theories - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights



We Are Witnessing The Death Of The Hot Sports Take
Yesterday, we found Mt. Take, a place brimming with the hottest sports takes anyone on this good earth has ever seen. Some may have seen the discovery of this dark heart of sports opinions as a sign that the Take Industrial Complex is only getting stronger. I submit a different theory: the takes are...

Mark Schlereth Has Some Thoughts On The Solar System
Today, son of Alaska, ESPN football analyst, and chili plug Mark Schlereth piqued our interest when he tweeted this smuggish tweet......

Some Theories About Bill Belichick's Mysterious Black Eye
Patriots head coach Bill Belichick showed up to his press conference this morning sporting a shiner above his left eye. He didn’t bother to explain how he got it, so we’ve come up with a few educated guesses....

The Biblical Theory Of Why Fat Rappers Should Stay That Way
There's a story in the Bible about a guy named Samson, a very strong man with very long hair that had never been cut—and when it finally did get chopped off, he lost all his strength. It's the same thing with fat rappers....

The Fuck Is Wrong With LeBron? Some Theories
Holy shit, the Cavaliers are 1-3! ONE AND THREE! OH MY GOD, CLEVELAND IS CLEVELANDING ALL OVER ITSELF AGAIN! Now, listen: I know that newly assembled teams like this need time to gel, and that the NBA regular season is fucking stupid, and that the Heat struggled in a similar fashion at first with...

Who Hacked The Nudes? A Working Theory
Everyone likes a good mystery, and the best one around right now involves the leak of hundreds of celebrity nudes onto the internet. The prevailing theory is that some hacker cracked Apple's iCloud service and then uploaded the nudes to the image-based bulletin board 4chan. We suspect that's not wha...

Did Glen Davis Spurn LeBron Over His Dance Moves?
One highlight of ESPN's spiked LeBron story was the surreal moment of Celtics forward Glen Davis chancing upon the festivities and dismissing the scene. We thought it was because he didn't approve, but his dancing skills may be the true reason....
