this Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
NBA Fines Anthony Davis For Self-Tampering In Public, Alarming Onlookers<em></em>
ESPN’s Adrian Wojnarowski reported Monday that the NBA was investigating Pelicans center Anthony Davis for self-tampering in front of God and everyone. Davis expressing (through his agent) the desire to be traded, on and all over the record, scandalized the Pelicans to the point that the team put ou...
Today Was Somehow The Stupidest Day Yet In The Bryce Harper Sweepstakes
Today felt like it could have finally been the day we got some movement in the frigid pursuit of the two top free agents in baseball, but it was not meant to be. Despite what felt like all of Philly Twitter trying to will it into existence, Bryce Harper did not sign with the Phillies on Tuesday. Why...
Lonzo Ball Would Prefer To Be Traded Where He Can Start Right Away, Just As I Would Prefer To Stalk My Enemies From Atop A Mighty Tyrannosaur
The Lakers are expected to offer some combination of young foundational players to the Pelicans in exchange for Anthony Davis, who requested a trade from New Orleans over the weekend. The most prominent of those young players is one Lonzo Ball, who by this time last year was viewed as the crown jew...
Oh Look, An Owner Of An MLB Team Has Brought Up Another Excuse To Not Pay Bryce Harper Or Manny Machado Their Worth
Astros owner Jim Crane was the latest team owner to give his opinion on why stars like Bryce Harper and Manny Machado aren’t receiving the blockbuster contracts many expected them to sign this offseason. At a team event on Friday, Crane, whose net worth is an estimated $2.5 billion, told reporters t...
A Bunch Of People Close To The Saints Desperately Want Roger Goodell To Step In And Screw This Up
Late Thursday afternoon, Benjamin Watson put out an all-too-serious complaint about the blown pass interference/unnecessary roughness call the Saints didn’t get in the NFC Championship matchup against the Rams. In a screenshot posted on Twitter, Watson called on commissioner Roger Goodell to step i...
High School Whose Students Taunted Predominantly Black School With Trump Flag Dropped Out Of MLK Day Tourney
Students from Jordan High School (Minn.) brought a Trump 2020 flag to a boys basketball game against Minneapolis Roosevelt, a predominantly black school that has been staying in the locker room during the national anthem, last week. The school caught a lot of shit for the fans’ flag and promised to ...
It's Me, I'm The One Person Who Still Doesn't Believe In The Patriots
The New England Patriots, the second playoff seed of their conference, are preparing for Sunday’s AFC title game against the Kansas City Chiefs by pushing the idea that no one believes in them, a team that’s been to eight straight AFC title games. You might be asking, Who are they actually calling o...
High School Students Bring Trump 2020 Flag To Basketball Game Against Predominantly Black School
In an effort to taunt the visiting team, a group of Minnesota high school students brought a Trump 2020 flag to a boys basketball game Tuesday night. Considering that the road team, Minneapolis Roosevelt High School, has a predominantly black student body and has been staying in the locker room duri...
Philadelphia Eagles Twitter Account Run By Shameless Biter
One of the best subplots of the NFL season was the rise of Twitter user @CableThanos_, a Seahawks fan who earned himself some internet fame by producing charmingly deranged hype videos throughout Seattle’s run to the playoffs. Now, unfortunately, he has become the victim of shameless biting....
It's Fucking Coffee
We thought stories about mundane things “taking over” locker rooms couldn’t have survived beyond Bleacher Report’s breathless story about how NBA players were obsessed with drinking water, but a contender for worst entry into the genre has emerged, courtesy of food-related schlongformer extraordinai...
Racist Politics Flack From Seattle: I'm Not Racist, I'm British
So, yesterday, hilariously inept* conservative politics flack and weird cable news creature Liz Mair did, and later deleted, a very bad tweet:...
These NFL Coaches Sucked Enough To Get Fired This Year
Hue Jackson and Mike McCarthy were horrible enough to get canned during the regular season, but now that Week 17's wrapped up, it’s time for all the other disappointing NFL head coaches to join them in the Great Coordinator Gig in the Sky. Here’s a brief roundup of everyone who’s been canned today....
Rick Pitino Settles For Coaching Gig In Greece, Just As I Have Settled For Life Without Power Over All Living Things
Just two months ago, Rick Pitino and I had big dreams. He was going to stride confidently back into the NBA, take control of a franchise desperately in need of his knack for player development, and begin the satisfying third act of his career. I, on the other hand, was going to ascend into the cosmo...
Carrie Underwood's <i>Sunday Night Football</i> Theme Sucks And Nobody Should Kiss Her Sensitive Ass
On Sunday night, Sports Illustrated producer Jessica Smetana delivered, to no one in particular, a mild criticism of the very bad Sunday Night Football theme performed by Carrie Underwood. The musician saw it and was mad....
Steph Curry Acknowledges Dark Side Of Moon Truthering, Says It Was A Joke
Okay, looks like this cycle has been compressed to just three days. On a Winging It podcast episode released Monday, Warriors star Steph Curry denied that man landed on the Moon. That night, right on cue, he went with the oh-so-cheeky “just asking questions” posturing:...
Dang, I Guess They Have "Oat Milk" Now?
All the time, people (editors, for example) are insisting that blogs have to have “a point” or must be “about something”; they are saying things like “Bert, what is this blog” and “I honestly forgot you worked here until just now and I think I preferred it that way.” That’s just how it is for all of...
No Offense, But Adam Ottavino Would Make Babe Ruth Look Like A Sack Of Pig Assholes<em></em>
There might be a couple of outliers, but for the most part, current players in any major sport would easily defeat the sport’s early legends. It’s not their fault. The older dudes were the best of their era—and some of those eras still had the color line—but they would not be the best in a later era...
Steph Curry Pulls Up From 238,900 Miles, Denies Moon Landing
Over the weekend, the Chang’e-4 spacecraft took flight from Sichaun province in China. It is bound for the far side of the Moon. The craft is expected to touch down early next month, becoming the first ever to “soft-land” on the far side. Where does Steph Curry think the craft is headed?...
Reports: Tenshin Nasukawa To Box American In Exhibition Match
According to reports, Japanese kickboxing prodigy Tenshin Nasukawa will be crossing over into another sport on New Year’s Eve, engaging in an exhibition match with a boxer at a Rizin card after weeks of back and forth over the promotional details. MMAFighting reporter Marc Raimondi has information a...
George H.W. Bush Happily Watching From Heaven As Houston Gets XFL Team, Says Dope<em></em>
In a press conference on Tuesday afternoon, commissioner and chief executive of the XFL Oliver Luck announced the eight cities and venues that would serve as home sites for the league’s inaugural season in 2020: Dallas (Globe Life Park), Houston (TDECU Stadium), Los Angeles (StubHub Center), New Yor...