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A Bullshit Penalty Let The Vikings Tie The Packers [Update]
The NFL’s absolutely terrible and impossible new definition of roughing the passer—which prohibits defensive players from landing on quarterbacks with their body weight—came into play during today’s Vikings-Packers game and directly affected the outcome. In what eventually became a 29-29 tie (don’t ...
It Is Brutally Hot In Jacksonville
The Jaguars’ home opener is a rematch of the AFC Championship, and the kickoff temperature for that one was a balmy 48 degrees. But that was at Foxboro. This is Jacksonville, a.k.a. Satan’s armpit, and temperature at kickoff is 97 degrees—with the humidity making it feel more like 107. It is the hot...
Damontae Kazee Ejected For Late Helmet-To-Helmet Hit On Cam Newton<em></em>
A 10-yard fourth-down scramble from Cam Newton led to a brutal head-to-head collision and an ejection for Falcons safety Damontae Kazee in the second quarter of today’s Panthers-Falcons game. Newton slid down at the end of his run and took a straight-on helmet-to-helmet hit from the Falcons defender...
Floyd Mayweather And Manny Pacquiao Will Stage History's Least Wanted Rematch
Who knows what to make of this. Floyd Mayweather said on Instagram Saturday that he will come back from retirement this year for a rematch of the insanely boring 2015 “mega-fight” with Manny Pacquiao....
David Wright Will Come Back To The Mets, And Then He'll Get To Leave
On Tuesday—before a 5-3 Mets loss to the Marlins, in which Jacob deGrom broke a 108-year-old MLB record by allowing three or fewer runs in his 26th straight start and also saw his record drop to 8-9 on the season—David Wright took a meeting with his team’s COO, who is the son of the team’s owner, an...
I Did Not Buy 6,500 Pairs Of Nikes To Send To The Dump, But Thousands Of Idiots Think I Did
First off, let’s get something out of the way: I did not purchase $1.3 million dollars’ worth of Nike Air VaporMaxes (White/Varsity Purple/Metallic Silver/Aqua, size 9.5) with the intent of shipping them to the Glendale city dump....
This Is The Showboatingest Homer I've Ever Seen
We have an extremely good controversy out of Southern Ontario’s Intercounty Baseball League, where the Barrie Baycats took down the Kitchener Panthers last week in a six-game series for their fifth straight championship. ...
Sam Hinkie Wants You To Help Him Build The Future Of Reading
Former Process architect, recent Broncos consultant, and present Bachelor enthusiast Sam Hinkie is seeking like-minded collaborators on a number of important projects....
Georgia State Coach Shawn Elliott Tore His Biceps Celebrating Touchdown In 41-7 Loss
Showing the unbridled enthusiasm of an assistant special teams coach, Georgia State head coach Shawn Elliott celebrated so hard after his team went up 7-0 on NC State last weekend that he tore his right biceps. He told reporters today that he will get surgery next week, which means Elliott will coac...
How Hard Does The Style On <i>Ballers</i> Ball? A Baller Ranking Of All The Ballers' Most Balleringist Looks
This week, Deadspin and Jezebel swap beats to celebrate America’s most dangerous and controversial pastimes: football and fashion, two sports that have far more in common than you think....
<i>Sports Illustrated</i> Shrugs, Gives Albert Breer "Leading Role" At The MMQB
As recently as a few months ago, Sports Illustrated insisted that no one person was going to take over for Peter King as the head of the MMQB, the magazine’s NFL website. It was somewhat surprising, then, to see MMQB writer Albert Breer announce in a press release today that he has been promoted to ...
Pitt Assistant Coach Says He Hasn't Left His Office Since Losing To Penn State, Prefers Flat Soda
Penn State trounced Pitt 51-6 last weekend, and nobody is taking that loss harder than Panthers tight ends coach Tim Salem. Fueled by a steady diet of carbonation-free, ice-cold chartreuse soda, Salem has spent the last few days in his office grinding non-stop. He hasn’t really slept at all, presuma...
<i>Pardon The Interruption</i> Needs To Die
Before we get into the Funbag, I just wanna remind you that the Deadcast is gonna be LIVE in Chicago on Monday night. Go here for all the relevant info and then come get sloppy with us as we yammer on stage and then watch the Bears lose in sickening fashion once more....
There Is Nothing More American Than Burning Your Dumb Sneakers
“Calling a dream crazy is not an insult,” Colin Kaepernick says during a two-minute ad that Nike rolled out last Wednesday. “It’s a compliment.” It’s one of many perfectly circular blobules of aspiration that Kaepernick delivers in stop-and-go voiceover throughout the ad, and in that context and the...
The Lions Should Probably Never Play Like That Ever Again
It was a terrible, awful, no good and very bad day for Detroit’s two Matts—Stafford and Patricia—in the Lions’ Monday night season opener against the Jets. Stafford threw four terrible interceptions and finished with a quarterback rating of 47.9, and his shit sandwich of an evening was topped by a p...
Tiny Child On Field Can't Stand Titans-Dolphins Weather Delay
Today’s Titans-Dolphins game, currently in its second weather delay, sounds like absolute hell for any fans in attendance:...
Report: NFL Will Not Have National Anthem Policy This Season
Back in May, NFL owners terrified of Donald Trump approved a new jingoistic national anthem policy decreeing that “all league and team personnel shall stand and show respect for the flag and the Anthem,” before games. The new rule essentially banned any kind of visible protest—such as Colin Kaeperni...
SafeSport Bans Taekwondo's Steven Lopez, But Will It Last?
The U.S. Center for SafeSport has banned three-time Olympic taekwondo medalist Steven Lopez, declaring him permanently ineligible earlier this week for “sexual misconduct involving a minor.” According to a copy of the notice of the director’s decision and other SafeSport records, which Deadspin revi...
Ex-UFC Fighter Melvin Guillard Wanted By Cops For Flattening A Man Into Unconsciousness
Former UFC contender Melvin Guillard is currently wanted by the Denver PD after knocking someone out cold at a club in Denver early Monday morning. TMZ has obtained security camera footage of the incident, in which you can see Guillard, clearly identifiable given his usual bleach blonde hair, swingi...
Two FIU Football Players Shot In Drive-By Shooting
Two Florida International Panthers football players were shot this afternoon, according to Opa-locka (Florida) Police Chief James Dobson, via the Miami Herald. Neither player’s injuries are believed to be life-threatening....