the Page 545 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Time Dave McKenna Inspired A Thousand Terrible TV Characters
Our beloved colleague Dave McKenna tells good stories. He’s done a lot of cool shit, met many weird people in weird ways, and had his run-ins with the law. And after selfishly squirreling all his stories away in Slack and our brains for years, we’ve realized we have a societal obligation to share....
Brooke Shields's Sweetness Was Matched Only By Her Denial
Originally published as “Brooke on the Brink” in the October, 1990 issue of New York Woman, this profile appears here with the author’s permission....
The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Plucky Little Lemon Rolling Its Way To Freedom
Are you ready to be surprisingly invested in the fate of a lemon? Are you ready to cheer, to gasp, to thrill as an indomitable citrus rolls ever onward, besting the gutter forces arrayed against it? ...
It Was A Very Bad Day For Papa John
How was your Wednesday? It was likely better than that of Papa John’s Pizza founder John Schnatter, who resigned from just about every position he still held after it emerged that he used the n-word during a [checks notes] sensitivity training session....
Former Louisville Players Sue "Morally Bankrupt" NCAA Over Escort Scandal Punishment
Louisville’s statement following the NCAA’s decision, in February, to go forward with vacating the Cardinals’ 2013 national title over the Andre McGee escort scandal said the university would “close this chapter and move forward with a stronger commitment to excellence on and off the court.” It beho...
Extremely Cardinals Report: Mike Matheny Respects Bud Norris For Being A Relentless Dick To Teammate Jordan Hicks
The St. Louis Cardinals are plainly, self-evidently enduring a period of persistent, chronic dunderheadedness. Nothing makes that more plain than the fact that they’re publicly feuding with one of their own players, but that’s not been the only sign: Tommy Pham, who broke out last season with the Ca...
Pizza Boy John Schnatter Resigns From Louisville Board Of Directors After Admitting To Offensive Conference Call Statements
Pizza dipshit John Schnatter reportedly resigned from the University of Louisville Board of Trustees Wednesday, after admitting to using the n-word in a conference call with marketing executives in May....
A Soccer Oaf's List Of The Best Soccer Things
Because it’s the most popular sport in the world and because the entire world is currently losing its collective shit about it, there is something forbidding about approaching soccer from the outside. There are many millions of people around the world who are so passionate about club teams that they...
Papa John Made Some People Mad After Allegedly Using The N-Word On A Conference Call
According to a report from Forbes, the owner of the Papa John’s pizza empire, John Schnatter, rankled a group of marketing executives when he used the n-word during a May conference call....
<i>Bachelorette</i> Contestant And Former NFLer Colton Underwood Eats Conch, Reveals He's A Virgin
Team, you may be wondering: What kind of coach is leading us? Why would she go radio silent for weeks on end? Well, I’m a firm believer in being quiet until it’s worth being heard, and this week it was time to whip out the bullhorn. Colton, former NFL player and founder of the Colton Underwood Lega...
Jerry Richardson's Statue Is Staying Put At The Carolina Panthers' Stadium
The Panthers may have wiped their hands clean of former owner and creep Jerry Richardson, but his face isn’t going to be forgotten by fans any time soon....
Daniel Cormier Predicted Exactly How He Was Going To Knock Out Stipe Miocic
One day before Daniel Cormier fought Stipe Miocic for the UFC heavyweight title, he appeared on a Fox preview show, where he was asked by co-host Michael Bisping to expound upon his theory that he’d knock Miocic out to win the belt. Cormier confidently explained, “There are some things that he does,...
ESPN Nukes Its Comment Sections, Unfairly Silencing Thousands Of Morons
No longer will you be able to read an ESPN.com article and then underneath receive the dumbest possible reactions to it. The Worldwide Leader has phased out its Facebook-hybrid comment sections, as confirmed by a company spokesperson this week. None of the keyboard mashing will be archived—they will...
Oh God, I Hope This Freak Accident Doesn't Derail The Daniel Cormier-Stipe Miocic Superfight
Daniel Cormier and Stipe Miocic are going to fight this weekend! It will be the first clash between two active UFC champions in years! Fans have endured barren cards in places like Utica and Singapore while waiting for this genuine superfight! It should be great! Unless of course, uh, Daniel Cormier...
<i>Uncle Drew</i> Probably Shouldn't Exist, But Definitely Isn't Bad
It is not a new or strange thing for professional athletes to want to be seen as more than the sum of their athletic achievements, and you don’t need to be a professional athlete to understand why. For the athletic portion of their strange hothouse lives, these people—normal humans, except for the ...
On The Origins, Use, And Meaning Of "Ass In The Jackpot"
The emergence last month of a 2016 video featuring mic’d-up Terry Collins arguing with umpire Tom Hallion not only gave the world, if only briefly, a unique insight into how umps deal with enraged managers, but also its most prominent demonstration of a phrase that was, until that point, known by on...
The Fight For Peace Has Never Been Easy
This piece is part of a recurring series that aims to be a complete guide to the laws of war. You can read previous entries here....
Gwen Jorgensen Wants To Be The Best In The World. Again.<em></em>
Endurance athletes, triathletes and distance runners, are a humble lot—hardworking, long suffering, and taught to endure not only punishing workouts, but years of incremental improvements with little, if any, monetary reward or recognition. Humility, patience, and persistence are the hallmarks of th...
Chuck Liddell And Tito Ortiz Will Run It Back, For Some Reason
So it’s come to this: Chuck Liddell, who was punched in the head so many times that he was forced to retire from professional MMA almost a decade ago, will come out of said retirement to fight Tito Ortiz, who’s pivoted from fighting other old guys to being a MAGA dude back to fighting other old guys...
Virtually No One In San Diego Is Listening To Sports Radio Goon Dan Sileo
You may ask, “Who is Dan Sileo?” Reader, you are lucky—and not alone. The ex-Miami Hurricanes football player and sports radio lunk, who has twice been fired for moronic remarks, is drawing in no listeners on the disastrous San Diego radio station 97.3 The Fan....