team Page 69 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
![A Stoppage-Time El Salvador Goal Brought An End To The Olympic Dreams Of U.S. Men's Soccer [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
A Stoppage-Time El Salvador Goal Brought An End To The Olympic Dreams Of U.S. Men's Soccer [UPDATE]
The United States will not field a men's soccer team at the London Olympics after this stoppage-time goal by El Salvador's Jaime Enrique Alas forced a 3-3 draw in the CONCACAF U-23 qualifying tournament....

A TV Camera Caught A Woman Either Scratching Or Fondling Herself After Sunday's Pistons-Clippers Game
Here's a little something that may or may not be eligible for our C-Roll stash, and it comes to us from those intrepid sleaze merchants over at Busted Coverage. Keep your eye on the woman in red in the video above, which was recorded just after Sunday's Pistons-Clippers game. I'm not sure who narr...

Hot On The Trail Of Twitter's DadBoner, The Internet's Greatest Mystery
Bold flavors. Power moves. Chest beefers. A thousand beers, you guys. If any of those references are familiar to you, then you're probably one of the over 52,000 people who follow the DadBoner Twitter feed, which is probably the best Twitter feed ever written by an imaginary middle-aged Michigan man...

The U.S. Beat Italy For The First Time Ever Thanks To This Clint Dempsey Goal
With Landon Donovan unfit to take the pitch, the U.S. wasn't given much chance to beat Italy in today's international friendly match in Genoa. But Clint Dempsey—scoring machine for Fulham of late—drew first blood for the Yanks off a timely pass from Jozy Altidore. It was the first non-penalty sco...

Hurry Up, Harbaugh. That Water Isn't Going To Pour Itself.
Your morning roundup for Feb. 23. Photo of Jim Harbaugh, in Indiana for the NFL scouting combine and moonlighting as team manager for brother-in-law Tom Crean's Hoosiers, via Larry Brown Sports. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Ricardo Clark's 97th-Minute Goal Gave The U.S. Their First Win Over A South American Team In Five Years
A 13-match winless streak against South American squads came to an end tonight when Ricardo Clark finally found net in the final moments of stoppage time of the United States' friendly against Venezuela....
![Is This The Alabama Teabagger? [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18j4nf25ax1bojpg.jpg)
Is This The Alabama Teabagger? [UPDATE]
A tipster told us the other day that the assailant in the Krystal teabagging incident—a "sexual battery," as far as New Orleans police are concerned—was a man named Brian Downing from Phenix City, Ala. We think we've found him. ...

I-Team: Who Is The Mystery Man Allegedly Meddling With Scorecards At The Amir Khan Fight? (UPDATED)
The Amir Khan-Lamont Peterson fight in DC last month ended with a surprising and narrow split decision win for the underdog Peterson in front of his hometown crowd. Khan is a budding superstar. Peterson is a solid fighter. He could have pulled off an upset, but he didn't, not according to our boxi...

I-Team: Why Does New Penn State Coach Bill O'Brien Have A Hole In His Chin?
New England Patriots offensive coordinator Bill O'Brien agreed last night to take the head coaching job at Penn State. O'Brien, like Joe Paterno, graduated from Brown and has since coached at Georgia Tech, Maryland, and Duke. He's never before had a head coaching job and ran the Patriots' offense fo...

We've Identified Jilted Packergirl
Thanks to a tipster whose identity we'll keep secret for his/her own sake, we know the young lady featured in this morning's Wake Up Deadspin is named Annie Wagner (we also heard the cheating ex-boyfriend is a real "douchewibbler"). Here's Annie's Facebook....

Green Bay Packers Fan Exacts Phenomenal Revenge On Ex-Boyfriend
Your morning roundup for Dec. 26, the day we learned what a Christmas miracle really is. Photo via Mocksession. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Gather 'Round, Grove, Draper and Ronjohn: The Lacrosse All-Name Team Is Here
What makes a great lacrosse name? There must be a whiff of old money and non-rhotic lockjaw, but it's more than that. In the spirit of Potter Stewart's test for obscenity ("I know it when I see it") and Katie Baker's beloved lacrosse family the Stanwicks (Sheehan, Wick, Coco, Tad, Steele, Wells and ...

I-Team: Tell Us About This Adult Hockey League Poop Fight
Just 45 seconds into a New England Senior Hockey League game in Hingham, Mass., on Friday, December 2nd, Rogue Squadron defenseman Zung Nguyen was penalized for unsportsmanlike conduct and given a game misconduct. Nguyen's player profile page sheds more light:...

Does The NFL Really Want A Team In Los Angeles?
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....

Two Members Of An Extremist Right-Wing English Group Occupied The Roof Of FIFA Headquarters Today
Security must not be very tight at FIFA headquarters in Zurich because two members of the notorious right-wing English Defence League took to the roof of Sepp Blatter's palace to protest FIFA's recent and—it must be acknowledged—very stupid decision to prevent English players from wearing embroidere...

Deadspin I-Team: Is The "Boom Goes The Dynamite" Guy Joining The Army?
His name is Brian Collins. He is the unfortunate soul above that we have come to know and love. First, he was a student sportscaster at Ball State University. Then, he worked at a television station in Waco, Texas, and eventually Alexandria, Minnesota. We thought the last chapter in his story was ...

Mesut Özil Unleashes A Wicked Goal Against Belgium
Germany beat Belgium 3-1 today in Euro 2012 qualifiers. The first goal came from distance off the enchanted left foot of attacking midfielder Mesut Özil. In the replay, you may see a Belgian defender silently give thanks for being a flagpole too far to the right to block the shot....

Crazed Australian Rugby Fan Advocates For Pedophile Wallabies, Nazi Kiwis, And In-Game Snipers
On Sunday, Australia meets South Africa in the Rugby World Cup quarterfinals. The pundits are nattering aplenty. Perhaps the least conventional viewpoint is the one expressed above: that the Aussie team needs to "harden the fuck up" and get a "bit of mongrel back in the game" by adding snipers to ...

Michael Vick Says The Dream Team Is Over
The Philadelphia Eagles are 1-3, which means they're two games behind the Giants and Redskins for the lead in the NFC East. They lost to the 49ers at home, which means they suck....

How The Ireland Rugby Team Subverts Rugby
After the Irish rugby team beat Australia last week at the Rugby World Cup, members of the Irish diaspora in Australia and New Zealand went deeply into their cups and an inborn sentimentality for all things green and peaty. The rest of the world, meanwhile, sat around wondering how the Irish ever de...