ted Page 220 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
![Defensive Lineman Crashes Out Of NFL Combine 40-Yard Dash Due To Dick Falling Out Of Shorts [NSFW]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Defensive Lineman Crashes Out Of NFL Combine 40-Yard Dash Due To Dick Falling Out Of Shorts [NSFW]
Mississippi State defensive lineman Chris Jones had trouble staying upright as he finished his 40 attempt today at the NFL combine, and replays revealed why: his genitals came flying out of his shorts while trying to beat five seconds....

Dutch Guy Chips Like Four Dudes To Score World-Class Goal
Look at all the dang dudes our friend Jonhatan Opoku chips here. I’m gonna lump the keeper and that last hapless center back in as a pair, making four....

Defender Admits Manchester United's Memphis Depay Beat His Ass So Bad He Almost Cried
While virtually unknown striker Marcus Rashford’s unbelievable and hilarious two-goal senior team debut was the biggest story coming out of yesterday’s Manchester United-Midtjylland match, the true star on the day was Memphis Depay. He absolutely obliterated the Midtjylland defense, running up and d...
![Right Now, Manchester United Must Rely On Some Unknown Teen To Save Their Season [Update: HE'S FUCKING DOING IT]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/ysq02t1fnmv0ryalypvi.jpg)
Right Now, Manchester United Must Rely On Some Unknown Teen To Save Their Season [Update: HE'S FUCKING DOING IT]
In their usually fruitless quest to prove they can still compete with the truly elite clubs in world soccer, Manchester United have apparently decided to challenge Bayern Munich for the title of World’s Most Injured Squad. Just a little while ago, the one bright spot during this season of frustratio...

Nate Diaz Accuses Conor McGregor Of Steroid Use At Impressively Ludicrous Press Conference
It’s late February and not much is going on in sports, so the press conference the UFC held today to promote Conor McGregor’s upcoming fight against Nate Diaz was the most entertaining happening of the day largely by default. Even so, it was really something, every bit as dumb as could be hoped....

Louis van Gaal Urges His Players To Get Rock Hard For Victory
So that’s what Louis van Gaal means when he says he pumps up Manchester United’s players before matches....

Kyrie Irving Says He Got Bed Bugs At A Supposedly Haunted Oklahoma City Hotel
In the course of beating the Oklahoma City Thunder last night, the Cleveland Cavaliers stayed at the Skirvin Hilton, a hotel supposedly haunted by a maid who committed suicide decades ago. But the slamming doors and bathtubs mysteriously filled with water that have plagued other NBA teams were the l...

The Manchester United Backroom Power Struggle Theory We Desperately Hope Is True
There’s simply never enough intrigue and entertainment to be had from Manchester United to fully sate our appetite. Either they’re crushing all opponents at home and abroad, as they did during Alex Ferguson’s tenure, or they’re shitting all over themselves, the way they have in the few years since S...

Manchester United Are Toast
With a third of the Premier League season left, Manchester United find themselves in fifth place, six points behind Manchester City and the all-important fourth Champions League spot. It’s not impossible for United to pass City, but given their inconsistency this season it’s unlikely....

Dog Attends <i>Sports Illustrated </i>Swimsuit Fan Fest
The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is out, and while it surely offers 34 revolutionary new angles from which to display underboob, the more interesting development took place at the Fan Fest held in Manhattan today. To be specific, someone noteworthy showed up at the Fan Fest....

USWNT Players Association Files Withering Response To U.S. Soccer Lawsuit
U.S. Soccer’s lawsuit against the U.S. Women’s National Team Players Association seeks to answer a seemingly simple question: Do the two organizations have a valid collective bargaining agreement, or not?...
![Chelsea's Kurt Zouma Stretchered Off After Nasty Knee Injury [Warning: Graphic]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Chelsea's Kurt Zouma Stretchered Off After Nasty Knee Injury [Warning: Graphic]
Chelsea center back Kurt Zouma went down in a heap after going up for this header and coming down with knee bent the wrong way. He immediately (and audibly) began screaming, and was stretchered off the pitch. ...

Anthony Martial Is Manchester United's Best Player, And That's Their Problem
Judging by the club’s post-Alex Ferguson travails, it would’ve been perfectly fitting if Anthony Martial—Manchester United’s last-minute solution to their attacking woes, who cost the club about two arms and four legs—would’ve turned out to be a bust....

U.S. Women's National Team Sued By U.S. Soccer Federation
The United States Soccer Federation sued the union representing Women’s National Team members in federal court Wednesday, an action sure to further fray the already strained bond between the two groups....

University Of California Admits Fault In Death Of Football Player Ted Agu
Ted Agu was like many Berkeley students, in that he wanted to go to medical school after graduating. But Agu was also a walk on defensive lineman for the football team. After a team offseason workout on the morning of February 7, 2014, he collapsed with breathing trouble. Agu was taken to the Alta B...

Chris Martin's Masterful Assist Sets Up Equalizer For Derby County
Manchester United is even 1-1 with Championship side Derby County at the half of their FA Cup match after George Thorne found the net courtesy a gorgeous over-the-top pass from Chris Martin....

The National League Isn't Getting The DH For A While
Hold on to your batting helmets: what looked like a surge in momentum for the National League to adopt the designated hitter, perhaps even as soon as 2017, turned out to be a little premature. MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred said yesterday that everyone got a little too excited, and that NL pitchers wi...

Report: Mike McCarthy Fed Up With Packers Management Refusing To Sign Free Agents
The Packers are notoriously skittish about signing free agents. They have signed a few big names over the years—Julius Peppers, Desmond Howard, Charles Woodson—but in general, they are committed to building through the draft. This is a great policy when it works (you’ll always have a cohesive, well-...

Oh, Hello
This morning, your Premiership highlights are brought to you by horrified woman in the background....
