the Page 517 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Ancient War Goblin Henry Kissinger Defends Olympics In <i>Los Angeles Times</i>
Every global-scale sporting event exists in a strange standoff with itself. On one side is the inevitable bloat and graft and soul-deep cynicism that animates every such event—the neighborhoods flattened or surveilled or otherwise punished for sitting where a stadium is supposed to be, the bribery a...
Behold The Destructive Force Of An F5 Poop Tornado
Last Thursday, a “sewer blockage” in the town of Melrose, Massachusetts, had city workers scrambling to restore flow across the town’s entire system. The blockage was eventually cleared, but not before it created what one affected resident described as a “tornado of poop” in her bathroom, after raw ...
Joey Votto Treats Heckler With The Appropriate Level Of Respect
By now, hecklers should know better than to mess with Reds first baseman Joey Votto. There are enough documented instances of him clowning opposing fans (and Cincinnati’s own) that the best strategy is to just let him be. One Angels fan at Tuesday night’s game chose not to do that, and although it’s...
Tommy La Stella's Blessed Season Continues With Leadoff Inside-The-Park Dinger
It is now late June, which means if you can’t at least feign excitement about a leadoff inside-the-park home run in an interleague baseball game, you are staring down a summer of relatively slim pickings, VAR-marred World Cup soccer notwithstanding. Please, before you reduce yourself to hunting for ...
An Unlucky Handball Sends Japan Out Of The World Cup
An exhilarating World Cup round of 16 rematch between the Netherlands and Japan got decided in favor of the Dutch in the 90th minute, thanks to a penalty kick converted by forward Lieke Martens. The PK gave the Dutch a 2-1 win over the same team that kicked them out of the 2015 World Cup, and it put...
Public Service Announcement: Please Stop Interrupting Dodgers Games To Hug Cody Bellinger
In the bottom of the eighth inning Monday night in Arizona, a young woman ran from the stands and into right field, where she appeared to awkwardly hug Dodgers superstar Cody Bellinger. Needless to say, this ended with the young woman being arrested....
Luka Dončić, True To Form, Dominates Rookie Of The Year Voting
Dallas Mavericks sensation Luka Dončić won Rookie of the Year honors Monday night at the annual NBA Awards, inexplicably broadcast live on TNT, which presumably ran out of rerun episodes of Bones with which to fill their primetime schedule....
How Much Money Would It Take For You To Give Cam Newton Your Seat On A Flight?
This weekend, Carolina Panthers QB Cam Newton was filmed as he tried and failed to negotiate with a fellow traveler for a more comfortable seat on a flight from Paris to the United States. The 6-foot-5 NFL player had no choice but to go back to his standard, uncomfortable seat....
The Real Legacy Of The Legendary Kurt Angle Vs. Shane McMahon Match Is WWE Doing Whatever It Wants
On Sunday, fans found that WWE Network’s streaming service had chosen to devote the sixth entry in the WWE Untold series to a match that’s legendary for none of the right reasons. It’s hard to know why the promotion chose to make a documentary about the infamously and gratuitously brutal and violent...
Phil Regan, Who Is 82 Years Old, Is Your New Mets Pitching Coach
Any Major League Baseball franchise setting out to hire a pitching coach over 80 years of age would do well to get Phil Regan. He has had a distinguished and improbably eventful life in baseball, and a very long one. Regan’s first big-league manager, in 1960, was Jimmy Dykes, another lifer who made...
Celtics Draft Outspoken Round-Earther, Move One Step Closer To Post-Kyrie Irving Future
The Boston Celtics used the 22nd pick in the first round of Thursday night’s NBA draft to select first-team All-American Grant Williams from Tennessee. Williams is a skilled, undersized forward and the son of a NASA safety engineer. I mention his parentage because being privy to mom’s insider knowle...
Matt Nagy Needs To Get Over The Double-Doink
Remembering past failures can be useful as motivation, but at this point Bears head coach Matt Nagy needs to move on, because it’s getting unhealthy. Ever since Chicago lost on a double-doink in the playoffs, Nagy’s made sure that his players remember how they lost on the flukiest of plays....
ESPN's Adrian Wojnarowski Is Now A Corporate Shill For An NBA Sponsor
Adrian Wojnarowski, ESPN’s most prolific and trusted NBA reporter, is now a brand bot for a company that is partnered with the league he is, in theory, supposed to be covering aggressively and adversarially. ...
Four Members Of One Texas Family Plead Guilty In Lucrative Masters Ticket Resale Scheme
Tickets to The Masters, held annually at Augusta National in Georgia, are notoriously difficult to come by, and prices on the secondary market are generally preposterous. Four members of one Texas family apparently seized on the arbitrage opportunities presented by this situation in order to make qu...
Lucas Giolito, Who Was The Worst Starter In Baseball, Is Now An Ace
It only feels like every strange or new thing that could happen in baseball has already happened. Lucas Giolito, who is currently pitching better than just about any starting pitcher in baseball a year after pitching worse than every other starting pitcher in baseball, is not remotely the first such...
The UFC's Pride Month Shirts Can't Hide How It Really Feels
Shortly following the start of Pride Month in June, the UFC joined in the grand tradition of brands glomming onto the LGBTQ+ rights movement in order to enhance their profiles:...
Nigeria Got Screwed Over By Some Ticky-Tack VAR Bullshit
Nigeria were not eliminated from the World Cup on Monday afternoon, but their hopes of advancing to the knockout stages took a hit when, after a pair of VAR reviews, Wendie Renard knocked home a PK in the 79th minute to break a scoreless draw and give France a 1-0 win....
<i>Sports Illustrated</i>'s Media Operations Pawned Off To Unproven Start-Up Helmed By Longtime Media Creeps
Control of Sports Illustrated’s media operations has changed hands once again, just three weeks after the now former SI owner Meredith Corp sold the magazine’s name and licensing rights to Authentic Brands Group. Per a press release posted by Meredith and sent out to SI staffers, Sports Illustrated’...
FOX U.S. Open Coverage Takes Time Out To Glorify How Fucked Up Carmel Is
Yesterday Gary Woodland and his MAGA-friendly spikes held off golfing Terminator Brooks Koepka and won the U.S. Open. It was a classic example of a formerly unknown player revealing himself as a bloodless, stress-proof killer over the course and spending four days fending off all comers for a first ...
Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: <i>The Garfield Show</i>
A look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours. Image by Jim Cooke....