tex Page 87 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Do Not Make C.J. Wilson Your ESPY Wingman
Texas Rangers reliever C.J. Wilson was at the ESPYs for some reason, but since he wasn't nominated for anything (one would assume) he decided to spend the evening busting horny dudes with his Twitter—including a certain noted sportscaster-lothario....
Let's Get This Over With Early: Joakim Noah Smokes Weed, Anonymous, Possibly Fake Text Messager Says
"smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands" [Texts From Last Night] (PHOTO: Not From Last Night)...
Longhorn Linebacker Blitzes Woman's Bedroom With His Car
All-Big 12 linebacker Sergio Kindle drove his car into an apartment building last week, and lacking any other options, left the car behind, ran home and went to bed....
Pistol-Wielding Old Man Would Like To Play Through
It is super annoying when you're out on the golf course and the group in front of you is playing very slowly, but I was not aware that I had a "moral obligation to destroy" these duffers with hollow-point bullets....
This Awful Woman Jinxed Them
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Owen Daniels Uses Facebook To Negotiate New Contract With Texans
Owen Daniels, Houston Texans tight end and perennial fantasy sleeper, has taken his dissatisfaction with his current contract public to both friends and strangers across America on his Facebook page....
High School Track Star Wins Team Championship By Herself
Bonnie Richardson isn't just on the high school track team, she is the track team. And even though she has no teammates, she somehow won the Texas Class A state championship by herself. For the second straight year....
Travel Tip #14: Never Take A Road Trip With Mack Brown
Texas' Mack Brown was one of the D-I coaches bunking up on that gladhanding Middle East tour this week, and he was kind enough to keep an online diary so everyone could know how godawful it is live over there....
Relive The Majesty And Terror Of "Ten-Cent Beer Night"
Today, June 4, is the 35th anniversary of the drunkest night in sports history—Ten-Cent Beer Night at Municipal Stadium in Cleveland. What better way to celebrate than getting absolutely blitzed on some cheap Stroh's?...
Vicente Padilla Is Good At Making People, Androids Angry
Mark Teixeira after his double-plunk from Padilla: "Unfortunately, that guy has been doing it his whole career. Every time I've faced him since there seems to be balls near my head, near my body, and today I got hit twice. There's really no reason for it." [DMN]...
I Wonder What Kind Of Clever Anti-Kobe Shirts Orlando Has In Store?
Probably nothing as incendiary as the "Our Turn To Rape Kobe" t-shirt worn by this female Nuggets fan, but I hope for the best. Although it's probably highly unlikely if any Magic fans share the diminutive right brain size of Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi....
It Only Took 25 Innings...
But the University Of Texas beat Boston College with a one-out single to secure a 3-2 victory. It was the longest NCAA baseball game in history. Other records of note: Texas reliever Austin Wood pitched 12 1/3 innings of no-hit ball; two Longhorns had a record-tying 12 at-bats." [MLB.com]...
If You're Reading This Post, You Now Have Swine Flu
The state of Texas is postponing all of its high school sports activities (plus some nerdy stuff) in order to keep their filthy population from spreading the deadly pork-based flu virus. You may commence panicking....
Football Coach Bans Student Reporters, Takes Gratuitous Shot At Soccer (Update)
Angered over a recent editorial in the school paper, the head football coach at Wisconsin-Whitewater has denied student reporters any access to his team this coming fall....
Umpire Kerwin Danley May Need Stronger Head Gear
Kerwin Danley was carted off the field last night after getting hit in the head with a broken bat—almost a year to the day since he was plunked in face by a Brad Penny fastball....
If Someone Hit For The Cycle And Nobody Saw It, Did It Make A Sound?
Only 17,539 were on hand in Arlington Stadium to witness Ian Kinsler become the fourth Texas Ranger to hit for the cycle in a 19-6 win over the Orioles. [NBCSports]...
Tom Hicks Is Out Of Money
The Texas Rangers/Dallas Stars/Liverpool Kicking Guys owner has defaulted on about $500 million worth of loans and will probably have to sell his precious toys. But he was always so frugal and wise! [Dallas Observer]...
This Week On A Very Special 'Friday Night Lights' ...
So you've quit the high school football team, and now you want to come back. OK, well, this being Texas, you'll need to drop your pants for a rather brutal paddlin'....
'Good Season, Girls; Here Are Some Photos Of My Junk'
It's getting so that you can't swing a dead possum around here without hitting another story about a coach or player texting something naughty. Today: Volleyball coaches gone bad....
NCAA Tournament - Round Two, Evening Games
What to watch while planning your family vacation to beautiful downtown Baghdad......