soccer Page 152 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
How Chelsea's Missing Piece Fell Into Their Lap
Yesterday, Chelsea kicked off their season against Premier League minnows Burnley. When the match started, their new, star midfielder Cesc Fàbregas looked strange, out of place donned in blue. He didn't seem like he fit. ...
Chelsea, <em>Hot Damn</em>
It's too early to declare something a goal of the year contender...right?...
The 49ers' New Stadium Is Probably The Future Of Concessions
Yesterday saw the 49ers' very first game at their new home, Levi's Stadium, and if you had to pick one quote from a fan to summarize the tens of thousands of opinions out there, it'd be the one the Chronicle got from one season-ticket holder: "I live in San Francisco, so it's a little far. But t...
Something Disgusting Happened In Ashley Young's Mouth
It's hard to say exactly what this is that flies directly into Ashley Young's mouth—many on Twitter say it's bird shit, which should make you want to eat Clorox wipes for a week—but even if it's just human spit, it's equal parts amazing and gross. ...
West Ham Idiot Runs Length Of Pitch, Takes Free Kick For Spurs
An Idiot On The Field invaded the pitch at Upton Park today, and made the most of his time in the spotlight: he took a crucial free kick for the visiting Tottenham Hotspur....
This Isn't Your Club's Year: Our 2014-2015 Premier League Preview
Woohoo, soccer people. We're back....
Angry Soccer Coach Tries To Kick Ball, Falls Right On His Ass
Here is your latest reminder that you should never, ever try to kick something while you are angry. Because when you are angry you tend to forget things—like the fact that you are wearing very expensive dress shoes and standing on a slick floor, and that even though you are so damn mad and that ball...
FIFA Insists Women Play On Turf, Even Though They Hate It
The 2015 women's World Cup is still quite a long way off, but that doesn't mean that FIFA isn't already working hard on alienating the participants. No organization is better at being the worst than FIFA, except for maybe SMERSH....
Borussia Dortmund Player Scores Goal, Dons Spider-Man Mask
Borussia Dortmund beat Bayern Munich 2-0 in the DFL Supercup today, thanks in large part to a spectacular header from Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang in the 61st minute. After he scored, Aubameyang yanked a Spider-Man mask out of his sock and put it on his head because, sure, why the hell not?...
Diego Maradona Slaps Fool-Ass Reporter For Winking At His Ex-Wife
Diego Maradona is and always will be the GOAT, mostly because he's the type of dude who, at the age of 53, will calmly exit his car, wade into a throng of reporters, find the one who may or may not have winked at his wife, and slap that dingus right in his face....
It's Over Before It Started: What You Need To Know About France Ligue 1
France's Ligue 1 kicks off today, and outside of watching Zlatan Ibrahimović and Paris Saint-Germain make fools of their opponents week after week en route to a third league championship in three years, you may be thinking "What's the point?"...
Ted Lasso Is Back, And He's Still Clueless About Soccer
Jason Sudeikis has reprised his role as Ted Lasso, the American football coach who doesn't know shit about soccer, and the bit is still funny....
Reports: Landon Donovan Will Retire At The End Of The MLS Season
Multiple outlets are reporting today that Landon Donovan will retire from soccer at the end of the MLS season. This is sad news that we all saw coming from the moment his name was left off the USMNT's World Cup roster....
Pep Guardiola Refuses To Shake Hands With MLS Team After All-Star Game
Upset with a pair of hard challenges from Osvaldo Alonso and Will Johnson for MLS in the second half Wednesday night, Pep Guardiola accosted the referees and MLS coach Caleb Porter for the final minutes of the match. As the game ended, he wagged his finger in Porter's face and refused to shake his h...
MLS Answers With An Insane Goal Of Their Own
MLS equalized against Bayern Munich in the 51st minute and it was every bit as sensational as Robert Lewandowski's. Bobby Boswell pushed the ball up the pitch and Erick Torres headed it further to Bradley Wright-Phillips, where a single touch was all that he needed before blasting it to the top cor...
Robert Lewandowski Scores On Curling Missile Against MLS All-Stars
Lewandowski fired off this rocket for Bayern Munich in the ninth minute of the MLS All-Star Game. Receiving the ball in a crowd of defenders, it didn't look like he had a chance to get anything off, but the ball popped up on his first touch and it actually bought him some time to wind up and kick th...
Ronaldo's Facial Fitness Commercial Is Inexplicable, Perfect
Have you been looking for a way to achieve maximum facial tone that doesn't make you feel so bored and tired? Isn't it time you had a way to be happy with your facial fitness without all the hassle? There have probably been dozens of scientists with degrees in science-related fields who have long ar...
