the Page 944 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Fat, Sweaty, Drunk Man Teaches You How NOT To Perform Standup
This six-minute clip, taken roughly seven years ago, represents my last performance as a stand up comedian. After watching for about five seconds, you will understand why....
Ridiculous Rain Delay Proves Once And For All That College People Have Too Much Free Time
Florida Atlantic and Western Kentucky were mired in a rain delay of indeterminate length and decided to get a little silly rather than adjust their jocks and spit sun-flower seeds like those layabout MLBers. H/T, like, 15 of you. [YouTube]...
<em>Newsday</em> Sports Section Adopts Strict Policy Of Blowing Sunshine Up Your Ass
Newsday, a collection of tire ads that old people leave lying around diners in Farmingdale, is cracking down on any use of sarcasm or name-calling or "negative characterization" in its corpse of a sports section. To which I say: Brilliant idea, assholes!...
In Case You Missed The Horrible Live Chat With Sarah Silverman, Here's A Rundown
From dealing with her handlers or her publicist or assistant or handbag holder or whatever other title given to the people hired to manage Sarah Silverman's Literary Life, this live chat, dear loathsome readers, sucked....
Now's The Time To Talk To Sarah Silverman....
Sarah's down in the comments, awaiting your scorn and scrutiny. Ask her about pooping, talk about your favorite Jews, be insensitive and nasty. You know, be yourselves. Be sure to read the excerpt, buy the book, save the whales....
Sarah Silverman Will Try To Chat Live On Deadspin at 12:40ish
She needs to familiarize herself with the commenting system but, I am told, she will be ready to go at this time after a brief tutorial. Please come. Bring the usual level of displaced anger. Everyone's having fun.[TheBedwetter]...
Saying Goodbye To Guru, With That Weird Tom Gugliotta Mix
This video was posted on Saturday but after today's news, it's a bit more poignant (but no less preposterous). Listen to Gang Starr's "Peace of Mine" and think about the good times we had. RIP, Guru....
Family Rushes To Vomiting Fan's Defense In Eminently Quotable Fashion
Now I'm no Perry Mason, but I'd say that if your defense rests in part on there being a distinction between a right person and a wrong person on whom to ralph, your case is lost already....
Welcome To Deadspin's "Comedy Week"
This week, Deadspin will celebrate the release of Sarah Silverman's book, "The Bedwetter," with an excerpt and a friendly chat with you weirdos. To commemorate this fine event, we've also brought in more funny people....
Apropos Of Nothing, Here's Phillies Vomit Kid Doing Madonna Karaoke
Mean-spirited? Yeah, a little. Only tangentially related to sports? Sure. But fuck it. Here's Matthew Clemmens (stage name: Pukemon) with "Material Girl."...
A Blow-By-Blow Account Of The Vomiting Phillies Fan
In our #tips section, we received a purported firsthand account from someone sitting in the same section as Matthew Clemens, the New Jersey man accused of throwing up on an 11-year-old girl. We reprint it here for your reading pleasure....
Vince Young Maybe Has A Fender-Bender: A Weekly Roundup From The Tips Forum
We get many fantastic tips in our inbox and from the #tips forum. Some are not so great. These are some of those #tips we specifically overlooked or ignored. All apologies....
Cristiano Ronaldo Scores A Beauty For Real Madrid
Ever since he cruelly turned his back on the Premier League for the paltry sum of £80million, hardly anyone over here gets to keep up with Cristiano Ronaldo's football progress. As it happens, he's still quite good....
Scott Stapp Ruins America
Scott Stapp, not content with making you hate music, God, and baseball, has decided to ruin America for everyone, too. Here he is, doing unspeakable things to our country's national anthem....
Live Chat With Sam Lipsyte
Sam's down in the comments, awaiting both your observations on America's sham meritocracy and your penis humor. Go say hi. Don't forget to read the excerpt and buy the book....
Excerpt From <em>The Ask</em>: "... And I Pictured Titboning Vargina In A Rare Books Room"
Below is the first chapter of The Ask, by Sam Lipsyte, our funniest and foremost chronicler of fuck-up Americana. Read it and come back at 3 p.m. for a live chat with the author in a followup post....
Jim Nantz, You Suck! Goddammit!
Nantz pronounces himself appalled at Tiger's naughty language. "How about the father and son who are standing right there by the tee? How about the hundreds of people who are around that tee who hear that?" How about you fuck yourself? [Chron.com]...
England To Spend World Cup Build Up Sleeping In Tents
In a move commonly known as "the reverse Michael Jackson," England squad members will spend the build up to the World Cup sleeping in strange tents that have less oxygen in them than normal tents....
Plane Owner Claims FAA Shake Down Over Masters "Bootyism" Banner
The owner of the aerial sign company that flew anti-Tiger Woods banners over The Masters says the FAA silenced him with a "bogus" safety inspection. If planes existed when the First Amendment was written, this would totally be in there....
Man United’s European Exit Recreated Using Lego!
And they say that children can't concentrate any more....