the Page 522 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Cow's Long-Range Turd Hitting Its Mark

This dairy farmer knew that the cow needed to crap. You can see his hesitation as he stopped working and stood back so it could let loose. But Bessie saved him a little extra in the chamber....

Pope Thrower Is The 2019 Name Of The Year

There was 1:09 left on the clock when Eli Manning, under pressure from the New England Patriots defense, hurled the football downfield. The three-time world champion Patriots, up 14-10 at the time, were defending a perfect run through the regular season and postseason. At that point, only the 1972 M...

Not Surprisingly, It's Bad News When The Words "Orioles" And "Dingers" And "Record" Appear In The Same Sentence

Home runs are up across baseball. The woeful Baltimore Orioles will not be the only team whose pitchers give up what in previous eras would’ve been considered nauseating dinger totals. Still, statistics like this, courtesy of Eddie Matz of ESPN, continue to be appalling, at least in part for how suc...

Trail Blazers In Petty Feud With Local Publication Over Powerfully Inane Blog Post

If, or more realistically, when the Portland Trail Blazers are eliminated, it will mark the end of the deepest playoff run for the franchise in almost 20 years. They should be focusing on this triumph, and what it portends for the future. Instead, the organization is picking a petty fight with a lo...

"I Just Like The Duck"

Nick Kyrgios Says He's "Fucking Done" During Tantrum, And It's Hard Not To Believe Him

Of all Nick Kyrgios’s many many many many tantrums, the one he unleashed today at the Italian Open was his most over-the-top display yet. On the heels of a brutally honest interview with tennis writer Ben Rothenberg, in which Kyrgios admitted winning tennis matches doesn’t make him happy, that he do...

Idiot On The Field Runs Himself Into A Corner, Gets Leveled

If you are going to run onto a major league baseball field in the middle of a game, there are two keys to survival. The first is to always keep moving, and the second is to have an exit strategy. The fan who invaded the field at last night’s Braves game followed the first rule, but failed miserably ...

If John Beilein Is Such A Good Person, Why Was He A College Basketball Coach?

Longtime Michigan men’s basketball coach John Beilein announced yesterday that he’s leaving the university to take over as coach of the Cleveland Cavaliers. It’s a move plenty of other college coaches have made before, but the departure of Beilein—reportedly beloved, supposedly clean, and, at 66, d...

Umpires Delay Game To Review Reliever's Motion, Greatly Confuse Dee Gordon

Most relief pitchers good enough to last eight seasons in the Major Leagues will have careers that look roughly as bizarre as Cory Gearrin’s. Some of those relievers are closers or setup aces or multi-inning firemen types, and they’ll have a more linear lot and make more money, but for the ones livi...

What Are The Degrees Of Raining?

Today, we’re talking about J.R.R. Tolkien, OK symbols, plastic knives, beer cans, and more....

The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Masterpiece Of Humiliation

In a few short seconds, the kid defending the hoop in this clip learned a few important lessons about basketball. If you’re going to jump, really jump; if your opponent is palming the ball on you with a full head of steam, know they are trying to expose you; and finally, make sure to be aware of you...

Pope Thrower Vs. Jizyah Shorts Is The Name Of The Year Final

Well, we can’t say we’re surprised....

Matthew Boling's 100-Meter National Record Wasn't Even His Most Stunning Performance

Texas superstar sprinter Matthew Boling of Houston Strake Jesuit has spent the final month of his high school career shattering records. In late April, Boling became the first-ever high schooler to break 10 seconds in the 100-meter dash, dropping a 9.98. His dominant performance, however, was aided ...

Go To The Movies In The Morning

Two of the better movie theater experiences I’ve had in the last few years were when I saw Hereditary in June 2018, and when I saw Avengers: Endgame in April. Hereditary was weird and terrifying and I loved it; Endgame was overlong and mostly bored me to death. What those theater-going experiences h...

Here's A Good Story About Donald Trump Cheating A Child At Golf [CORRECTION]

CORRECTION (May 10, 4:06 p.m. ET): Vox appended the following correction to its post this afternoon: “In an earlier version of this article, the interviewee mischaracterized the age of Ted Virtue’s son who played golf with Trump. All of Virtue’s sons are at least in their 20s, not child-age. We sinc...

Spider-Man Interrupts Basketball Game, Runs Around And Crashes Into People Like A Dork

The PBA Philippine Cup Finals are happening this week in Quezon City, Philippines, and Game 5 of the championship series between Magnolia and San Miguel was briefly interrupted by an uncoordinated man in a Spider-Man getup. ...

Jusuf Nurkic Wears T-Shirt With List Of Combatants Who Died In Bosnian War

Jusuf Nurkić, Portland’s excellent but injured big man, has been occasionally spotted supporting his team from the sideline during the playoffs. This support sometimes makes use of fashion. During the Blazers’ Game 6 win on Thursday, the big man wore a t-shirt with a list of 10 names. Here are those...

WWE Is Getting Back At The Revival for Wanting Out, And It Isn't Working

On this week’s edition of WWE’s flagship television program, Monday Night Raw, viewers were treated to a segment in which the tag team The Usos, theoretically the good guys, revealed that they had invented “Ucy Hot,” their own sweat-activated version of Icy Hot, and secretly deployed it to the trunk...

Thomas Ulsrud's Norwegian Team Is Disbanding After 12 Years Of Curling, 10 Years Of Outrageous Pants

The curling team with the pants. That’s all you have to say. The imagery is instant: four grown Scandinavian men and their provocative trousers. It’s quite an accomplishment, especially for a niche Olympic sport....

Donald Trump Would Now Like To Bring Back Policy For Service Academy Athletes That He Rescinded To Punish Obama

When Donald Trump’s administration decided in April of 2017 to overturn a rule that had allowed athletes from the service academies to defer their military commitment until after their professional sports careers were over, it wasn’t for any of the starchy reasons laid out in a memo from then-Secret...