the Page 564 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Cam Newton Sits Down While Trying To Leave The Field After Getting Sacked
Panthers QB Cam Newton took a head-on collision from David Onyemata while trying to avoid a sack in the fourth quarter of his game against the Saints. The hit looked painful on its own, but what’s especially concerning is what happened after. Newton initially tried to leave the field, but couldn’t m...
Matthew Dellavedova Ejected After Taking Down Bradley Beal
Tonight’s Bucks-Wizards game is a tight one, but Milwaukee is finishing it out without guard Matthew Dellavedova after the Australian earned a flagrant 2 ejection for demolishing Bradley Beal. He is fortunate the official punishment is all that he suffered....
Ball Brothers’ Lithuanian Team Abandons Baltic League To Play Family Shoe-Branded Exhibition<em></em>
Who’s ready for the debuts of LaMelo and LiAngelo Ball??? Hopefully not fans of the Baltic League, because Vytautas Prienai announced today that they’d be pulling out of the Baltic Sea region’s second-most prestigious tournament to play in something called the Big Baller Brand Challenge Games, which...
A Major-League Team Is Not A Business<em></em>
You don’t need any insight into the inner workings of the Miami Marlins to understand why the franchise is currently in the midst of stripping itself of every decent player making even a modest salary. The team was just purchased by a bunch of people who couldn’t really afford it, and now they need ...
Put Alex Jones In The Booth For <i>Monday Night Football</i>, Cowards
When ESPN made Rush Limbaugh a part of their Sunday NFL Countdown flagship back in 2003, the country was a different place. Everything that is currently bad and dumb about these United States was already very much in evidence, if maybe not quite in its current state of roaring psychedelic metastasis...
Here's That Video Of Jean-Claude Van Damme Kicking Cody Garbrandt In The Face
Just before Christmas, former UFC bantamweight champion Cody Garbrandt relayed the wonderful story of Jean-Claude Van Damme’s visit to Team Alpha Male’s Sacramento HQ for a bit of training. After sweating on everyone and weirding the team out with some strange stretches, the action star got in the t...
There Is Now An App For Triple Crown Ratio Lines On Bad Tweets, And It Rules
You are familiar, at this point, with how this all goes. Some verified foof on Twitter gets something grandly, gratingly wrong and then it gets...noticed. We are far enough along in the online part of our endless civilizational deadfall that we even have a name for this, now: that Bad Tweet and its...
Here's The Sports Highlight Of The Day
Oh, what’s that? Your dog can sled? That’s real cute. Now get the fuck out of here, because this one can also act as its own ski lift....
Mike Trout Can't Stop Texting His Wife About The Bomb Cyclone
Many athletes present first and foremost as carefully crafted public brands, but we know at least one thing to be true about Mike Trout: this dude really, earnestly loves the weather. Not a specific season, like most normal people who love swimming in the summer or wearing sweaters in autumn. No, Tr...
Nick Saban Found Something To Grump About
Two days after his team won its College Football Playoff semifinal and advanced to the national title game for the third straight year, Alabama head coach Nick Saban groused that there was only one week between semifinals and the championship. This has more or less been the case since the College Fo...
Southern Miss Baseball Forced To Cancel Series Due To Anti-Gay Marriage Law
Southern Mississippi baseball is a frequent NCAA tournament team. Last year, the Golden Eagles went 50-16, and for the 2018 season, the team has a preseason All-American in sophomore outfielder Matt Wallner. But the upcoming season will be slightly shorter than usual: A planned February series again...
Oh No! <i>Infinity War</i>'s Stupid-Ass Rob Dibble Thumb Looking-Ass Villain's Birth Name Is As Stupid As His Other Name, His Head, His Existence
It’s “Dione.” Which I guess is somehow a dumber name than “Thanos” because, uh, it’s traditionally the name of a goddess instead of a male god? I don’t know. He looks like a thumb with Rob Dibble’s face tattooed on it. Comic fans are not nearly embarrassed enough about this....
Kevin Stallings To Heckler At Louisville Game: "At Least We Didn't Pay Our Kids $100,000"
Pittsburgh coach Kevin Stallings responded to a heckler at the end of tonight’s blowout loss to Louisville with a nice topical reference to the FBI sting that caught the Cardinals funneling $100,000 to former top recruit Brian Bowen: ...
Christian Pulisic Rings In The New Year With A Powerful And Absolutely Legit Slam Dunk
Christian Pulisic—the wonderteen, the nation’s best and most favored soccer man, an elite athlete blessed with speed and agility and hops we don’t normally associate with slight, diminutive whiteboys—had himself a (mostly) great 2017. To commemorate his metaphorical ascent to the heights of the spor...
If The UFC Wants Conor McGregor To Defend His Belt, They Should Pay Up<em></em>
What’s your favorite Conor McGregor title defense? Since catching Eddie Alvarez reaching a few days after the 2016 election to nab the lightweight championship, the Irishman hasn’t fought in the UFC. He earned the featherweight belt in 2015 by unhooking Jose Aldo’s jaw in 13 seconds, but the UFC re-...
Bad Quarterback Performance Of The Week: Kirk Cousins Is Cold And Wants To Go Home
Welcome to Bad Quarterback Performance Of The Week, a recurring feature in which we celebrate the worst quarterback play the NFL has to offer....
My New Year's Gift To You Is Leaving This Caption Up To The Commenters
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What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?<em></em>
If Christmas is all about putting stuff up butts, New Year’s Day is the day to read about the many methods of absolute destruction of America’s dick and balls, and to be thankful it wasn’t you. Unless it was....
Falcons Earn Another Chance To Spectacularly Choke In The Playoffs<em></em>
Most of you likely recall last year’s Super Bowl between Atlanta and New England, in which the Falcons somehow blew a 28-3 lead and let Tom Brady claim yet another championship. But many of you may also be shocked to hear that the Falcons weren’t immediately banned from all future postseasons after ...
Donnie Jones Puts On A Show Before Punting
If you haven’t noticed by the ice forming in your water glasses, it’s very cold up north and out east today, and it’s messing with at least a few NFL players. One of them was Eagles punter Donnie Jones, who went out to punt while still wearing his warm-ups, then had to treat fans to a little show....