si Page 838 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Decision About LeBron's <em>Decision</em> Was An Orgy Of Self-Interest, With Jim Gray On Top
There's a brief section about The Decision in Those Guys Have All the Fun, and if the details aren't exactly fresh, the takeaway is somewhat new: Everyone involved was using everyone else for their own ends to produce what amounted to a massive orgy that they all came to regret the next day. And LeB...

Deadspin Classic: Dick Ebersol Is The Biggest Failure Of Them All
In the wake of Dick Ebersol's messy resignation from NBC Sports, we revisit the writings of a former NBC employee, who remembers Ebersol's failures being as legendary as his accomplishments....

Tubby Messi Impersonator Dribbles Past Old Women, Sheep To Reenact Goal Against Real Madrid
That's how easy it is to get to Wembley, according to this silly video which looks to have been made by Opel and recreates Messi's second goal against Madrid in the first leg of the Champion's League semifinal. There's also a version with crones:...

Bill Simmons, Big Swinging Dick
Here's a fun passage from Those Guys Have All the Fun, addressing Bill Simmons's two-week suspension over his tweeting in 2009. ...

CBS Also Passes On Awful Sitcom About Mark Schlereth's Life
CBS revealed its 2011-12 primetime schedule today. We already knew it would lack the wretched Colin Cowherd pilot, but we now know that it doesn't have that god-awful Schlereth show either....

Now They're Making Fun Of Jay Cutler In The Wisconsin Senate Race
Poor Jay Cutler. Jay Cutler did not ask for any of this. He did not ask to be born with the most hangdoggery hangdog face of all time. He did not ask for you to question his toughness. And he did not ask to become the punchline in the Wisconsin Senate Race. But that is what has happened....

Dook Loses Elite Recruit After Repeatedly Misspelling His Name
P.J. Hairston, the No. 13 senior in the country, according to people who believe in the mostly arbitrary rankings of high school students, announced over the weekend that he would attend the University of North Carolina. The 6'4" swingman, who finished up his prep career at the Hargrave Military Aca...

America Mercifully Spared From Awful Sitcom About Colin Cowherd's Life
Tweeted Cowherd, "Network passed on my sitcom. On to plan B. In talks with Charlie Sheen for new show 'Almost Winning.' Taste that CBS."...

Tiny Japanese Luchador Will Whup Any Transvestite's Ass
Rarely has a 50-pound child been this much of a beast off the top ropes. Or this morally compromised. Only in Japan, folks....

Behold The Pride Of The Ohio State University
Police busted a 1,000-strong block party near the OSU campus over the weekend, and these three young gentlemen — from left to right, Michael Shivak, 21, Matthew Coleman, 19, and Brian Witt, 21 — were arrested on charges of a felony assault on a police officer. No idea how Shivak came out so clean....

Here's A Picture Of Cam Newton's Absurdly Detailed Birthday Cake
Sure, Cam Newton was the No. 1 pick of a league that doesn't tangibly exist at present, but that didn't stop Sassy Girl Bakery from going all decadent with his birthday pastry. Wonder what it cost. Wonder who paid....

Evan Longoria Didn't Really Make This Life-Saving Catch
If you're willing to believe this video is real, "Gillette Young Gun" Evan Longoria of the Tampa Bay Rays saved a lady reporter from getting her brains knocked out of her right ear, with four perfectly framed "Gillette" signs in the background. But you don't believe this video is real, do you? Goo...

Lionel Messi Got A Stern Talking-To For Breaking An Airplane Wall (With Video)
It's all fun and games until a bunch of dudes celebrating their La Liga title on a plane take it one step too far. Specifically, hitting the wall of said plane so hard that a panel near the emergency exit falls off. Even more specifically, when the person doing the hitting is Lionel Messi of F.C. B...

Here's Video Of A Field-Hopping Fan Eluding Astros Security
What's being dubbed "The Great Fan Escape" went down in the bottom of the ninth inning as Houston Astro Carlos Lee was trying to tie the game against the Mets. Both Lee and on-field security charged with keeping the Minute Maid Park field invader-free failed to do so....

Here's Video Of A Remarkable Goal At Last Night's World Hockey Championships
Do you believe in Finnish dudes being able to carry a puck on their stick and put it past a Russian goalkeeper to advance to the finals of an international hockey tournament? Well, Mikael Granlund is your Eruzione, if Eruzione traded in pure talent and not just moxie....

The Grizzlies Were Prince To The Thunder's Morris Day Last Night
Your morning roundup for May 14, the day after a homeless Bulgarian man beheaded an elderly British woman in a Spanish supermarket, walked away "clutching the head by its hair, leaving a trail of blood dripping to the ground," but got caught after an Italian motorcyclist threw a helmet at his face....

Man U Manager Alex Ferguson Charged With Earnestly Complimenting A Referee
Sir Alex Ferguson, manager of Manchester United who recently served a five-game suspension and paid a £30,000 fine for criticizing a referee after a 2-1 loss in March, has once again been charged with improper conduct for publicly speaking about a referee....

Cockblocked In Thailand!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Alabama Football Player Found Dead; <em>ESPN Insider</em> Has The Story On Which Player Can Best Replace Him
The University of Alabama has confirmed that Aaron Douglas, an offensive lineman, was found dead in Florida this morning. There are no more details regarding the nature of his death, but ESPN Insider's Albert Lin is ahead of the news in some awful way: earlier this afternoon, the "Rumor Central" wri...

The Bizarre Cult Of Pro-Owner NFL Fanboys
Here's a tidy summation of how we've managed to get to where we are with the NFL lockout. A few years ago, the players and owners agreed to a new CBA, with only Ralph Wilson and Mike Brown voting against the agreement, in Wilson's case because he's old and easily confused by things....