si Page 886 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Today In Hilarious Baseball Stat Acronym Humor
Ladies and germs, I give you Jerry Thornton of WEEI....

Beadle Distressed By Inflatable Dong Tongue; Cowherd, Not So Much
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Corey Haim, Dead; Bill Simmons Mourns
Excpect 5,000 words on how Haim's death is comparable to River Phoenix's by 5 p.m. [SportsGuy33]...

Simmons-Olbermann Feud Tweeted To An Unsatisfying Conclusion
Just so we're clear: The Sports Fella did not get into writing to respond to Keith Olbermann's response to Simmons's response to Olbermann's response to that one column Simmons wrote in crayon. [@sportsguy33]...

The Olbermann-Simmons Feud Is Getting Feisty
Wherever you come down in the Keith Olbermann-Bill Simmons blood feud, you can surely agree that the former just drew a helluva line in the sand by calling Simmons "the most uncontrollable, unmanageable talent in the history of ESPN."...

Canadians Also Win Gold For Synchronized Peeing
The City of Edmonton charted water consumption during the hockey gold medal game and found that the whole damn town apparently saved its "business" for the intermissions. [Pat's Papers]...

Acting! Wins The Weekend
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the poor unappreciated working stiffs who get paid unconscionable sums to play make believe for a living. It's about time they got some attention....

Sidney Crosby Hates America (But You Already Knew That)
In New York this week, Crosby turned down an invitation to do Letterman's Top Ten list, and apparently it's not the first time. He's probably a Leno fan. Figures. [NY Post]...

Olbermann Joins The Sports Fella Pile-On
On Simmons: "I am again left to marvel how somebody can rise to a fairly prominent media position with no discernible insight or talent, save for an apparent ability to mix up a vast bowl of word salad very quickly."...

TRAPPED IN A CAGE! Great Moments In Drunken Hookup Failure
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go. But first, an announcement....

Slipping And Tripping In Warren Sapp's Hometown
You're familiar with Dark Side of the Locker Room. Consider this the THX Edition of Dark Side. Our storyteller is Padgett Powell, author of Edisto, The Interrogative Mood, and the following dispatch from Plymouth, Fla., which was spiked by ESPN....

Civic-Minded Wrestler Of The Week: Tiger Jeet Singh
There's a minor controversy brewing in Ontario, where trustees have voted to name a public school after longtime wrestler Tiger Jeet Singh. Why all the fuss? It's not like he attacked audience members with his sword that many times....

Sports Fella Doubles Down On The Stupid
Remember that foolish thing Bill Simmons said the other day about Tiger and Muhammad Ali? Well, Bill has taken a step back, read some old Sports Illustrateds, and decided to be foolish again, only at much greater length. [Charles Pierce]...

Dead Wrestler Of The Week: "The Big Boss Man" Ray Traylor
Every week, the Masked Man, Deadspin's pro wrestling correspondent, honors the sport's fallen and examines their legacies — famous and obscure alike. Today: "The Big Boss Man" Ray Traylor, who died of a heart attack in 2004. He was 42....

Time To Start A Band Since We've Already Got A Kickass Album Cover
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

It's A Whole New NFL (Or At Least A New Art Department)
I hope you like change, because the NFL sure does. The Lamar Hunt and George Halas trophies have been redesigned — some would say emasculated — but that's far from the only new look we find scary and different....

They Would Vie For Mr. Irrelevant In Dave Chappelle's Racial Draft
Three L.A. teachers were suspended for giving kids photos of O.J. Simpson and Dennis Rodman to carry in a Black History Month parade. Among the alternatives suggested by the district: Kobe Bryant. I have made none of this up. [AP]...

Beat Writer Continues Nationals Coverage, Sans Newspaper
Just because the Washington Times fired their entire sports section, Mark Zuckerman isn't going to stop doing his job. For someone to cover the Nationals voluntarily, I'm not sure it's going too far to call him a modern day Jesus....

Last Night's Winner: Hoc-key?
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like hockey-crazed Americans, so jazzed by Olympic fever that they set NHL records for attendance and ratings....if only they knew what channel the game was on....

Wizards, Donuts, Knives, And Cannibalistic Fruits
Boner from Growing Pains committed suicide last week, and that left me sad. More important, it made me remember that I used to watch that show religiously, and spent a great deal of my childhood imaging that I was Mike Seaver. There was one episode where Carol brings home some new friend: a smoking ...