tea Page 101 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
![I-Team: Is This Randy Moss Trying To Open A Checking Account? [UPDATE: Yes, Sort Of]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17kwfvsv093avjpg.jpg)
I-Team: Is This Randy Moss Trying To Open A Checking Account? [UPDATE: Yes, Sort Of]
We just received the following email from a reader who wants to be called Biscuit:...

Tonight's Weather Forecast Will Not Be Seen Because Our Set Has Been Invaded By Bears
Havoc reigned in Scranton tonight when WNEP-TV's 11 p.m. newscast was interrupted by bears. Black bears, specifically, at least four of which decided to invade the outdoor set from which meteorologist Kurt Aaron was preparing to deliver his weather report. Aaron was, understandably, concerned for ...

Prince Fielder Steals A Base, Doesn't Need Oxygen Afterward, Maybe
It's pretty obvious Royals lefty Jonathan Sanchez never thought Prince Fielder would bother to run, let alone actually make it to second, which is no doubt why Fielder figured he could take off on Sanchez's first move. And look at him go! It's actually the 17th stolen base of Fielder's career—he h...

"Hell Is Other People's Fantasy Teams": Do Fantasy Sports Alienate Us?
Republished from The Classical. Art by Dmitry Samarov....

Kentucky Declares For NBA Draft
UK's entire starting five—freshmen Anthony Davis, Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, and Marquis Teague, and sophomores Doron Lamb and Terrence Jones—announced they'll be leaving Lexington after a national championship. They'll be joined by senior Darius Miller, so John Calipari—as proud as he is of his one-an...

Today In Jose Canseco Tweets As Motivational Posters: Teamwork
This is a feature wherein we celebrate Jose Canseco by creating motivational posters out of his actual tweets. We believe it is in this context that the world can best appreciate our favorite Bash Brother....

Joey Votto's New Contract Is Like A Mortgage-Backed Security
Reds first baseman Joey Votto officially signed a big contract extension today. A big, honking deal: 10 years, $225 million, on top of the two years and $26 million the Reds already promised him for 2012 and 2013. There's an option year for 2024....
![A Stoppage-Time El Salvador Goal Brought An End To The Olympic Dreams Of U.S. Men's Soccer [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
A Stoppage-Time El Salvador Goal Brought An End To The Olympic Dreams Of U.S. Men's Soccer [UPDATE]
The United States will not field a men's soccer team at the London Olympics after this stoppage-time goal by El Salvador's Jaime Enrique Alas forced a 3-3 draw in the CONCACAF U-23 qualifying tournament....

A TV Camera Caught A Woman Either Scratching Or Fondling Herself After Sunday's Pistons-Clippers Game
Here's a little something that may or may not be eligible for our C-Roll stash, and it comes to us from those intrepid sleaze merchants over at Busted Coverage. Keep your eye on the woman in red in the video above, which was recorded just after Sunday's Pistons-Clippers game. I'm not sure who narr...

New Mexico State Is Going Dancing
These truly are special times for the basketball-loving Land of Enchantment, with the Lobos running off with a Mountain West tourney win and now the Aggies from Las Cruces joining the party after their Saturday Night Special 82-57 drubbing of Louisiana Tech. [ESPN2]...

Hot On The Trail Of Twitter's DadBoner, The Internet's Greatest Mystery
Bold flavors. Power moves. Chest beefers. A thousand beers, you guys. If any of those references are familiar to you, then you're probably one of the over 52,000 people who follow the DadBoner Twitter feed, which is probably the best Twitter feed ever written by an imaginary middle-aged Michigan man...

The U.S. Beat Italy For The First Time Ever Thanks To This Clint Dempsey Goal
With Landon Donovan unfit to take the pitch, the U.S. wasn't given much chance to beat Italy in today's international friendly match in Genoa. But Clint Dempsey—scoring machine for Fulham of late—drew first blood for the Yanks off a timely pass from Jozy Altidore. It was the first non-penalty sco...

Mishaps In Online Advertising: The Danica Patrick Edition
Welcome back to Mishaps in Online Advertising. Today, thanks many of you readers, we have Danica Patrick spinning out of control. Fortunately for her, she's got that $500 vanishing deductible. Someone is on her side....

Hurry Up, Harbaugh. That Water Isn't Going To Pour Itself.
Your morning roundup for Feb. 23. Photo of Jim Harbaugh, in Indiana for the NFL scouting combine and moonlighting as team manager for brother-in-law Tom Crean's Hoosiers, via Larry Brown Sports. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

There's Linsanity In The Garden After Jeremy Lin's Steal-And-Dunk
The Knicks came back from a 12-point deficit with the help of this Jeremy Lin steal-and dunk, capping a 9-0 New York run. [ABC]...

Teabagger Brian Downing's Lawyers: The Murder Rate Is Too Damn High To Worry About Teabagging
Brian Downing, the alleged Alabama teabagger, has, since surrendering a week ago, found himself some lawyers. And those lawyers—Michael Kennedy and Miles Swanson—have found Deadspin's email addresses. Their words, on the sexual battery charges in New Orleans:...

Ricardo Clark's 97th-Minute Goal Gave The U.S. Their First Win Over A South American Team In Five Years
A 13-match winless streak against South American squads came to an end tonight when Ricardo Clark finally found net in the final moments of stoppage time of the United States' friendly against Venezuela....

Brian Downing From Ohio Wants You All To Know He's Not Alabama Teabagger Brian Downing
This email just arrived in the Deadspin inbox:...

No, The Alabama Teabagger Did Not Fly To The BCS Title Game On His Cousin The Sheriff's Private Jet. (What?)
Here's a fun detail about Russell County Sheriff Heath Taylor, second cousin of Alabama teabagger Brian Downing, whose famous nuts Taylor helped deliver into the law's hands: "Sheriff Taylor says he was at the BCS Championship game but did not know his cousin was there. The Sheriff goes on to say th...

The Alabama Teabagger Has A Mugshot
Brian Downing, the man who is accused of "pressing his testicles on the neck of an unconscious LSU fan," as the Times-Picuyane puts it, turned himself in to police last night and has been booked on one count of sexual battery and one count of obscenity. Here's his endearing mugshot....