ted Page 198 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Josef Martínez's Hideous Penalty Kick Run-Up Ends In Humiliation
The reward for Josef Martínez’s frankly insane penalty kick routine is an unreadable technique that makes it easy to best keepers from the spot, as evidenced by the Atlanta United forward’s 14-for-16 penalty record in MLS. The risk is that it makes him look like a huge weirdo and sets him up for rid...
Europa League Qualifying, Of All Places, Has Given Us The Goal Of The Summer
While most of the soccer happening right now is friendlies, MLS, and the African Cup of Nations (the final of which takes place later today), the beginning of the long marathon towards the Europa League group stages is in full swing. And already, Hamed Koné, an Ivorian striker who just joined Maltes...
Josef Martínez Dribbled Two Houston Dynamo Players Into An Early Grave
Josef Martínez is Atlanta United’s do-everything striker, was the best player in MLS last year, and has been the hottest player in the league over the last two months. The 26-year-old Venezuelan has scored 11 goals in his last seven games, including two against the Houston Dynamo on Wednesday night ...
<i>Sports Illustrated</i> Washes Manny Pacquiao's Balls; Manny Pacquiao Says, "Thank You"
Today Sports Illustrated published a story about how Manny Pacquiao, boxer and sitting Phillippine senator who said gay people are worse than animals and that drug dealers should be killed, is a wise man who just loves boxing. It was very well received by Manny Pacquiao. ...
Minnesota United FC Scored A Game-Winning Goal And Saved A Penalty All In Stoppage Time
For the first 90 minutes of Minnesota United FC’s game against FC Dallas, pretty much nothing happened and the score was tied 0-0. But, as those in attendance at Allianz Field soon found out, that unremarkable hour and a half was anything but a precursor of things to come. ...
Manchester United Travel Halfway Around The World And Still Can't Escape Liverpool Fans' Trolling
If you had to point at a single day that represents the absolute nadir of being a 21st-Century Manchester United fan, you could make a strong case that today, July 11, 2019, is that day. The team itself is a joke. Their best player desperately wants out. Both the Red Devils’ biggest rivals are in pe...
CONCACAF's New World Cup Qualifying Format Is Bigger (And Dumber) Than Ever
CONCACAF’s convoluted World Cup qualifying format has always been tilted in favor the big boys at the expense of the teams in the confederation’s bottom tier, making it so the dozens of small nations had essentially no hope of ever playing in the World Cup. It’s understandable why CONCACAF sought to...
Rose Lavelle Dribbled Her Way Into World Cup Immortality
One name stood out for its relative obscurity on the projected starting lineup for the USWNT before the Women’s World Cup began. There were the names everyone knows, the ones that belong to some of the greatest players in U.S. soccer history, but hidden behind the Rapinoes and Morgans and Heaths, an...
The USWNT Is Too Good To Play Like Cowards
Perhaps lost in the shuffle of the USWNT rolling England up into a little ball and kicking them all the way into the third-place match was a late-game tactical shift that was as confounding as it was ill-advised. For the second straight game, the best team in the world protected a slim lead with Mou...
Down A Hole: When Mike Piazza Told Everyone He Wasn't Gay
I don’t remember where I was going or why I was going there, but given the neighborhood I was in and when in my life I was there, I was almost certainly going to a bar. It was raining, and as I hustled down a street that was briefly in that golden New York state of being both smelly and shiny, I saw...
And Now, A Washington Wizards Update: Hell
If you lost track of the Washington Wizards amid all Sunday’s wild NBA free-agency news, that’s fine, and reasonable. It speaks well of you, all things considered. A solid double-fistful of the league’s big stars switched teams over the weekend, and none of them came to or left the Wizards—but the W...
Old Man Wayne Rooney Scores A Goal From A Million Billion Miles Away
Wayne Rooney has done some cool stuff with D.C. United, in Major League Soccer. He did a lovely free kick goal. He virtually single-handedly dragged the United to the MLS playoffs. An insane two-way highlight from last August was rightly hailed as maybe the best MLS highlight ever. I hereby submit ...
The USWNT-France Clash Is The Real World Cup Final
Months of pre-tournament preparation, weeks of controversy and VAR and stress, days of hand-wringing—they’ve all led us here. Since the Women’s World Cup draw back in December, the United States and France, the two best teams in the world, have been on a collision course that unfortunately all but g...
Let's Remember Some Guys: They Enlarged Greg Minton's Teeth
There is something about a mustache that disorients a person. It is a grooming decision first and foremost, but also and in a broader sense it is a choice. Growing a bunch of hair on your upper lip and then getting like marinara sauce and old bits of cake in it is, at bottom, a decision that you mak...
Wizards Wish To Make It Known They Have No Interest In Hiring A Competent General Manager
The woebegone Washington Wizards fired longtime president of basketball operations and architect of 15 years of fan frustration Ernie Grunfeld back on April 2, one week before the end of their rotten 2018–19 season. Firing a front office honcho before the end of the season would usually give a team ...
<i>Sports Illustrated</i>'s Media Operations Pawned Off To Unproven Start-Up Helmed By Longtime Media Creeps
Control of Sports Illustrated’s media operations has changed hands once again, just three weeks after the now former SI owner Meredith Corp sold the magazine’s name and licensing rights to Authentic Brands Group. Per a press release posted by Meredith and sent out to SI staffers, Sports Illustrated’...
A Pissed Off Carli Lloyd Is (Still) The USWNT's Most Destructive Force
Forget the celebrations for a second. Sure, Carli Lloyd’s golf clap was a perfect response to last week’s anti-USWNT backlash, but it’s really the footnote from Sunday’s comprehensive 3-0 drubbing of Chile, particularly as it pertains to the United States’ chances of becoming the second team in Wome...
Chile's Christiane Endler Became A Goal-Stopping Machine And Frustrated The USWNT Into A Goalless Second Half
Given the low expectations for Chile entering this tournament, and the eerily similar halftime score, it seemed like the USWNT was on pace to thrash yet another opponent in the group stages of the women’s World Cup. But, as outlined in Lauren Theisen’s tournament preview, the major difference betwee...
Carli Lloyd Responds To Stupid Celebration Controversy With Polite Golf Clap After Scoring An Absolute Screamer
In the USWNT’s first game since dealing with the stupid controversy over how they celebrated the goals in their 13-0 rout over Thailand, the question on everyone’s mind was how the team would celebrate when they inevitably scored against an outmatched Chilean squad. That question was answered just 1...
Megan Rapinoe Refuses To Apologize For The USWNT's Crime Of Being Happy After Doing Cool Things
The United States beat Thailand by a 13-0 scoreline on Tuesday, setting a new World Cup record for the largest margin of victory. In the process of making history, the USWNT players were pretty happy. Clearly, as certain moral pillars on Canadian and even American TV pointed out, this was a very bad...