san Page 486 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you settle down for a long winter's nap ... • NFL: Denver at San Diego. (8 p.m.) Shanahan looks as close to an elf as you're gonna get. [ESPN] • Movie: How The Grinch Stole Christmas (8 p.m.) They say that Belichick's heart grew three sizes that day. [ABC] • Movie: The Godfather (9 ...

A Christmas Eve Game You Can Guiltlessly Ignore
We suppose, if they have to play a game on Christmas Eve, we appreciate that it's a game that doesn't really matter. Maybe there's a few fantasy stragglers counting on it, but that seems about it....

Today's Episode: Isiah Has An Epiphany
Skeets is off celebrating Christmas Eve the way that all Canadians do; pantsless and migrating with a herd of elk. So your NBA Closer today is being written by United States Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Alphonso Jackson. Do enjoy....

Patriots First Round Draft Pick Gets Progressively Worse
Because that's pretty much all the 49ers have left to stay motivated at this point. Their record helps that pick they famously gave to New England continue to plummet. A silly little upset of Tampa Bay puts them at 5-10 and currently the Patriots pick 8th....

Battle Of The Stars
The NBA Closer is written by our own Canadian weekend maestro J.E. Skeets. When he's not busy scouring the box scores or spelunking, he can be heard on The Basketball Jones daily podcast. Enjoy!...

Playoff Ball In December
The NBA Closer is written by our own Canadian weekend maestro J.E. Skeets. When he's not busy scouring the box scores or stretching, he can be heard on The Basketball Jones daily podcast. Enjoy!...

About Last Night
What you missed while battling the Rodents of Unusual Size ... • NFL: Vikings win 20-13, oust Bears from playoff hunt. Mini-Ditka still alive, however. • NBA: Suns beat Spurs, and to add insult to injury they do it while wearing those funky orange-and-gray uniforms. • NHL: Red Wings beat Capitals 4-...


Duncan Returns, Does Little, Spurs Still Win
The NBA Closer is still written by me. I only kept this awkward italicized intro here so I could link to The Basketball Jones podcast. Why? Because hits brings a big ol' smile to Tas' face. Enjoy!...

Ring In The New Year With Kwame Brown
We can't think of any athlete more worthy of a special VIP table than Kwame Brown; it seems the perfect pre-Rose Bowl palate cleanser. But we hope no one brings a cake....

Your Team Would Like To Trade For Santana Too
Andruw Jones signed with the Dodgers yesterday — the money seems a bit high, but the two-year commitment wouldn't seem crippling to us — and Dontrelle and Tubby McTubberson headed to Detroit, and that's pretty much all that came out of baseball's winter meetings, which end today. So, perhaps Johan S...

All For Naught
The NBA Closer is written by our own Canadian weekend maestro J.E. Skeets. When he's not busy scouring the box scores, he can be heard on The Basketball Jones daily podcast. Huzzah!...

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'
Well, this just makes me miss Deadwood all the more: It seems that raunchy language was such a problem in professional baseball in the late 1800s, that the league actually handed out a document telling players to knock it off. It lists several examples of banned expressions, which are absolutely fil...


The Culinary Genius Of Bill Belichick
For some reason, today seems like a really, really, r-e-a-l-l-y slow sports day. Maybe it's because the NFL lineup at 1:00 is substandard. Maybe it's because Dan Shanoff is making nary a sound as he quietly crunchees the numbers to see if a three-loss team can make the BCS championship game. So t...

A Trade That's Just Crazy Enough To Work!
The baseball winter meetings start next week, and that means countless unsubstantiated guesswork and fantasy trade scenarios. That's the fun of it, really; it will distract you from the horror that comes when your team gives $12 million for four years to Kyle Lohse....

To Watch Tonight
What to watch as for once you get your ducks in a row, and two are shot by Ted Nugent ... • College basketball: Georgia Tech at Indiana; Wisconsin at Duke. We'll find out which conference is better, once and for all (not really). [ESPN] • Minnesota at Florida State; Purdue at Clemson. Do not anger a...

We've Been Punk'd By The Chargers
This story is a couple of days old, but by now you may know that the hippopotamus-in-the-swimming-pool story was a fake. Chargers' assistant coach Steve Crosby — who claimed that a hippo ended up in the pool at his Escondido home during the recent wildfires — admitted that the made up the story "to ...

That Gripping AFC West
We will confess, we did not watch the Monday Night Football game last night; we had a concert, the Illini were on and, frankly, we're gonna get enough football in the coming days. But we take solace in knowing there's a division worst than the Buzzsaw's NFC West....

What Group of People Will Phil Jackson Offend Next?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think....