st Page 1280 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

D.C. City Council Owns Self

“What have you done for us, D.C. City Council?” asked the Nationals fan. “Well,” said the City Council, “we’ve ponied up over $700 million dollars to buy a stadium for a billionaire.”...

Indians Slap Three Dongs In Nine Pitches

The Cleveland Indians were down a run to the Boston Red Sox in the third inning of this evening’s game. Within a nine-pitch span, they went from trailing 2-1 to leading 4-2 after Roberto Pérez, Jason Kipnis, and Francisco Lindor all slapped solo dongs to right field....

Larry The Cable Guy Snapped A Dude's Arm While Arm Wrestling [Graphic]

Larry The Cable Guy, a comedian who’s made $50 million telling redneck jokes, is a huge Nebraska football fan. At the Huskers’ game against Illinois last weekend, this dude challenged him to an arm wrestling contest. He broke his arm like a Thanksgiving wishbone....

Here Are The Best And Most Ridiculous Evil Clown Safety Alerts

At this point, “creepy clowns” have been spotted in over a dozen cities, and at least one has supposedly lightly scratched a young boy. Whether or not we’re ready to admit it, our days of being able to walk down the street dressed as an evil jester with a chainsaw are over. Clown Purge has arrived. ...

Astros Apologize For Minor Leaguer's Shitheaded Tweet

Brooks Marlow is a baseball player in the Astros minor league system. He would kindly like these lady broadcasters out of his face. Get off ESPN, lady broadcaster, game’s on! ...

Which NFL Owner Told His Players Not To Protest Because "This Is My Stage"? [Update]

Seahawks wide receiver Doug Baldwin went on Any Given Wednesday tonight, and dropped a tantalizing anecdote about how NFL owners have responded to player protests during the national anthem....

Deadspin Up All Night: Long Way From Dumb

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Let’s go....

The Rock Provides Commentary For His First WWE Match, Burns Himself

This is a good and fun video from The Rock’s YouTube channel, in which everyone’s favorite large action hero watches his WWE debut from 1996 and provides commentary. ...

Letters From Death Row: James Broadnax, Texas Inmate 999549

We occasionally publish letters from death row inmates. Today we hear from James Broadnax, who was sentenced to death after being convicted for a 2008 robbery and murder in Texas....

This Is The Closest We've Gotten To Finding The Beer-Throwing Blue Jays Fan

The police have not yet identified the shithead Blue Jays fan that tossed a beer at Hyun Soo Kim last night, who the team said was able to slink off into the night before security could apprehend them. This, despite the rigorous work done by certified expert internet investigators such as myself. Wh...

We’re simulating tonight’s National League wild card game between the Giants and the Mets in Baseball Stars for NES, and it’s LIVE:...

I Covered The Braves For A Newspaper That Didn't Exist

When my sportswriter friend asked me, back in September of 2000, if I wanted to join him at an Atlanta Braves game that he was working, my first thought was, “That sounds fun!” When he suggested that I use an outdated photographer’s pass he had in his possession, issued for a different game vs. a d...

The Warriors Will Be Fun And Deadly And None Of It Matters Until May

The Golden State Warriors beat the Los Angeles Clippers 120-75 last night. Most of that lead was built in the first half, when both teams were still playing starters. You were probably watching the vice-presidential debate or the AL Wild Card game instead, because you rightfully don’t give a single ...

Idiots Who Run Harvard Let Their Low-Wage Workers Go On Strike 

Harvard University has an endowment of $35 billion and employs 47 Nobel laureates. But they weren’t rich or smart enough to pay their dining hall workers enough money to stop them from going on strike this morning. ...

Jeff Van Gundy Advocates Zero-Tolerance Policy For Domestic Violence Offenders

The Houston Rockets and New York Knicks met in the preseason this evening, and ESPN announcer Jeff Van Gundy used the occasion of Derrick Rose’s first appearance with the Knicks to make some points about domestic violence and how Adam Silver and the NBA should deal with players who are convicted of ...

Jose Bautista Kicks Off MLB Playoffs With Towering Dong

Hell yeah buddy, the MLB playoffs are back. Jose Bautista hit a tall dinger to score he first run of the postseason in the second inning. Bautista got way under this 3-1 pitch from Chris Tillman, but that didn’t matter, since he hit it to the dang moon....

Venezuelan Soccer Teen Scores Last-Minute Game Winner From The Center Circle

Venezuelan youth international and Florida State student Deyna Castellanos is really good at kicking the ball. She proved as much during an U-17 World Cup match against Cameroon, when she scored a game-winner deep into stoppage time, immediately off of the kick-off following Cameroon’s equalizer:...

Andy Murray Dryly Recounts The Time He Was Stalked Across Europe

Andy Murray just did a dull interview, revealing nothing of note, other than more of the usual banal athlete platitudes. After being asked “Do you have the ‘dry English humour?’” and confirming that he did have the dry English humour, he delivered a yawn-worthy anecdote about unsatisfactory room ser...

Local ESPN Radio Station To Drop ECU Game After Band Protest [Update]

Members of the East Carolina marching band took a knee during the playing of the national anthem prior to Saturday’s game between the Pirates and visiting Central Florida. In addition to being booed and heckled throughout the game, the band and football team are being boycotted by a local ESPN radi...

Somehow, The Vikings Might Be The Best Team In The NFC

When Teddy Bridgewater’s leg exploded into powder, it looked like the Vikings were in trouble. When Adrian Peterson hurt his knee then did a walk of shame through a restaurant, it looked the Vikings were in even more trouble. Instead of collapsing into a dumb pile of rubble led by Shaun Hill, they’r...