the Page 544 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Chaotic Cardinals Season Continues With Mid-Season Firing Of Manager Mike Matheny
The St. Louis Cardinals axed manager Mike Matheny Saturday night, following an 8-2 loss to the Cincinnati Reds. The loss was their fourth in five games, and 10th in their last 15 games. The Cardinals are now 7.5 games back in the NL Central. The Cardinals announced Matheny’s firing via a team releas...
Pizza Dipshit John Schnatter Claims Victimhood And Burns Roger Goodell In Strange, Strange Radio Interview
Papa John Schnatter did an interview on Friday with Terry Meiners of NewsRadio 840 WHAS, reflecting upon his extremely bad and dumb week and the bizarre and offensive comments that got him into so much trouble. I suggest listening to the whole thing. Meiners is direct and reasonably tough, and calls...
Louisville Removes Papa John's Name From Football Stadium, Business School, Phone Contacts
A week that began with reports that Papa John’s founder Papa “John” Schnatter somehow worked an overt hard-r racial slur into a conference call with a marketing company is ending with the removal of Schnatter’s name from virtually everything on which it had previously been emblazoned. There are only...
The Nuggets Desperately Wanted To Avoid The Luxury Tax
The Denver Nuggets pulled off a midnight trade this morning, sending the expiring contracts of Kenneth Faried and Darrell Arthur to the Nets in exchange for guard Isaiah Whitehead, who was promptly waived. That the Nuggets didn’t receive much of anything in return might not make sense at first, but ...
The Time Dave McKenna Inspired A Thousand Terrible TV Characters
Our beloved colleague Dave McKenna tells good stories. He’s done a lot of cool shit, met many weird people in weird ways, and had his run-ins with the law. And after selfishly squirreling all his stories away in Slack and our brains for years, we’ve realized we have a societal obligation to share....
Brooke Shields's Sweetness Was Matched Only By Her Denial
Originally published as “Brooke on the Brink” in the October, 1990 issue of New York Woman, this profile appears here with the author’s permission....
The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Plucky Little Lemon Rolling Its Way To Freedom
Are you ready to be surprisingly invested in the fate of a lemon? Are you ready to cheer, to gasp, to thrill as an indomitable citrus rolls ever onward, besting the gutter forces arrayed against it? ...
It Was A Very Bad Day For Papa John
How was your Wednesday? It was likely better than that of Papa John’s Pizza founder John Schnatter, who resigned from just about every position he still held after it emerged that he used the n-word during a [checks notes] sensitivity training session....
Former Louisville Players Sue "Morally Bankrupt" NCAA Over Escort Scandal Punishment
Louisville’s statement following the NCAA’s decision, in February, to go forward with vacating the Cardinals’ 2013 national title over the Andre McGee escort scandal said the university would “close this chapter and move forward with a stronger commitment to excellence on and off the court.” It beho...
Extremely Cardinals Report: Mike Matheny Respects Bud Norris For Being A Relentless Dick To Teammate Jordan Hicks
The St. Louis Cardinals are plainly, self-evidently enduring a period of persistent, chronic dunderheadedness. Nothing makes that more plain than the fact that they’re publicly feuding with one of their own players, but that’s not been the only sign: Tommy Pham, who broke out last season with the Ca...
Pizza Boy John Schnatter Resigns From Louisville Board Of Directors After Admitting To Offensive Conference Call Statements
Pizza dipshit John Schnatter reportedly resigned from the University of Louisville Board of Trustees Wednesday, after admitting to using the n-word in a conference call with marketing executives in May....
A Soccer Oaf's List Of The Best Soccer Things
Because it’s the most popular sport in the world and because the entire world is currently losing its collective shit about it, there is something forbidding about approaching soccer from the outside. There are many millions of people around the world who are so passionate about club teams that they...
Papa John Made Some People Mad After Allegedly Using The N-Word On A Conference Call
According to a report from Forbes, the owner of the Papa John’s pizza empire, John Schnatter, rankled a group of marketing executives when he used the n-word during a May conference call....
<i>Bachelorette</i> Contestant And Former NFLer Colton Underwood Eats Conch, Reveals He's A Virgin
Team, you may be wondering: What kind of coach is leading us? Why would she go radio silent for weeks on end? Well, I’m a firm believer in being quiet until it’s worth being heard, and this week it was time to whip out the bullhorn. Colton, former NFL player and founder of the Colton Underwood Lega...
Jerry Richardson's Statue Is Staying Put At The Carolina Panthers' Stadium
The Panthers may have wiped their hands clean of former owner and creep Jerry Richardson, but his face isn’t going to be forgotten by fans any time soon....
Daniel Cormier Predicted Exactly How He Was Going To Knock Out Stipe Miocic
One day before Daniel Cormier fought Stipe Miocic for the UFC heavyweight title, he appeared on a Fox preview show, where he was asked by co-host Michael Bisping to expound upon his theory that he’d knock Miocic out to win the belt. Cormier confidently explained, “There are some things that he does,...
ESPN Nukes Its Comment Sections, Unfairly Silencing Thousands Of Morons
No longer will you be able to read an ESPN.com article and then underneath receive the dumbest possible reactions to it. The Worldwide Leader has phased out its Facebook-hybrid comment sections, as confirmed by a company spokesperson this week. None of the keyboard mashing will be archived—they will...
Oh God, I Hope This Freak Accident Doesn't Derail The Daniel Cormier-Stipe Miocic Superfight
Daniel Cormier and Stipe Miocic are going to fight this weekend! It will be the first clash between two active UFC champions in years! Fans have endured barren cards in places like Utica and Singapore while waiting for this genuine superfight! It should be great! Unless of course, uh, Daniel Cormier...
<i>Uncle Drew</i> Probably Shouldn't Exist, But Definitely Isn't Bad
It is not a new or strange thing for professional athletes to want to be seen as more than the sum of their athletic achievements, and you don’t need to be a professional athlete to understand why. For the athletic portion of their strange hothouse lives, these people—normal humans, except for the ...