si Page 463 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
God Help Us All, DeMarcus Cousins Is Fitting In Perfectly With The Warriors
For six months, Steve Kerr urged caution. Yes, DeMarcus Cousins joining the Warriors was a ridiculous coup, but Boogie’s recovery from an Achilles tendon tear was going to take time. Sure, the four-time all-star’s arrival in Oakland on a one-year rental represented yet another instance of Golden Sta...
Qatar Beat The Hell Out Of UAE And Then Got A Bunch Of Shoes Thrown At Them
The UAE had big hopes this winter. The tiny Middle Eastern nation is hosting this month’s Asian Cup, and national team appeared to be on the brink of something special when they qualified for the semifinals against their hated rivals, Qatar. Then Qatar beat the shit out of them so badly today that t...
Lonzo Ball Would Prefer To Be Traded Where He Can Start Right Away, Just As I Would Prefer To Stalk My Enemies From Atop A Mighty Tyrannosaur
The Lakers are expected to offer some combination of young foundational players to the Pelicans in exchange for Anthony Davis, who requested a trade from New Orleans over the weekend. The most prominent of those young players is one Lonzo Ball, who by this time last year was viewed as the crown jew...
Golfer Loses $100,000 Thanks To Bullshit Violation Of New Rule
Haotong Li should have finished in a five-way tie for third place at last weekend’s Dubai Desert Classic. It would have been a somewhat disappointing finish given that he came into the final round only one shot off of the leader’s pace, though he still would have left the United Arab Emirates with a...
Patrick Mahomes Cared Enough About His Pro Bowl Performance To Drop An F-Bomb On Live TV
One of the feeble attempts at making the Pro Bowl seem somewhat interesting has been broadcasting quarterback cadences and conversations as they’re on the field. But even that nearly fell apart....
Oh Look, An Owner Of An MLB Team Has Brought Up Another Excuse To Not Pay Bryce Harper Or Manny Machado Their Worth
Astros owner Jim Crane was the latest team owner to give his opinion on why stars like Bryce Harper and Manny Machado aren’t receiving the blockbuster contracts many expected them to sign this offseason. At a team event on Friday, Crane, whose net worth is an estimated $2.5 billion, told reporters t...
You Can't Get There From Here
“It’s not going to change a damn thing,” the President of the United States told an assemblage of news anchors at an off-the-record White House meeting some weeks ago. “But I’m still doing it.” To a certain extent, that groaning is just standard Trump shit—his signature all-caps triumphalism is bala...
Useless Senator From Louisiana Takes To The Floor To Moan About The Saints Game
The U.S. government entered day 35 of its shutdown today. Hundreds of thousands of federal employees have not been paid in over a month, the airline industry is on the brink of total collapse, and the lines outside food banks get longer every day. Meanwhile, Louisiana Republican Senator Bill Cassid...
Louisiana Overturns Bullshit Rule Barring Undocumented Students From Playing High School Sports
It seems especially difficult to find good news for undocumented immigrants right now, but here is something nice. Thanks to intense community involvement and legal push-back, Louisiana’s undocumented students will now be able to play high school sports in the state, after a deeply unpopular rule—wh...
A Bunch Of People Close To The Saints Desperately Want Roger Goodell To Step In And Screw This Up
Late Thursday afternoon, Benjamin Watson put out an all-too-serious complaint about the blown pass interference/unnecessary roughness call the Saints didn’t get in the NFC Championship matchup against the Rams. In a screenshot posted on Twitter, Watson called on commissioner Roger Goodell to step i...
<i>Sports Illustrated'</i>s New Business Idea: Streaming Replays Of Liverpool Matches
While most subscription streaming services are competing to snap up rights to live programming in an effort to attract paying viewers, Sports Illustrated, a publication that simply can’t compete with broadcast giants like ESPN or NBC Sports, has bought the rights to show replays of Liverpool matches...
Let's All Calm Down About Tony Romo
Mike Tyson was a predictable boxer. Michael Jordan was a predictable basketball player. Tom Brady is a predictable football player. It doesn’t matter how hard you study. If you’re not good enough, you will lose. That’s the predictable part....
All Hail The Rafael Nadal Banana Shot
Rafael Nadal gored YouTuber Stefanos Tsitsipas 6-2, 6-4, 6-0 today. Their Australian Open semifinal match took just 1:46, but in that span the winner erected a monument to one of tennis’s historic shots: the Rafa banana forehand. Above is as pristine a specimen as has ever appeared in nature....
Why Does A Leader Of The Indonesian Genocide Get To Play In So Many PGA Tour Pro-Ams?
There is a scene near the start of Joshua Oppenheimer’s award-winning 2012 documentary The Act Of Killing in which Japto Soerjosoemarno—the leader of far-right paramilitary group Pemuda Pancasila—is being interviewed on a golf course about his role in the Indonesian genocide of 1965-66. As he’s warm...
Let's Just Keep Doing This Shit Forever!
There’s no sense in waiting for it at this point. The New England Patriots, who have been shitting up the mid-winter for sports fans throughout this entire terrible millennium, are not remotely close to going away, not any more than, say, measles or famine are close to going away. They’re a problem,...
Barcelona Signed Frenkie De Jong And Now Must Figure Out Who They Want Him To Be
It is glaringly obvious that Dutch midfielder Frenkie de Jong is one of the most exciting prospects in world soccer today. While I and most others writing about him now, after the hotly contested courtship that involved pretty much all the game’s biggest clubs finally came to a close when Barcelona ...
Barry Bonds And Roger Clemens Not Elected To Baseball Hall Of Fame
For the seventh straight year, the greatest hitter of all time and the greatest pitcher of his era will not be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens received 59.1 and 59.5 percent of the vote, respectively, short of the 75 percent needed to enter Cooperstown....
What Story Does The Baseball Hall Of Fame Want To Tell?
The National Baseball Hall of Fame is a museum commemorating a particular professional iteration of an old American game; the long room of bronze plaques featuring the ballplayers that various groups of voters have decided over the years have sufficient “fame” is a part of it, but also something ver...
Here Are Some Things Stefanos Tsitsipas Said Right After The Biggest Moment Of His Career
Stefanos Tsitsipas is one of the world’s brightest tennis prospects. He has a whomping beauty of a one-hander to his credit, as well as a knack for stylish net finishes, a recent win over Roger Federer and, now, one of the loftiest accomplishments in his profession—a major semifinal. It is also wort...