the Page 636 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Baby Angry About Bowling
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Don't Let Me Down
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UW-Milwaukee Basketball Play-By-Play Guy Quits, Burns Every Single Bridge On Way Out
Bill Johnson, who has been the radio play-by-play guy for UW-Milwaukee basketball for the past 16 seasons, announced on Instagram last night that he was retiring. Accompanying his announcement was a blistering broadside against the UW-Milwaukee athletic department, calling department executives “a t...
Coloring Books May Ease Your Crushing Anxiety
Justin Bieber, apparently bored with apologizing in song and antagonizing Post Malone, has started exploring a new medium. He took to Instagram recently to present some visual art, in the salacious person of a NSFW tomahawk-wielding manga nymph. While I cannot endorse his choice of material—is this ...
Your Last-Minute, Pants-Shitting Guide To Taxes
Oh holy living fuck, Tax Day is Monday! Have you filed yet? Do you owe penalties? SHIT YOU’RE GOING TO FUCKING JAIL. You better run. I know a place in Mexico where you can lie low for a bit while the Feds go searching for you. It’ll buy you the time you need, and then you can jump a shipping freight...
Here Is The Grimmest Of All Philadelphia 76er Anecdotes
Ontological question: If an NBA team chooses its players precisely for their generic inability to compete in the NBA—that is to say, for not belonging in the NBA at all—then are they truly NBA players?...
Roadkill Crafts: A Squeamish Beginner's Guide
If I’m in your car, and we’re not in a hurry, chances are that at some point, I’m going to ask you to pull over so that I can solemnly poke a stick at a dead thing along the side of the road. If we’re in my car—which is usually equipped with nitrile gloves, hand sanitizer, and garbage bags—and the d...
Entitled Asshole Gets Undeserved Raise
Clemson head coach Dabo Swinney, whose team lost 45-40 to Alabama in this year’s national championship game, just got a raise. His new contract will pay him more than $30 million over the next six years. ...
Cardale Jones Calls Out "Insane And Unfair" NCAA; Darren Rovell Rushes To Defend It
Former Ohio State quarterback Cardale Jones, who is currently preparing for the NFL draft, took some parting shots at the NCAA today. His criticisms have gotten much more pointed since “we ain’t come to play SCHOOL,” but the spirit is the same:...
Danny Willett's Brother Sent Some Very Good Tweets During The Masters
Englishman Danny Willett won his first career major at the Masters yesterday, and nobody had more fun watching him do it than his brother P.J. We know this because P.J. has a Twitter account, and he’s not afraid to use it....
Jordan Spieth Wasn't Much For Talking After His Masters Collapse
Jordan Spieth lost the Masters by three strokes thanks to his collapse on the back nine, which included a quadruple bogey on a par 3. He recovered a bit and hit birdies on 13 and 15, but a bogey on 17 doomed him to a two-way tie for second with Lee Westwood. In the end, it was the worst collapse at ...
Jordan Spieth Blows Masters Lead With Disastrous Quadruple Bogey
Jordan Spieth had a fairly comfortable lead through most of the final round of the Masters, until he inexplicably blew the first few holes of Augusta’s back nine. After hitting four straight birdies, Spieth bogied on holes 10 and 11. Then he did, well, this on 12, which was a Par 3....
Louis Oosthuizen Shoots Hole-In-One Off J.B. Holmes's Ball
This certainly isn’t something you see very often. Hitting on No. 16, Louis Oosthuizen’s drive found the green—and J.B. Holmes’s ball—before rolling in for a hole-in-one, and almost giving Holmes a “hole-in-one” too....
Villanova's Title Win Was Beautiful, Quiet, And Weird As Hell
I got to my seat for Monday’s college basketball national championship game with 14 minutes left in the first half like a classic harried nerd, carrying a pair of binoculars that it turned out I didn’t need. I was worried about watching a basketball game from the sixth floor of a football stadium, b...
IDK NOT TRUMP THO
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NASCAR Invocation Features Prayer To Elect A Republican President
Unapologetic bigot Phil Robertson delivered the invocation before tonight’s NASCAR race in Texas, and it didn’t disappoint—if you were looking forward to the duck call industrialist to pray for “A Jesus man” to be elected president in November....
Pro Cycling's Most Harrowing Race Is A Day In Hell
You can’t drive your car over the cobbled roads of Northern France. They’re jagged anachronisms from a past era of transportation, and the only vehicles that still traverse them are tractors and, one Sunday a year, hundreds of professional cyclists. The 114th running of Paris-Roubaix will take place...
This Is The Among The Best Victory Celebrations In Cycling History
You may glance at the headline above you and reflexively gag at the hyperbole. However, you would be wrong to do so, for Astana’s Diego Rosa really did the shit....
Man, Southern Miss Was Flagrantly Breaking NCAA Rules
Anybody who follows college sports even semi-closely is inured to scandal. These guys are taking sham classes, those ones are getting free dealership cars, that one is getting money slipped under the table by an agent. But even beyond the sheer mind-numbing quantity of “scandals,” the NCAA is an imm...