the Page 565 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Federal Court Strikes Down Asinine Rule Prohibiting High School Anthem Protests
The turds of the San Pasqual Valley Unified School District, in California, passed a rule this year prohibiting “kneeling, sitting or similar forms of political protest” during national anthem ceremonies at athletic events, because they are lame-brained suckers with tiny little meaningless existence...
C'mon, Nobody Deserves That
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The Ice Bowl, The Sneak, And The Family Who Shot The Packers For 70 Years
It wasn’t just cold at Lambeau Field. With the temperature at 13 below zero at kickoff, and the wind chill at 36 below, Dec. 31, 1967, ranked as the coldest New Year’s Eve day that Green Bay, Wisconsin, had ever witnessed....
This 0-13 Basketball Team Is A Favorite To Make The NCAA Tournament
It’s the last week of December, and Texas Southern hasn’t yet played a home game. They won’t have one, in fact, until next Monday, when the Tigers open Southwest Athletic Conference play against Southern University....
Ron Rivera Encourages Team To Rally Around Alleged Harasser
In his postgame speech yesterday, Panthers coach Ron Rivera asked players to break after yelling “Mr. Richardson” on the count of three—a reference to team owner Jerry Richardson, who has given up day-to-day operations of the club and put it up for sale after being accused of multiple instances of ...
Bad Quarterback Performance Of The Week: Brett Hundley Brought Bagels
Welcome to Bad Quarterback Performance Of The Week, a recurring feature in which we celebrate the worst quarterback play the NFL has to offer....
The SEC Network Yule Log Is Our Nation's Greatest Contribution To Avant-Garde Cinema
My family only has a few Christmas traditions, among them cinnamon rolls, trips to the dog park, bike rides, and yard work. But the most important tradition—one that gets us up early on Christmas morning—is the SEC Network Yule Log, which is just like other yule log broadcasts except that the orches...
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?
If it’s Christmas, it must be time to learn what America shoved inside itself. The only worthwhile holiday tradition pushes on....
Jameis Winston Melts Down After Panthers Comeback
Cam Newton scored a touchdown with 35 seconds left to push the Panthers past the Buccaneers, 22-19. On the ensuing drive, Jameis Winston fumbled on the first play after a sack from Kawann Short. Carolina defensive end Julius Peppers recovered. That’s when things got messy....
Cam Newton Got Hit In The Nuts
Cam Newton had to leave today’s game against the Buccaneers, because he took a shot to the nuts. Sucks for him....
Ravens President Blames Empty Seats On Anthem Protests
According to ESPN, Baltimore Ravens president Dick Cass sent a letter to season ticket holders this week, in which he blamed a dip in attendance at least in part on the fact that Ravens players knelt during the national anthem before a game in London....
Florida State Will Play Bowl Game Even After Reddit Sleuths Discover They Shouldn't Be Eligible<em></em>
Florida State went 6-6 this season, a true stinker of a campaign that all went to shit the moment Deondre Francois went down clutching his knee. At least FSU’s measly six wins afforded them the consolation prize of a bowl appearance against Southern Mississippi....
The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Poor Bloke's Escalator Odyssey From Hell
Rarely does any scenario become worse after your dick and balls get smashed to hell. But our friend here, wearing what appears to be a Bristol City or maybe an England kit, was only beginning to get acquainted with true pain when he went airborne....
Yet Another Goddamn <i>The Last Jedi</i> Podcast
Hey, here’s something rare: two dudes breaking down a Star Wars movie in needlessly painstaking detail. Yes, we’re still talking about The Last Jedi, and that is the subject of this week’s Deadcast....
Dana White Is Boasting About Signing Floyd Mayweather To A UFC Contract
Floyd Mayweather, a boxer who lies about being retired, has taken all of four months to start speculating about his next fight. He recently said that he has an offer from the UFC, and Dana White talked to ESPN’s Brett Okamoto today to continue hyping up a mixed martial arts debut for the famously br...
Please Enjoy "The Joy Of Christmas," The Greatest, Goofiest Christmas Album Ever Made
Tastefulness. It has no place when celebrating the holiday season, but some people just can’t fucking help themselves. Look at this Spotify playlist:...
I Can't Wait To See Tech Dweebs Own Themselves By Wearing These Things On Their Faces
Listen. I am old. And one of the things that happened along my way to becoming old was that I recognized, and even came to derive some comfort from recognizing, that the things I value—privacy, the company of my loved ones, good health, not having what look like limo-tinted jeweler’s glasses from th...
Lithuanian Basketball Fixer Secured Two Ball Brothers By Getting At Them On Twitter<em></em>
LiAngelo and LaMelo Ball will head across the Atlantic into the Lithuanian countryside in a few weeks, and Andrew Keh of the New York Times visited Prienai to get a sense of what they’re getting themselves into. He found a small town with Ball family fever, where the pizza joints are blaring about t...