sat Page 22 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

White Chocolate Would Really Prefer You Not Violate His Private Space, Mr. Reporter
The frustration of the Magic's poor showing thus far in the conference finals has reached its boiling point. Watch as Jason Williams swears a blue steak at a reporter, and Matt Barnes cannot help but laugh. H/T Jovan....

10 More Songs Notre Dame Could Have Used For Promotional Purposes
Remember that awful Notre Dame promotional video we wrote about yesterday? Well, it only seemed awful because everyone interpreted it wrong. Actually, it was kind of brilliant. My pal Nate Freeman, who knows nothing about sports, is here to explain....

Obama's 20-Something Staffers Wind Down With Softball And Beer Pong, Like Every Other 20-Something
Our basketball-crazed President is something of a health freak, apparently, so it makes sense that his young staffers are physique-obsessed, too. They go to the gym, play pickup basketball, field a softball team and play beer pong with David Axelrod....

Saying Goodbye To Guru, With That Weird Tom Gugliotta Mix
This video was posted on Saturday but after today's news, it's a bit more poignant (but no less preposterous). Listen to Gang Starr's "Peace of Mine" and think about the good times we had. RIP, Guru....

Incorrect Report On Baseball Salaries Drives Country Into A Tizzy
Everyone breathlessly re-published USA Today's annual salary survey, with the shocking news that the average salary is down 17 percent from 2009. In actuality, average salaries are up from last season. Whoopsie....

One Of Ben Roethlisberger's "Bitches" Speaks Up
Ben Roethlisberger's still getting hassled over that innocent Thursday night of bar hopping in Milledgeville, Ga. and now there are more people willing to say damning things about him since he's apparently not very nice to everyone....

Satan, For One, Cares About The Pro Bowl
The devil wants to destroy successful believers, Cowboys o-lineman Leonard Davis tells BPSports.net. That means you, Christian Pro Bowlers! "Satan is definitely on the prowl," Davis says. "He wants to see us fail." [BPSports.net]...

FSN's Charissa Thompson Gave Some Interesting Twitter Commentary About Last Night's SOTU
Thompson, a sideline princess for Fox Sports and former "Best Damn" co-host, took to Twitter last night to share her thoughts on President Obama's SOTU address. She was reluctant, at first, but eventually just HAD to say something....

This Is A Thing That Happened: Digger Phelps Dancing With A Clemson Cheerleader, And Not Badly
H/T reader Joseph A. [YouTube]...

One Last Open Thread: Chuckles Aplenty On <em>SNL</em>
The allegedly humorous Charles Barkley will host the allegedly humorous Saturday Night Live tonight. With, it would appear, musical guest Big Mama Thornton....

The Golf Channel Gets Racy After Dark
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

A-Rod Loses His Golden Muse
A stunning report from the bowels of the gossip arena on a Tiger Woods break: Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson have apparently broken up. No golf clubs were swung, no hydrants were run over, according to reports so far....

Breaking: World Frantically Googling The Sports Guy's Wife, Bruno Kirby
As Leitch noted earlier, the fascination with the Sports Fella extends, a little creepily, to his wife. And now look: She's the No. 11 Google hot trend, two notches below "sammy sosa bleached" and 19 sports ahead of "bruno kirby."...

Begun, The Hockey Playing Ice Bear War Has
A Russian circus manager was mauled to death by a bear wearing hockey skates. First, Anchorage, then Fairbanks, now Kyrgyzstan? The angry sports bears are officially out to get us. This won't end well for humanity. [BBC]...

South Carolina Golfer Loses Arm To Angry Alligator
A 70-year-old tries to retrieve his ball from the drink, but a 10-foot alligator decided he'd rather pull the guy into the water and chew on him awhile. They should make a hilarious movie about that! [Fanhouse/ESPN/OurKitchenSink]...

Big Ten Network Undeterred By Gimpy Sideline Pony
Charissa Thompson, sideline reporter for the Big Ten Network, broke her ankle doing step aerobics and will wear a cast. She's not DL'd yet, so keep her in your lineup. This is officially the slowest news day in history....

Unfortunate Dog Dies Ironic Death
The CEO of Richmond SPCA, a very outspoken critic of local boy Michael Vick, lost her family dog to kidney failure after he was left in the backseat of her car for four hours. Uh boy.... [Times-Dispatch/MidwestVoices(via)/700 Level]...

Insensitive NFL Sells Brett Favre Dog Jerseys!
OMG, you guys! Can you believe the Minnesota Vikings are such cold heartless bastards that they would profit off the pain of animals by selling personalized dog jerseys! It's almost like they don't care how ridiculous your pets look!...

Why Your Team Sucks: Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Some people are fans of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

Welcome To The Suck
So we have Viking fans storming Winter Park. We have ESPN following Brett Favre's black SUV via helicopter....