the Page 563 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bill Simmons Is A Fucking Embarrassment<em></em>
Look man, I know Ley already posted about it earlier but for real, get a fucking load of this Bill Simmons column that dropped today. It’s a fucking disgrace. There have been so many awful Bill Simmons takes throughout history, including this one, this one, and this one. You could make a Hall of Fa...
Kyrie Irving's And J.J. Redick's Brains Are In The Fifth Dimension In The Palace Of Truth
Kyrie Irving went on J.J. Redick’s Ringer podcast today, and the two former Dookies spent a good 10 minutes Expanding Their Minds and swapping Deep Thoughts. Irving addressed his Flat Earth trutherism, and says came to his own conclusions after doing his own research, which he says came from Instagr...
Get A Load Of This Fucking Bill Simmons Column
Bill Simmons has written a long and tortured criticism (rebuttal?) of Seth Wickersham’s meticulously reported story about the Patriots’ ongoing behind-the-scenes drama. If you want to spend the next 10-14 minutes making the Nick Young face, go ahead and read it. But if you just want to know how craz...
Alabama Assistant Coach Had Playbook Stolen Before National Championship
Alabama defensive line coach Karl Dunbar’s backpack—which held his playbook and laptop—was stolen from the team’s Atlanta hotel before this week’s national championship game against Georgia....
Live Dog Mascot Runs Over Women's College Basketball Player During Game<em></em>
The first quarter of Wednesday’s women’s college basketball game between Drew University (N.J.) and Moravian College (Penn.) ended bizarrely when one of Moravian’s live greyhound mascots had a run-in with a Drew player. It’s hard to be more specific beyond a “run-in,” because it happened away from t...
Manchester United Need To Stay The Fuck Away From Our Wonderteen
The good thing about having one of the soccer world’s most coveted young attacking prospects is that the eyes of the game’s biggest clubs will be focused on the kid, each team projecting out his possibly incredible future and positioning themselves to snatch it for themselves if they so decide to ma...
Auston Matthews Can Stickhandle His Way Out Of Any Peril
Auston Matthews announced his NHL arrival last season by taking on the entire Senators line single-handedly and winning, thanks to his unreal stickhandling, and he gave us a near-reprise tonight against the very same team. Matthews started with his back to the net in the offensive zone, then maneuve...
Floyd Mayweather Offers The Most Predictable Take On "Me Too" Movement<em></em>
Floyd Mayweather, a moron and serial domestic abuser, is hanging around the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas hawking some sort of virtual reality boxing setup, which he says—oh God, who cares. Men’s Health interviewed the semi-retired boxer and he somehow stayed on topic for most of it, dodging a ...
Report: Panthers Could Put That New Stadium On Some Guy's Farm, Sure, Why Not
Carolina Panthers owner Jerry Richardson, who was recently accused of sexual harassment and getting racist with team employees, will soon sell his stake in the team. It’s not clear who will buy the team yet, though the end of the Panthers’ season on Sunday means that the process is now underway. Did...
The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Full-Court Putt
Clemson University student Christopher Carns picked a particularly prime opportunity to be really, really accurate, sinking a 94-foot putt across the school’s basketball court to win $10,000....
Man Arrested At Girls J.V. Basketball Game: "I Regret Punching The Ref In The Face"
A good apology does not waste time delicately circling around the point, a good apology shows remorse, a good apology does not redirect blame. An example of a good apology: “I regret punching the ref in the face. It was an emotional response. I shouldn’t have done it. I’m sorry.”...
May All Your Failures End Up As Serendipitously As This Soccer Coach's Attempt To Lean Against A Fence
I don’t think I’ve ever done anything on purpose with the poise and commitment that Marius Sumudica, manager of the Turkish soccer team Kayserispor, brings to playing off this accidental fall so that it looks like he intended all along to lower himself into a metal hammock. Seems comfy. ...
I Am Now A Flu Shot Truther And I Hate Myself For It<em></em>
Your letters: ...
What Weird New Behavior Will Donald Trump Display At The National Championship Game?<em></em>
A year and change into his first term in office, it’s still honestly kind of hard to tell why Donald Trump ran for president. At this point, we know enough about him to assume both 1) that it had nothing to do with any of the reasons he offered on the campaign trail and 2) that it’s probably somethi...
Does The Panthers' Excuse For Cam Newton's Very Brief Concussion Exam Pass Muster?
The NFL and NFLPA are reportedly investigating the circumstances surrounding that massive hit to the brain Cam Newton took in the fourth quarter of yesterday’s loss to New Orleans. Newton was slow to get up after it happened. He fell to the ground as he left the field. He was tested for a concussion...
<i>SI</i>'s Website Is So Bad Peter King Can't Even Tweet Proper Links To His Stories
Sports Illustrated’s website is a modern marvel, in that it seems to drive people away from the good work that’s squished between various modules and distractions. The site is so bad that Sports Illustrated’s biggest name, Peter King, now tweets out an alternate version of a hyperlink to pieces on h...
René Magritte As Philosophical Detective
This essay was originally published in the Threepenny Review (1994), is featured in Sante’s anthology, Kill All Your Darlings, and appears here with the author’s permission....
For No Reason, Here's A Ridiculously Tight Cam Newton Throw
I flagged this yesterday in the hopes there’d be some larger context to use it today, but after the Saints’ 31-26 win over the Panthers, there’s really not. Which is fine! It’s fine to look at a cool throw for its own sake. This is a cannon....
Panthers Rally Around Disgraced Owner Jerry Richardson One Last Time
The Panthers were eliminated from the playoffs yesterday, meaning that owner Jerry Richardson’s active stewardship of the team has all but come to an end. Last month, Richardson put the team up for sale after it was revealed that he’d been accused of multiple instances of sexual harassment and racis...
Cam Newton Never Had A Chance
Cameron Jordan—Pro Bowler, first-team All-Pro, serious candidate for defensive player of the year—loves shit-talking the Panthers. The DE has had ample opportunity, with the Saints beating Carolina three times this season, including Sunday’s 31-26 playoff win. He’s gone back and forth with Cam Newto...