ti Page 1004 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Toward A Working Theory Of What The Fuck Donald Trump Is Even Talking About
The Mendocino Complex Wildfire is the largest fire in California’s history. It has burned more than 300,000 acres in Northern California to date and is one of 19 wildfires currently active in the state. The fire was big enough that, on Monday, President Donald Trump saw fit to briefly depart from hi...
This Children's Book Is Messed Up: <i>Caps For Sale</i>
Caps for Sale: A Tale of a Peddler, Some Monkeys and Their Monkey Business is a children’s classic that was published in 1940. Written and illustrated by Esphyr Slobodkina, it’s an adaptation of a folk tale about monkeys stealing hats, because humanity’s entertainment situation was DIRE before strea...
Why Your Team And Pizza Mogul And Claymation Furniture Pitchman And Tech Mogul Suck
As a great American thinker has honked: We’re back. Drew and I have both returned from our time away from the podcast and pretty well recovered from the indignities that the sun inflicted on our ghastly and rapidly deteriorating indoor bodies during that absence. I am not trying to oversell anything...
James Dolan's New Song Is About How He Should Have Stopped Harvey Weinstein
Knicks owner James Dolan was a longtime friend of disgraced sex pervert Harvey Weinstein, and now he wants to let everyone know that he, James Dolan, is sorry that he never stopped Weinstein from sexually assaulting countless women. Because he is James Dolan, he has expressed this regret through a p...
Courtney Smith's Protective Order Detailed How She Told The Court Zach Smith Terrorized Her<em></em><em></em>
On July 20 of this year, Courtney Smith asked the court in Delaware County, Ohio, for a domestic violence civil protection order against her ex-husband, then-Ohio State assistant football coach Zach Smith. She already had made statements concerning his abuse in her 2015 petition for a divorce; that...
Steven Gerrard Translates English Into English For English-Speaking Player
The one in which Rangers’ English manager Steven Gerrard (yes, that Steven Gerrard) translates the Scottish press’s English into English so that his new Croatian defender, Nikola Katić, can understand the questions and then reply in English himself:...
Why Is Jose Reyes Still Playing For The Mets?
It still doesn’t quite scan, given that Jose Reyes is one of the best players ever to play for the New York Mets, but it’s true. Purely from a baseball standpoint—surely the most charitable standpoint from which to view someone who was suspended for 51 games by Major League Baseball for an incident ...
Nationals Pitcher Heroically Respects Anthem While Under Attack By Praying Mantis
During the always-sacred pre-game performance of the U.S. national anthem in our nation’s capital, ahead of a game between the Nationals and Braves, Washington pitcher Erick Fedde was faced with an impossible choice. He could continue to stand at attention and give his deepest respects to a dull son...
Brian Bowen Joins Australian NBL Via Program Designed To Compete With The NCAA
Brian Bowen, whose allegedly greased recruitment to Louisville cost Rick Pitino his job and essentially cost Bowen two years of eligibility, has decided to join the Sydney Kings of Australia’s National Basketball League....
The <i>Roanoke Times</i> Is Suing Its Former Reporter Over Refusal To Give Up Twitter Account
A custody battle is raging between a newspaper and its former reporter over a Twitter account. The Roanoke Times’s parent company, BH Media, is suing one of the newspaper’s former college football reporters, Andy Bitter. They say he refused to hand control of his Twitter account—which he had acquire...
Courtney Smith's Lawyer Says Ohio State Never Contacted Her Client About Abuse Allegations
As a small number of very stupid Buckeyes fans rally around head coach Urban Meyer—who is currently on paid leave as Ohio State investigates whether or not Meyer properly reported the multiple reports of domestic abuse made against since-fired assistant coach Zach Smith—a statement yesterday from th...
Barstool Sports' Twitch Channel Shut Down After Employee Threatens To Swat Someone
Barstool Sports, a website enjoyed by young men who get really angry when their friends don’t want to go out drinking with them for a third night in a row, no longer has an official Twitch channel. This is because one of their employees threatened to swat another Twitch streamer....
Brain Worms Drive Hundreds Of Unfortunate Buckeyes Fans To Gather For Urban Meyer Rally
Ohio State head football coach Urban Meyer is currently on indefinite paid administrative leave while the university completes an investigation of reports that he knew of but did nothing about domestic violence allegations against assistant coach Zach Smith. Meyer is not dead; he is not in jail; he ...
The Mariners, And Their Fans, Have Had A Bad Few Weeks
What you are looking at here is a Mariners fan fucking up, just as the M’s have been doing for the past several weeks now. The team, though still 18 games above .500, has recently slipped to 2.5 games behind the A’s for the second wild card spot. This is despite the fact that, as late as June 16, th...
The Best Comedy Bits Going Are Leeds Manager Marcelo Bielsa's Interviews
If you’ve found yourself confused about why those familiar with Argentine mad genius manager Marcelo Bielsa were giddy with excitement when he got the Leeds United job earlier this summer, just watch the bizarre, hilarious, Google Translate-in-the-flesh pre- and post-match interviews he gave to Sky ...
Dutch Gymnast Goes Full-Blown Cat At The European Championships
When Dutch gymnast Celine van Gerner was introduced for the last time in Glasgow at the 2018 European Championships, she waved to the crowd sporting a full face of cat makeup. The reason: Van Gerner, 23, was set to compete to music from the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical Cats for her floor final....
Michael Jordan Backs Away From President Trump With Limpest Possible Statement
Michael Jordan found himself unexpectedly dragged into President Trump’s latest absurd feud with a prominent black athlete, when the senile cable-haver in chief closed his Twitter outburst directed at Don Lemon and LeBron James with the petty exclamation “I like Mike!”...
Robert Klemko of Sports Illustrated shares his experience of how the Ravens, the NFL, and Ray Lewis’s teammates made it nearly impossible for reporters to get answers from Lewis about his conviction on charges of obstruction of justice related to two murders in Atlanta in 2000: “‘First of all, you k...
A's Rookie Produces Walk-Off Win With First Career Hit In First Career Game
This is the kind of thing that happens for a team having one of those magical runs: the two huge clutch plays that delivered a 1-0 A’s win in extras Friday night were made by a rookie, making his first career appearance in the majors, and his first career knock was a walk-off game-winner. Break up t...
Angry Diaper President Lashes Out At LeBron James On Twitter
Our idiot president spent his Friday night engaged in the extremely healthy and productive behavior we’ve all come to expect from the leader of the free world: watching cable news enough to get somehow dumber and angrier, and then picking a fight about it on Twitter....