the Page 519 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
<i>Sports Illustrated</i> Bosses Insist To Staff That Being Sold To Necrophilic Brand Enthusiasts Is Good
For 65 years, Sports Illustrated has persisted in narrowly covering sports, neglecting those who would like to, say, have their prostates examined in SI-branded medical clinics by doctors wearing SI-branded lab coats, or drape themselves in SI-branded bikinis, or eat an SI-branded hot dog at their k...
Lakers GM Rob Pelinka Apparently Made Up A Bizarre Story About Kobe Bryant And Heath Ledger
I know we already wrote about ESPN’s delightfully detailed account of the Lakers’ deep-seated institutional rot, but this phony story GM Rob Pelinka invented about Kobe Bryant and Heath Ledger is too good not to call specific attention to....
AEW's Double Or Nothing Delivered As Both A Mission Statement And A Wrestling Show
LAS VEGAS — All Elite Wrestling’s inaugural event on Saturday night at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas gave fans a lot to digest, but more importantly it delivered a well-balanced and suitably fulfilling feast. What was supposed to be a taste of what’s to come from AEW, both in the ring and ...
The NCAA Graciously Allows Kansas' Silvio De Sousa To Return For Another Unpaid Season Of Basketball
Kansas forward Silvio De Sousa will not have to sit out for a second consecutive season as the NCAA announced Friday that his appeal against the association was approved. The decision came just hours after the Jayhawks officially appealed the NCAA’s two-season suspension on Friday, almost as if the ...
Engineer Unwittingly Trips Balls On LSD From The '60s While Repairing Iconic Synth
Here is a delightful story about psychedelics to ease you into the long weekend. ...
Let's Remember Some Guys: The Large Men Of Fleer
There are ways in which the basketball currently being played in the NBA is an evolved version of the basketball played there a decade or so ago. It really is more open in a bunch of ways, for instance, and as a result there are new possibilities in each game that simply would not have fit in the NB...
How The Milwaukee Bucks And A Former Wedding DJ Won The T-Shirt Cannon Arms Race
There’s an arms race of sorts now taking place in sports arenas. Hence, the Quad....
The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Cow's Long-Range Turd Hitting Its Mark
This dairy farmer knew that the cow needed to crap. You can see his hesitation as he stopped working and stood back so it could let loose. But Bessie saved him a little extra in the chamber....
Pope Thrower Is The 2019 Name Of The Year
There was 1:09 left on the clock when Eli Manning, under pressure from the New England Patriots defense, hurled the football downfield. The three-time world champion Patriots, up 14-10 at the time, were defending a perfect run through the regular season and postseason. At that point, only the 1972 M...
Not Surprisingly, It's Bad News When The Words "Orioles" And "Dingers" And "Record" Appear In The Same Sentence
Home runs are up across baseball. The woeful Baltimore Orioles will not be the only team whose pitchers give up what in previous eras would’ve been considered nauseating dinger totals. Still, statistics like this, courtesy of Eddie Matz of ESPN, continue to be appalling, at least in part for how suc...
Trail Blazers In Petty Feud With Local Publication Over Powerfully Inane Blog Post
If, or more realistically, when the Portland Trail Blazers are eliminated, it will mark the end of the deepest playoff run for the franchise in almost 20 years. They should be focusing on this triumph, and what it portends for the future. Instead, the organization is picking a petty fight with a lo...
Nick Kyrgios Says He's "Fucking Done" During Tantrum, And It's Hard Not To Believe Him
Of all Nick Kyrgios’s many many many many tantrums, the one he unleashed today at the Italian Open was his most over-the-top display yet. On the heels of a brutally honest interview with tennis writer Ben Rothenberg, in which Kyrgios admitted winning tennis matches doesn’t make him happy, that he do...
Idiot On The Field Runs Himself Into A Corner, Gets Leveled
If you are going to run onto a major league baseball field in the middle of a game, there are two keys to survival. The first is to always keep moving, and the second is to have an exit strategy. The fan who invaded the field at last night’s Braves game followed the first rule, but failed miserably ...
If John Beilein Is Such A Good Person, Why Was He A College Basketball Coach?
Longtime Michigan men’s basketball coach John Beilein announced yesterday that he’s leaving the university to take over as coach of the Cleveland Cavaliers. It’s a move plenty of other college coaches have made before, but the departure of Beilein—reportedly beloved, supposedly clean, and, at 66, d...
Umpires Delay Game To Review Reliever's Motion, Greatly Confuse Dee Gordon
Most relief pitchers good enough to last eight seasons in the Major Leagues will have careers that look roughly as bizarre as Cory Gearrin’s. Some of those relievers are closers or setup aces or multi-inning firemen types, and they’ll have a more linear lot and make more money, but for the ones livi...
What Are The Degrees Of Raining?
Today, we’re talking about J.R.R. Tolkien, OK symbols, plastic knives, beer cans, and more....
The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Masterpiece Of Humiliation
In a few short seconds, the kid defending the hoop in this clip learned a few important lessons about basketball. If you’re going to jump, really jump; if your opponent is palming the ball on you with a full head of steam, know they are trying to expose you; and finally, make sure to be aware of you...
Pope Thrower Vs. Jizyah Shorts Is The Name Of The Year Final
Well, we can’t say we’re surprised....
Matthew Boling's 100-Meter National Record Wasn't Even His Most Stunning Performance
Texas superstar sprinter Matthew Boling of Houston Strake Jesuit has spent the final month of his high school career shattering records. In late April, Boling became the first-ever high schooler to break 10 seconds in the 100-meter dash, dropping a 9.98. His dominant performance, however, was aided ...