ti Page 1117 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
MLB Struck The Right Balance With Jeurys Familia's Punishment
Yesterday afternoon MLB handed down a 15-game suspension for Mets closer Jeurys Familia, following a 2016 arrest in New Jersey after his wife, Bianca Rivas, called 911 and said her husband was “drunk” and “acting crazy.” ...
What Does Mike Pence Think Happens At Restaurants?<em></em><em></em>
Here is a deeply weird thing:...
Jim Harbaugh And Chip Kelly Go To Bat For Colin Kaepernick
NFL free agency began three weeks ago, and Colin Kaepernick is still a man without a team, even in a league in which Mike Glennon just got $19 million guaranteed to actually start for someone. Is Kaepernick being blackballed because of his national anthem protest? It he still unsigned because of his...
Reporter Embarrasses Himself And America At Bastian Schweinsteiger Press Conference
As an American soccer fan, this video of an oblivious reporter quite confidently asking Bastian Schweinsteiger, new to MLS’s Chicago Fire, whether Chicago can be expected to win the goddamn World Cup is almost too painful to sit through....
Sculptor Of Cristiano Ronaldo Bust: I, Like Jesus, Can't Please Everyone<em></em>
If art is supposed to be provocative, to generate questions and discussion and interest, then the bust of Cristiano Ronaldo unveiled outside the airport now named after him was a rousing success, even if it completely failed as an accurate representation of what Ronaldo actually looks like. You know...
Texas State Senators Ripped Into A Stammering Baylor Interim President<em></em>
As Baylor continues to insist that everything is just fine after admitting to making life miserable for women who reported they were raped, while simultaneously claiming it does “not have a legal duty to protect their students from harm caused by other students,” Texas lawmakers are considering a ...
North Carolina Repeals HB2 To Satisfy NCAA; "Compromise" Still Permits Anti-LGBT Discrimination For At Least Three More Years
North Carolina state Senate leader Phil Berger says his fellow Republican legislators have struck a deal with governor Roy Cooper to repeal House Bill 2 hours before an NCAA deadline that would have eliminated all scheduled NCAA championship events in that state until the year 2022....
Messi Says He Didn't Direct Insult At The Referee, But "At The Air"
The best player in the world and slight potty mouth Lionel Messi is appealing the four-match ban that was handed down by FIFA yesterday after he yelled at a referee in Argentina’s 1-0 World Cup qualifier win over Chile last week. Messi says he didn’t direct his insult, “la concha de tu madre,” a com...
Brandon Marshall Was Also Delighted By Jay Cutler's Bare Ass
We had fun looking at Jay Cutler’s bare vacation ass yesterday, but I’m not sure if anyone had a more joyful reaction to it than Cutler’s former teammate, Brandon Marshall....
Baylor Files Motion To Dismiss Lawsuit Claiming 52 Rapes By Football Players In Four Years
Lawyers for Baylor University filed yesterday a motion to dismiss the Title IX lawsuit that said no less than 31 football players committed 52 rapes between 2011 and 2014, under then-head coach Art Briles. The motion, filed in U.S. District Court in Texas, claims that “as a general rule, universiti...
What Should I Do If ICE Shows Up On My Doorstep?
Welcome back to Ask a Lawyer, wherein I, a lawyer, respond to your questions. Got a vexing legal issue? Send it over, or drop it in the comments below....
Mets Closer Jeurys Familia Suspended 15 Games After Domestic Violence Arrest
Four days before Opening Day, MLB has announced its long-awaited suspension for New York Mets pitcher Jeurys Familia after a November 2016 arrest after an alleged domestic violence incident involving his wife. ...
Would You, Personally, Kill Assad?
The modern world is full of people who love to proclaim that they would have killed Hitler. Okay, sure, sure. But what would you do now? ...
Cristiano Ronaldo Honored With Hideous Bust That May Be Imbued With Dark Magic
The eyes! For the love of god, do not look into the eyes!...
Where Will The Raiders Play The Next Three Years?
The Raiders are off to Las Vegas, but—not just yet. Construction has not yet begun on their fancy new stadium, financed with $750 million in taxpayer money, and it won’t be ready for action until 2020. That leaves three seasons, and for at least one of them—probably more—they’ll have to find somewh...
It Wasn't Pretty, But The USMNT Did What They Needed To Do
A full, complete highlight reel from the USMNT’s 1-1 draw with Panama this evening is as follows:...
Wonderteen Christian Pulisic Undresses A Pair Of Defenders, Serves Up Opening Goal
This evening’s USMNT-Panama match was soggy, goalless, and uneventful for the first 39 minutes, until America’s greatest teenager, Christian Pulisic, owned a pair of experienced Panamanian defenders and put an easy assist on a platter for Clint Dempsey. Felipe Baliy and Roman Torres are two of Panam...
Bruce Arena Has Some Dumb Ideas About Who Created Christian Pulisic<em></em>
Jurgen Klinsmann was an arrogant jerk with a penchant for demoralizing his players and pissing off powerful executives in the American soccer scene with his lofty ideas about how to shake up American soccer as it has been—a culture that consistently puts out a motley crew of under-talented overachie...
Good News: The NFL Has More Rules
As everyone knows, the best part of the NFL season is when the league gets the chance to add rules and bylaws to an already-impenetrable rulebook. One of the new additions is a ban on players jumping over linemen to block field goal kicks....
What To Do When An Old Friend Wants You To Join A Pyramid Scheme
Have you ever gotten a weird phone call from your home area code? Or maybe someone you used to know randomly invites you over to dinner, mentioning something about a business opportunity. These are sure signs that someone is trying get you involved in a pyramid scheme, and that’s bad, because pyrami...