the Page 698 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Adorable Kid Thinks Candy Corn Is A Candle, Tosses It In The Garbage
A YouTuber named Kyle Quinn gave some candy corn (which is garbage) to an outrageously cute sixth-grader in China. That sixth-grader thought it was a candle, and threw it in the trash. That sixth grader is the best sixth grader....
Bengals Fan Is Having A Wonderful Time
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Deion Sanders On Whether People Choose To Be Gay: "Who Wouldn't?"
Deion Sanders, who really shouldn't be on TV to talk about anything other than football, is here seen on TV (the Internet? What is Ora?) giving his expert opinion on homosexuality, which he says "could be" a choice. In this interview, Larry King is asking Sanders about Michael Sam, whom Sanders re...
The Fuck Is Wrong With LeBron? Some Theories
Holy shit, the Cavaliers are 1-3! ONE AND THREE! OH MY GOD, CLEVELAND IS CLEVELANDING ALL OVER ITSELF AGAIN! Now, listen: I know that newly assembled teams like this need time to gel, and that the NBA regular season is fucking stupid, and that the Heat struggled in a similar fashion at first with...
Does Banana Bread Belong In Your Beer?
Bananas are pretty good. I'm not sure if Deadspin has ever issued a ranking of the fruits (editor's note: duh), but they probably have, and it was probably wrong, because everyone always underestimates kiwis and pretends to be too cool for apples. But if I were ever consulted on such a project, I'd ...
Michael Beasley Reduced To Status As Kevin Durant Flunky
At one point early on in The Offseason: Kevin Durant, that HBO reality show aimed at getting its star better endorsement deals, walking brand Kevin Durant flies some of his buddies out to Los Angeles, where they intend to stay for the summer. We're introduced to Childhood Friend Cliff Dixon, Manager...
<em>El Mariachi</em> Is A Feast Of Bloody Micro-Budget Silliness
There's a moment early in El Mariachi, the micro-budget 1992 movie that introduced Robert Rodriguez to the world, where our hero, an unnamed wandering musician, asks a bartender if he can work there, singing for tips. The asshole bartender laughs in his face and says that he'd never pay one guy ...
Yuengling Black And Tan Doesn't Suck
Thanksgiving is the best holiday, and second place isn't close. I deeply regret that I spent several obnoxious years pretending that Thanksgiving is overrated. That's preposterous, for it is impossible to be too enthusiastic about a midweek vacation day devoted entirely to sloth and excess....
Brett Favre Was The Third Choice For <em>There's Something About Mary</em>
Brett Favre's memorable cameo in There's Something About Mary wouldn't have happened if the Farrelly Brothers had gotten their way (and if Drew Bledsoe hadn't injured a woman stage-diving at an Everclear concert)....
Don't Threaten Me, Fox Sports Florida
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<em>The Basement Tapes Complete</em> Gives You All The Bob Dylan You Can Stand
Chronology imposes narrative when all else fails. So thank the tape-crawlers who've assembled Bob Dylan and the Band's The Basement Tapes Complete, the 11th volume of The Bootleg Series, Dylan and Sony Music's shrewd posterity-burnishing enterprise, for putting the thing together in as close to prop...
Marcus Lattimore To Retire Due To Persistent Knee Problems
Marcus Lattimore, once a star running back at the University of South Carolina and a current member of the San Francisco 49ers, is retiring from football at the age of 23 without ever having played in an NFL game. ...
Most Fruit Beers Suck; This One Doesn't
For such a handsome and hopeful young man, it took me a remarkably short period of time to get a bit jaded about the Craft Beer Movement™. It's not that I don't appreciate good beer—hell, you could go so far as to say I even respect it—and I also like the fact that the overwhelming majority of Ame...
Damning Emails Show The NCAA Was "Bluffing" On Penn State
Who wants to read some internal emails that make the NCAA look incompetent, reactionary, and completely unable to justify its own authority? ...
Sean Avery's Theater Debut Derailed By Pizza-Related Rehearsal Meltdown
That's a good headline. Really tells a story. Are you sure you even want the details, or should we just leave it at that?...
Dozens Of Seagulls Straight Chillin' On The Pitch At Aussie Soccer Match
These are the highlights of Melbourne Victory's 2-0 win over Wellington Phoenix. More impressive than either goal scored is that the match continued on in the middle of a veritable bird storm, with dozens of gulls just walking on or flitting about the field and players like they owned the place....
Sierra Nevada Is Still The Freshest
Good afternoon, gang! How's tricks? DID YOU VOTE?! I won't buy you a beer unless you voted. Nah, just kidding, I won't buy you a beer regardless, and I also don't like to jump down non-voting throats. I cast my ballot, because I'm a paragon of virtue—plus I have a soft schedule and was already wea...
The Brits Are Tearing Shit Up In Madrid
It's comforting to know Americans aren't the only ones known for loud and obnoxious behavior when abroad. Our cousins over in England are similarly famous for heading over to mainland Europe and bringing the ruckus. Hence these British fans in Madrid ahead of today's Liverpool-Real Madrid match, and...
He's Had It With Your Bullshit, Eli
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Fuck Kevin Durant
Tomorrow night, the world will be subjected to The Offseason: Kevin Durant, an HBO show marketed as a documentary that depicts what The Servant has been up to since the end of the Western Conference Finals. You might think it would be interesting, seeing that over the summer Durant (briefly) played ...