this Page 12 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
I Can’t Stop Playing This Shitty iPhone Football Game<em></em>
Football season is over, which means that I am forced to fill the gaping void in my life with booze, drugs, utterly worthless draft speculation, whatever has been gathering dust on the DVR, and (oh God) family interaction. OR DO I? You fellow GAMERS like me out there (I play games on my phone, whic...
Man Creates 80-Foot-Long Whip Apparently Good Only For Hurting Himself
Via Reddit, here is a comically long bullwhip. But thanks to physics, the whipper necessarily becomes the whippee....
What Would It Look Like, Hypothetically, If A Public Figure Were Suffering The Symptoms Of Dementia?
Ronald Reagan was 69 years old at his inauguration as president in 1981, the oldest anyone had ever been on taking the office—a record that Donald Trump recently beat when he was inaugurated at age 70. Beset by concerns about his advanced age from the beginning, Reagan was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s...
What Time Does 'What Time Does The Superbowl Start?' Start?
The Super Bowl is allegedly this weekend, and reports indicate that the contest will be played in Houston between the Atlanta Falcons and New England Patriots. ...
Tom Brady, Patriots Trump Steelers
The New England Patriots are headed to yet another Super Bowl after giving the business to the Pittsburgh Steelers. ...
Exclusive Report From The 49ers' Stadium: Justin Sucks Dick
An anonymous tipster has provided Deadspin with a shocking image from the home of the San Francisco 49ers....
The Washington Wizards Are In A Bad Place Right Now
The Wizards are playing like a big pile of dog poop this season, and they delivered their most nauseating performance of the year tonight against the Sixers. Philadelphia didn’t even have their talismanic center Joel Embiid, but they shot 54.5 percent against the Wizards tonight and beat them for ju...
New York Islanders Decline To Say If Jack Capuano Lives In Garth Snow's Basement
The disappointing Islanders have lost six of their last seven and currently hold an underwhelming 5-8-3 record. Head coach Jack Capuano is on the hot seat, and depending on who you believe, the heat around his job status might be rising through the vents and warming up team president Garth Snow’s ho...
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Earlier this morning, Ku Klux Klan-endorsed President-elect Donald Trump met with President Obama in the Oval Office to discuss the self-proclaimed sexual assault-enthusiast’s coming ascension....
The Wildest Fan Theories About <i>Kevin Can Wait</i>
Everyone loves Westworld, but the only thing everyone loves more than Westworld are theories about the future plot events of Westworld. Fans coming up with and then spreading theories of dubious repute is not a phenomenon unique to HBO’s new show about cowboys and sex robots, but the layered uncert...
Let's Remember Some Vines
The app Vine is on its deathbed, which made me think about that Vine where that kid crosses over a baby on a basketball court. Maybe you’ve forgotten about Vine :( But now you remember it. Let’s remember some other Vines:...
An Ode To James Carville's Super Fucked-Up Glasses
This election has turned the country into a tar pit from which we will never escape, but it did give us one thing that has brought me great joy. That thing is political pundit James Carville’s busted-ass spectacles....
Is Eric Trump A Lemonade Thief?
The latest scandal out of Donald Trump’s campaign: Possible lemonade theft. It appears that Eric Trump, one of his five children, put lemonade in a water cup at an In-N-Out burger, which the restaurant frowns upon....
Please Stay The Fuck Out Of This, Canada
As much of a nightmare as this election season has been, we were at least able to take solace in the fact that we, as a nation, could sink no lower. But even that’s no longer true. Because now, Canada thinks they’re better than us. These are truly our darkest days....
This Is Maybe But Probably Not Tom Brady Secretly Calling In To A Radio Show
Boston radio show Toucher and Rich received an interesting call from a listener on Wednesday’s program. “Matt” from “San Diego” had a bone to pick with the radio hosts....
Judgment At Urineberg: Did Hillary Get Pneumonia Because She Hates Peeing?<em></em>
So of course by now you’ve seen the distressing video of Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton teetering and wobbling as a phalanx of staffers try to stuff her into a bitchin’ black conversion van at a 9/11 memorial ceremony this past Sunday. Here it is again:...
Some Fresh Ideas For Jimmy Fallon's Contrived <i>The Tonight Show</i> Games
Sometimes I feel bad for Jimmy Fallon. A key component of his success as a late night host is his and his writing staff’s ability to produce segments that are grist for the viral content mill. These segments usually take the form of a game or competition between Fallon and one or more of his guests,...
Is This Tristan Thompson's Dick Or What?
This afternoon, Tristan Thompson posted a photo on Twitter posing with the Larry O’Brien trophy at a Tim Hortons. But you may notice another large object....
Michael Phelps Tied A 2,168-Year-Old Olympic Record
Another two golds last night for Michael Phelps, the most decorated American Olympian ever: That makes 21 gold medals in his career, 25 medals overall, and with his win in the 200m butterfly—a particularly personal win, given his loss in that event four years ago—Phelps now has 12 individual wins to...