of elk. So your NBA Closer today is being written by United States Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Alphonso Jackson. Do enjoy....
Cultural Oddsmaker: III
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday ... well, the next two Fridays, anyway. Yes, after more than a year of goodness, Mr. Daulerio is retiring the Cultural Oddsmaker column at the beginning of 2008. There are now THREE left. Email him to let him know how much you'll miss him. Happy Fri...
It's All About The Dead, Dude
This handsome, vigorous young sprite is Bryan Saltus, a 37-year-old golfer on the Pro Asia Tour. This past weekend, he won his first ever tournament, in China. When he announced whom he was dedicating his victory to, he totally did not waste it, not at all....
And A Kidd Shall Lead Them
Was it just a few short months ago that Jason Kidd was practically a Los Angeles Laker? Just about everyone called it, then had to redact. Too bad. Instead of one great team (LA), we now have two mediocre ones. Bryant scored 31 points (on 7-of-31 shooting) for the Lakers, and Kidd had 15 points, 14 ...
Please Give A Warm Forum Welcome To Day One Of The NBA Season
Welcome the return of your daily recap of NBA "action."...
Please, No More Kobe Bryant
We're gonna just man up and beg the Lakers here: Please, please, trade Kobe Bryant. We don't care where. Chicago? Phoenix? Dallas? We don't know, and we don't care. Just get it done, and fast....
Ryan Dempster Will Make You Root For The Cubs
A reader named "Al" sends in the above picture, and the following story, after the jump....
There Are Safeties Weaker Than Ryan Seacrest
You know, we didn't mean to come across as openly derisive toward Ryan Seacrest yesterday when we pointed out that he will be a co-host of the Super Bowl this year. In fact, we clearly underestimated the guy....