the Page 523 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
MLB Presents A Championship Belt To The Team That Keeps Salaries Lowest In Arbitration
An agent mentioned The Belt to me once, and I thought he was joking. This is not me doing that thing where reporters try to downplay someone else’s scoop by letting you know they already knew a thing, even though they didn’t report it, which makes them completely useless. This is me trying to convey...
Reports: A $15 Candle, Purchased As A Prank, Is What Got Jordan Bell Suspended
The uncommonly complex saga of the one-game suspension of Warriors second-year center Jordan Bell took another twist Thursday. To recap: Bell was suspended from Wednesday’s game in Memphis because he reportedly charged a purchase at the team hotel to the bill of assistant coach Mike Brown. Initial r...
Australian Shopping Center Terrorized By A Pair Of Hellion Nine-Year-Olds
Two extremely, ah, feisty(?) nine-year-old girls went on an absolute fucking rampage at the Helensvale Shopping Centre in Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia yesterday. And by “absolute fucking rampage” I mean that they abused an old lady, spat on, punched, and kicked a security guard, and danced on a...
Who's Living In Whose Head Rent-Free Lately?
The phrase “living rent-free in your head” has lived rent-free in my head for some time. It feels symptomatic of the deep rot at the core of almost all human interaction online. These days it spews out of the mouths of the craven and the righteous, the world-famous and the anonymously online. Depre...
Holy Shit, The Mets Actually Paid Jacob deGrom
For an offseason defined by a glacial market, collusion-adjacent bad vibes, and the inexplicable unemployment of a number of useful big league free agents with opening day now in sight, the last week or so has been very busy. Instead of entering what is clearly a badly malfunctioning free agent mark...
Presenting The 2019 Name Of The Year Bracket
Last August, the NCAA unveiled the NET ranking, a comprehensive synthesis of numbers designed to supplant the much-derided RPI as the definitive metric for comparing the resumes of college basketball teams. Despite some early statistical noise, the NET’s wealth of data ultimately produced a bracket ...
Why Does WWE Honor The Ultimate Warrior?
Few relationships in professional wrestling’s history have been more bizarre than the long-running and extremely fraught one between The Ultimate Warrior and Vince McMahon and McMahon’s wrestling promotion. Over the course of decades, the relationship featured multiple splits and just as many lawsui...
Mike Francesa Makes Statement Regarding Outright Lies, Outrageous Misinformation
At 3:12 p.m. on Saturday, Mike Francesa was watching Wofford lose to Kentucky. We know this because he was analyzing the game as only the surly monarch of sports talk radio can—by burping some lordly and not especially insightful analysis onto his Twitter timeline....
Let's Remember Some March Madness Guys
It’s just simple arithmetic: There are going to be more Guys than there are actual Dudes in the NCAA Tournament. The Dudes will go on to make some money playing basketball, in the NBA or in Europe or in Asia or possibly in picaresque White Men Can’t Jump hoops-hustler scenarios. The Guys, who are go...
Iowa's Luka Garza Has Extremely Powerful Eyebrows
The portion of the nation that doesn’t pay attention to Big Ten basketball outside of March was introduced to the voluminous eyebrows of Iowa forward Luka Garza in today’s game against Cincinnati, and boy, are they glorious. You can’t coach brows like that....
UCLA Soccer Coach Resigns After Getting Caught In College Admissions Bribery Scandal
Several of the coaches and administrators who were swept up in the college admissions bribery scam had long left the posts where they did their dirty work. Others, like UCLA men’s soccer coach Jorge Salcedo, were still employed by the same schools right up until the very day the FBI blew up their sp...
Papa John's Hires New Papa: Shaq
If you’re a company whose business is making and selling pizza—really if you’re any kind of company, in any kind of business—it’s not beneficial to be most famous for your infamous erstwhile CEO. If you’re Papa John’s, and that CEO—an egotistical nightmare who just last month staged a coup to try an...
Tom Izzo Flips Out On Aaron Henry, Has To Be Held Back By Players
No. 2 seed Michigan State hasn’t looked great so far in their first tournament game against Bradley. The Spartans trailed at halftime, but were able to re-established some control over the game with a 10-0 run at the start of the second half. That positive stretch wasn’t good enough to save freshman...
The One Ingredient Missing From This Disgusting Hot Dog Is <i>Sports Illustrated</i>'s Integrity
Sports Illustrated may no longer be the revered repository for serious, well-composed, compelling sports writing and photography it once was during the glory days of yore, but that doesn’t mean the shop is no longer an innovator. Careful readers of the publication’s print and online offerings have i...
The City Got Too Big For Fran Dunphy And Phil Martelli
There was something appropriate about Fran Dunphy and Phil Martelli exiting the scene on the same day. Dunphy’s “retirement” as Temple’s head coach had been announced in advance; his final season with the Owls ended with last night’s First Four loss to Belmont. Hours earlier, Saint Joseph’s surpris...
All Anthony Davis Did Was Request A Trade
On Oct. 3, 1974, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, then the 27-year-old reigning MVP of the NBA and the biggest star the sport of basketball had ever seen, told the brass of the Milwaukee Bucks that he didn’t want to play for them anymore, and requested a trade. He had one year left on his contract and, as he re...
<i>LA Times</i> Columnist Throws Temper Tantrum When Confronted With Undisclosed Conflict Of Interest
Last night, after a big herb named Kevin Draper pointed out that a Los Angeles Times report about USC’s role in the college admissions cheating scandal was written by a USC professor and included no disclosure of this brazen conflict, the writer of the piece, former ESPN writer and current Los Angel...
UFC Fighter Leaves Post-Fight Interview To Fight Another Fighter Backstage
Jorge Masvidal showed out in Saturday’s fight against recent welterweight title challenger Darren Till in London, as he knocked out the Englishman with an overhand left in the second round. Masvidal apparently wasn’t content with smacking around just one fighter that night, because after the bout he...
Report: Former Yale Soccer Coach Named In College Bribery Scandal Pressured Players Into Writing His Papers For Grad School
Former Yale women’s soccer coach Rudy Meredith abused his position with the team to help privileged kids pretend that they were athletic recruits so as to make their admissions process into one of the more prestigious universities in the country that much easier. But it appears that his shadiness d...
Kratu The Avant-Garde Obstacle Course Dog Is The Athlete This Moment Requires
There is always a dog, of course, and the dog is doing some variety of dog things—using its fudgy tubular body in confounding ways; stumbling blindly but purposefully around a parking lot with a big ol’ box top obscuring his field of vision; pointing at a bunch of chickens with what seems sincere co...