ti Page 1118 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Look At Jay Cutler's Ass
Jay Cutler’s unemployed and on vacation, which means that instead of worrying about preparing for the Jets, the quarterback gets to enjoy the weather and pose nude for wife Kristin Cavallari’s Instagram. A photo of Cutler’s butt lies within this post; consider yourself warned....
FIFA Suspends Lionel Messi Four Matches For Yelling At Referee
FIFA handed Lionel Messi a four-match suspension from international play today in response to an incident after last week’s Argentina-Chile match when Messi was seen insulting a referee. With only five matches left in a World Cup Qualifying process in which Argentina have struggled, there is a very ...
Dear President Trump: Throwing Out The First Pitch At The Nats Game Will Heal This Nation
Dear Mr. President, ...
Auburn Softball Player Isn't Here For Florida Coach's Bullshit
Auburn’s softball team beat Florida 1-0 yesterday, and after the game Tigers shortstop Haley Fagan got into it with Florida head coach Tim Walton....
Alexis Sanchez Looks Like An Adorable Little Baby In His License Photo
Over the weekend, two days after Chile’s 1-0 World Cup qualifier loss to Argentina and three days before their must-win qualifier against Venezuela, star striker Alexis Sanchez was fined for driving 96 mph (155 kph) near Santiago, Chile, according to Chilean website EMOL. His court date has reported...
Tim Tebow's Prayers To Make Contact With A Max Scherzer Fastball Were Not Answered<em></em><em></em>
Mets farmhand Tim Tebow started at left field this afternoon in a spring training game against the Nationals and their ace Max Scherzer. Tebow will begin the season playing Class A ball with the Columbia Fireflies, but he’ll finish up spring training with the Mets, where he’s been having some issues...
FBI Records Show Vince McMahon's Dad Caught On Tape Bragging About Threatening A Wrestler
It’s officially WrestleMania week, the biggest of the year in professional wrestling. The major events really get going on Friday night with the annual WWE Hall of Fame induction ceremony. A mix of mainstream-sports hall of fame ceremony, Kennedy Center honors, and crass branding exercise, it’s one ...
Nike Drapes Its Athletes In A Mess Of Green Puke
Roger Federer rolled right through Juan Martin del Potro in the third round of the Miami Open, 6-4, 6-3. It was what you’d expect: forehand winners aplenty on both sides; Fed giving the big guy no absolutely no time to ease his way into the point; Delpo proving that he still can hit the crap out of ...
Cornell Would Like To Share Some Extremely Unbiased Information About Evil Unions
Today, thousands of graduate students at Cornell University will vote on whether or not to form a union. Fortunately, the school’s deans are on hand to answer all your questions in a distinctly neutral tone of voice....
Wait, Let's Clown These Scrub-Ass Doofuses Some More
Seventeen days. That’s how much stamina flinty-eyed deal master Donald Trump, sober policy knower Paul Ryan, and all the Republican Party had for a health care overhaul they’d been promising for seven years, before the work of negotiating amongst themselves overwhelmed them and they retired to their...
Does This Look Like The Reincarnation Of Lou Gehrig To You?<em></em>
You’ve spoken to a toddler, or at least know enough about children to imagine what speaking to a toddler might be like. You understand that a 2-year-old child, because his brain is still developing and he is just starting to experiment with language, is liable to say some dumb things. A toddler migh...
Frances Tiafoe Gave Roger Federer A Scare, And America Some Hope
American tennis fans should take heart: their 19-year-old prodigy Frances Tiafoe caused the GOAT some woe, at least for a little while. Tiafoe, who is creeping closer to a breakout victory over a top player, took Roger Federer to a first-set tiebreak in their second-round match at the Miami Open bef...
Laundry Is The Worst Thing In The World
Years ago, a friend told me that sweeping is the worst possible chore. My God, she was wrong. I took a screencap of her being wrong and would show it to other people, and they would gaze at it and say, “My word, look at that person being wrong.” That’s how wrong it was. Everyone agrees laundry is ob...
The Christian Pulisic Era Has Officially Begun
If there was a single aspect of the USMNT’s exhilarating, thoroughly commanding 6-0 crushing of Honduras in last Friday’s critical World Cup qualifier that was less than perfect, it was at least one outside the purview of everyone involved....
You Love Trucks. Do You Love People?
Donald Trump loves trucks, I guess. Also, the trucking industry is poised to be decimated by technological change. Here we have an opportunity. ...
Ryan Zimmerman Shimmies Around To Miraculously Avoid Tag
Ryan Zimmerman showed off his scrambling skills to somehow avoid what should have been a pretty straightforward Brian McCann tag at home plate in today’s spring training game against the Astros: ...
Sportswriters Whine About Kid Reporter Asking Legitimate Question At Press Conference
In South Carolina coach Frank Martin’s postgame press conference last night, preteen Sports Illustrated Kids reporter Max Bonnstetter asked an interesting and well-formulated question—one that, somehow, upset a handful of “adult” journalists:...
Basketball Fans Treated To Ads Congratulating Republicans For Repealing Obamacare [UPDATES]
Basketball fans tonight in several Republican-adjacent TV markets are enjoying a series of ads, prematurely bought by the American Action Network PAC, inviting viewers to call their representatives to thank them for repealing Obamacare today—something that did not happen. ...
In Defense Of Skyline Chili, The Good Kind Of Diarrhea Sludge<em></em>
“You really want the green noodles?” asked the seemingly amazed young man taking my order....
Christian Pulisic Is Not The Next Landon Donovan
In the leadup to the U.S. men’s national team’s critical World Cup qualifier tonight against Honduras, the usual and deserved attention has been predictably focused on Christian Pulisic, who, if you somehow still need an introduction, is the young American phenom lighting it up for Borussia Dortmund...